The Odd Couple Page #10

to get the record straight.

Let it be on your conscience.

Let what be on my conscience?

I'm perfectly willing to stay here

and clear the air

of our differences,

but you refuse, right?

Right. I'm tired

of you clearing the air.

That's why I want you to leave.

Remember, what happens to me

is your responsibility.

Let it be on your head.

Let what be on my head?

Why can't you get thrown out

like a decent human being?

Let what be on my head?

Huh?

I'm leaving now

according to your wishes and desires.

Either I'll come back

and get the rest of my clothes,

or someone else will.

You are not going anyplace

until you take it back.

Take what back?

"Let it be on your head."

What the hell is that?

The curse of the cat people?

I can't leave if you're

blocking the door.

Is this how you left

that night with Frances?

No wonder she wanted

your room repainted.

I'll have yours dipped in bronze.

Would you get out

of the way, please?

Uh, where will you go?

Oh, come on, Oscar.

You're not really

interested, are you?

All right, Felix, you win.

We'll try to

iron it out.

Come back, Felix.

Felix!

Felix, come back!

Don't leave me like this!

I'm telling you,

I'm worried.

I know Felix.

He'll try something crazy.

You mean, you just

threw him out?

That's right. I threw him out.

It was my decision.

Let it be on my head.

Let what be on your head?

I don't know.

Felix put it there. Ask him.

He's out there somewhere.

He was driving us

crazy with his napkins

and his ashtrays.

All of you said so.

We didn't say kick him out, Oscar.

I did it for us!

Us?

Yes. Do you know

what he was planning

for next Friday night's poker game

as a change of pace?

What?

A luau. A Hawaian luau...

roast pork, fried rice, spare ribs.

They don't play

poker like that in Honolulu.

He's out there alone.

I'm really worried.

Why don't we

start looking? Come on.

How are we going to find him?

It's a big city.

We'll look for a guy

with a suitcase

who's crying.

Come on.

They won't like this

at the station.

You're not supposed to look

for a missing person

with a missing car.

So take it out of my taxes.

We'll try his apartment first.

Frances hasn't heard from him

since he called to get her recipe

for meat loaf.

Where to now?

Cruise along Riverside Drive.

This is crazy, Oscar.

Why don't we call the cops?

Drive the car.

Hey, what are you doing, Murray?

Off-duty arrest.

Caught them gambling.

We already combed

the whole west side.

Why don't we go back

and wait to hear something?

Because I'm afraid

we'll hear something.

The poor guy.

Will you stop saying

"The poor guy"?

What about me?

I got this curse on my head.

Let's go back, Oscar.

He'll show up.

He'll kill himself

just to spite me.

Then his ghost will follow me

around the apartment,

haunting and cleaning,

haunting and cleaning,

haunting and cleaning.

Come on, Oscar.

Play a few hands.

It will take your mind off Felix.

Stop mentioning his name.

I know what you're

all thinking,

but you're wrong.

It's his fault... not mine.

He shouldn't have moved in here

in the first place.

He should have stayed with Blanche.

Why should he?

Because it's his wife.

No. Blanche is your wife.

His wife is Frances.

What are you...

some kind of wise guy?

The game is over. Give me my cards.

I don't want to play anymore.

I won't worry about him.

He's not worrying about me.

He's in the streets somewhere

crying and sulking

and having a wonderful time.

I think I smell spaghetti.

It's linguini.

Don't you care

what happens to Felix?

Thought you weren't worried.

I'm not worried, damn it.

That's him. I'll bet that's him.

Open the door.

Everybody play cards

like nothing happened.

Just deal them out.

OK, open the door.

Hello.

How do you do?

Hello there, Cecily.

Gwendolyn.

Please, gentlemen, don't stand up.

May I see you

for a moment, Mr. Madison?

Certainly. Certainly, Gwendolyn.

What's the matter?

I think you know.

I've come for Felix's things.

You mean my Felix?

Oh, yes. Yes. Felix Ungar...

that sweet, tortured man

who's in my flat at this moment

pouring his heart

out to my sister.

Gwen?

Gwen, Felix doesn't want to stay.

Please tell him to stay.

Please, girls, this is embarrassing.

I can go to a hotel.

Nonsense. There's plenty

of room on the sofa.

I'll be in the way.

How could you possibly

be in anyone's way?

Want to see

a typewritten list?

Haven't you said enough already?

Please. Please.

Just for a few days?

Until you get settled.

Please, say yes.

We'd be so happy.

Well, maybe just for a few days.

Oh, that's marvelous!

Get the rest of your things.

We'll go and clean the house.

And cook dinner.

It will be nice to have a man

about the house again.

Good night, gentlemen.

Sorry to interrupt

your bridge game.

- Ta-ta!

- Ta-ta!

I told you it's always

the quiet guys.

Gee. What nice girls.

Hey, Felix,

are you really going to

move in with them?

Just for a couple of days

until I can get my own pad.

Aren't you going

to thank me, Felix?

For what?

The two greatest

things I've done for you...

taking you in, throwing you out.

Oscar, you're right.

Getting thrown out

twice is enough.

In gratitude, I remove the curse.

Bless you and thank you,

Wicked Witch of the North.

Probably the girls.

They hate it when I'm late.

It's your wife.

Oh. Um, do me a favor, Murray.

Tell her I can't

talk to her right now.

Tell her I'll call her

in a couple of days

because we have

a lot to talk about.

Tell her if I sound

different to her,

it's because I'm not the same man

she threw out three weeks ago.

Just tell her that, Murray.

I will when I see her.

This is Oscar's wife.

Hello, Blanche.

I got a good idea

why you're calling.

You got my checks, right?

So now we're all even up?

No, I haven't been

winning at the track.

I've just been

eating home a lot lately.

You don't have to

thank me, Blanche.

I'm just doing what's right.

That's very nice of you, too.

Well, good night, Mr. Madison.

You need any heavy cleaning,

I get $1 .50 an hour.

Wait.

Yeah. Yeah. OK, right.

Talk to you tomorrow night.

Kiss the kids for me, will you?

Good night, Blanche.

Felix, what about

next Friday night?

You won't break up the poker game?

Me? Never!

Marriage may come and go,

but the game must go on.

So long, Frances.

So long, Blanche.

Well, are we just

going to sit around,

or are we going to play poker?

Let's play.

Hey, boys, boys, boys,

let's watch the cigarette butts, shall we?

This is my house... not a pigsty.

Ante a quarter, fellas.

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