The Object of Beauty Page #3

like a dish of peanuts.

Have they any ideas?

He just telephoned to say the damn

thing's gone missing.

Better get on to Detective Fagan,

will you? Start him off.

Fagan's drinking again.

Well, somebody's got to do it.

I suppose you'd better.

Let's try and keep it to ourselves

for the moment, shall we?

327, Mr. Bartholemew.

Mr. Bartholemew, if it's not

too much trouble...

...I'd like to send Mr. Swayle up to get

some information from you.

Our regular man, Detective Fagan,

is down with the flu.

Oh, no, I assure you.

If anyone can get to the bottom

of this, it's our Mr. Swayle.

He was attached to an intelligence

unit during his Army service.

Of course. By all means.

And thank you so much.

Actually, it was a catering course, sir.

This afternoon, Victor, after lunch.

- Sir.

Hello? Yes.

Yes, it is. Put him through.

I'm calling because one of the items

which is covered in my policy...

...has apparently been stolen.

It's a small bronze head Henry Moore.

Yes, it was here on the bedside table.

Yes, in the hotel.

What? Yes. Yes, it is.

It is covered in the 'Agreed Values'

section of the policy.

I pay more premium, but it's covered.

A special clause.

Jake, I'm going out for a walk.

Yeah. Well, you better check.

I'll go with you. Hang on.

It's okay. I'm going for a walk.

- Where are you going?

Just out. A walk.

- Well, I'll go with you.

Look, I can't talk right now.

I've got another call coming.

Okay. Tomorrow. Bye.

Tina.

Teddy, when you told me to go into cocoa...

...you practically guaranteed it.

I realize you can't predict a dock

strike in Sierra.

But a $30,000 margin call is nothing, Teddy.

Anyway, I would really rather

not be pressed on it today.

Tina is very upset.

Her little Henry Moore statue got stolen.

Yeah, it's insured. $50,000.

So, you know, look at that as

collateral for your margin.

No, she wouldn't mind.

Why should she mind?

Teddy, the cocoa's gonna be off

the dock soon. Right?

Worse?

What could be worse than that?

Dumping it into the ocean?

Well, I mean, you can dredge

up cocoa, can't you?

I don't know. You could call that

guy who found the Titanic.

I realize the position, puts you in.

Yes. We're friends. Teddy...

Please don't talk about liquidating me.

Teddy. I'm asking for grace.

Grace?

Oh, Mr. Bartholemew?

Excuse me.

How are you?

Yes?

- Mrs. Bartholemew?

I'm Victor Swayle,

the Assistant Manager.

Mr. Bartholemew is expecting me.

- He's out.

I'm here concerning your robbery.

I'm very sorry to hear about it.

So am I.

- I want to ask you a few questions.

Come in.

I really can't tell you much. It was

just here yesterday and gone today.

It's gone. Missing. Stolen.

You've looked around the suite?

- Sure. Everywhere. No sign.

Just gone. Missing. Stolen.

Oh, Jake. This is Mr...

Swayle. Swayle.

Mr. Swayle. He's from

the Hotel, to investigate.

I told him we couldn't help much.

No, we can't. Not much.

It's gone. Stolen I guess.

Have you notified the Police?

The Police.

No, we haven't. Not yet.

Well, maybe we can hold

that off for a while.

We're conducting our own

investigations and obviously...

...if we can keep it in-house,

and return you your goods...

...we'd all be happier.

Mrs. Bartholemew. Mr. Bartholemew,

thank you for your help.

I'm sorry that such a thing should

have happened in our hotel.

I do hope that you won't hold it against us.

Us? No. We wouldn't dream of it.

Mr. Bartholemew, I wonder

if I could just have a word...

...in private?

Sure. Okay.

I'm sorry to have to mention this today...

...but it's the bill. It's getting

heavily on the debit side.

Otherwise, we shall have

to start taking measures.

Look, Mr...

Swayle.

- A $60,000 artwork...

...is missing from your hotel.

I would say the debit is on your side.

Well, please, Mr. Bartholemew...

- Your hotel.

I think the last thing we should

worry about is my hotel bill.

In fact, the lawsuit, which I'm

attempting to persuade my wife...

...not to file,

would make my hotel bill...

...look like a one hour rental

in a Tijuana bordello.

Oh, please, Mr. Bartholemew, I know

how upsetting this is.

You don't know what upsetting

is, you stupid prick.

It was exciting to stay in for a change.

It makes me feel old staying

in watching TV with you.

Maybe it wasn't really a great TV night.

I mean, how many times will they allow...

'Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde' to be

remade? Is it an infinite number?

It reminds me of home,

my mother, my father.

Still relying on the characters?

Staying in watching TV, because they

had nowhere else to go.

Look, Jake, you don't know what

that head means to me.

I'm frightened without it. It's the

only thing that I've got in the world.

Tina, it was your idea to steal it

in the first place.

To help you.

I mean, is your family really

out of the question?

Yeah. Military School is the last thing...

...I said I would ever take from them.

Your sister? Your brother?

- My sister's having a baby.

My brother wouldn't give me

the sweat off his balls.

Oh, God, Jake. We should've

been in Sardinia by now.

I mean, what're we doing in this dump?

Dump?

Who are you? The Queen Mother?

Oh, the big breadwinner.

It's not a problem.

It's a problem when the only thing of

value in your wallet's the leather.

If I were you, I'd stay away from

leather as a topic of conversation.

At least until you can to cut down

on the shoe consumption.

I always thank God for Sundays, 'cause

it means you can't go shopping.

'On the seventh day she rested

and she drank.'

Screw you. Screw you. Just get back

and give it back to me.

Tina, keep your voice down.

Why? They're gonna throw us

outta here anyway.

Where were you this morning?

- I told you, I went for a walk.

Bullshit. If you went for a walk,

you would've come back with a package.

I went for a walk in the street.

Maybe over to Joan's?

Maybe carrying a little bundle?

Where were you? Don't tell me that

you were out buying cigars...

...because I know you

can have them sent up.

I went somewhere else, okay?

Now, stop it.

Come on.

What are we fighting about?

We're in this together.

Oh, God. Just get it back

and give it back to me.

Well...

What're you gonna do?

- I'm thinking.

I thought I heard something rattling.

Your name is Mr. Jake Bartholemew?

- Jonathan.

And you normally reside where?

Well, we don't. We travel.

Don't we, honey?

We would've been in Sardinia,

if it weren't for this.

Can I just ask, Mr. Bartholemew,

your date and place of birth?

Plainfield, New Jersey.

July 8, 1955.

And your full name, please,

Mrs. Bartholemew?

Tina Lesley Bartholemew.

Lesley?

Forgive me if I ask you, too.

You were born?

- March 12, 1959.

Pensacola, Florida, U.S.A.

And the date of your marriage?

We're not, in the classic sense of

the term, actually married.

Well, there's no harm in that.

You've known each other for...

- Two years.

Two years.

We learn a little more about

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