The Oranges Page #5

to take you seriously,

then let me ask you

a few questions.

OK.

Would you say that

the connection you're feeling

is genuine,

that what you have is real?

- Yes.

- Yes.

Absolutely.

Now, we're all aware

there's a significant

age difference here.

If what we're feeling

is real, and genuine,

then age doesn't matter.

I guess, then, what

I'm asking is, Nina, honey...

...are you OK

sucking David's old balls?

- Cathy!

- Oh, my God.

- Cathy.

- It's a legitimate question.

His balls are much older

than her.

- Vanessa!

- You are being such an a**hole.

Do not call your mother

an a-hole in this house!

Thank you, Terry! Thank you.

I'm sorry I lied to you.

This is a nightmare.

I mean, I... I understand

you're going through this, like,

pathetic meltdown or something,

but, like, if you had to

f*** somebody half your age,

did it have to be her?

Oh, and by the way, Dad,

um, what about Mom?

It was right about then

that sh*t started

to really get weird.

My father started

calling in sick to work a lot.

Gadgets McGee was unnerved

to see Nina with my dad.

But he was also struck

by how alive his friend seemed.

Inspired to recapture

his own lost youth, or something,

he went online and found

a pick-up ultimate frisbee game

in Paramus.

Hey, guys! You, uh...

you got room for one more?

No daylight. No daylight.

So it was really Jared Kass

and I, and Joel Silver...

Joel Silver,

the movie producer?

Yeah. Yeah.

My mother

had been making herself

mysteriously unavailable.

But, as all our neighbours

discovered...

..she hadn't completely lost sight

of the Christmas spirit.

Terry!

Everything was changing.

Terry!

No-one even recognised

each other anymore.

- Smoothie?

- Oh, good God.

Very good.

Now kiss the chef.

Maybe they are really in love.

You said it doesn't last.

You said that the grasses only

wanted the cows for their money.

Usually that is the case,

but not always.

- Your dad is pretty cute.

- Don't be gross, OK?

Just because you haven't gotten

laid in, like, three weeks.

Perhaps your problem is

more with Nina than your father.

Oh, is that so, Henry?

Why is that?

Because maybe you are jealous,

because she has travelled

many places and has lived,

because she takes chances.

No. You know what?

You, my friend,

have breathed in

a little too much

of this cheap pine wax, OK?

'Cause she's a selfish skank.

And he's selfish too.

Yeah, but if he

really is happier with her

and you make him stop,

then you're the one

who's being selfish.

That is maybe

the most intelligent thing

you have ever said.

Hey.

What is Barnyard International?

Well, um... See those presents

you got at babyGap?

Instead of giving those

to a baby

who might already

have lots of clothes,

why not help a baby

who doesn't have any food?

They're not for a baby.

They're for my husband's

new girlfriend.

Here's some pamphlets.

"One goat can provide a family

"with enough milk

for an entire year."

It's like the Christmas gift

that keeps giving.

Yeah. It is.

That's good. Can I use that?

Sure.

Oh, yes! Oh! Oh!

There are gift receipts inside,

if anyone wants to return them.

I think after Christmas Eve,

we should demand

that Paige have dinner with us.

What are you doing?

Come here.

- I have toothpaste in my mouth.

- I don't care.

Come here.

OK. Thank you

for dropping me off.

I got you these.

Chef's clogs.

You said after working last night,

your feet hurt, so...

You're so sweet.

OK. You're gonna

make me late.

Whoo!

- That was fast.

- Yeah.

Um...

What?

Nothing.

What's up?

Nothing.

Come on.

Tell me what's wrong.

- I...

- I love you, Nina.

You sh*t. You suck.

I wanted to say it first.

Well, now I'm not saying it.

You blew it, buddy.

I'm just kidding.

I love you too.

You guys were married

for 28 years.

If anyone should call,

it should be him.

- Do you have any perfume?

- No.

What?! Where are you

even going?

Well, I read about

a late-evening cabaret show

that begins at 9:30.

- I'm taking myself out.

- Cabaret?

Am I the only one

who's dealing with this?

I mean, don't you

want to come back home?

I'm not sure.

I'm having a good time

for once.

I'd like to see you

do the same.

Let's go, guys!

Pick up the pace!

Hey, Mondo!

Where's my rigatoni? Let's go!

Bring it up, parmigiana.

Nina! Plate 27!

Alright, guys-

On 24, I got a mahi mahi

and a chicken parmigiana.

Thanks for sending her to me.

She's a good worker.

- Well, that's great.

- Chef likes her.

Haven't seen you and Paige

for a while. It's good to see you.

- Enjoy.

- Thanks.

- Done with your appetiser, sir?

- Sorry?

Done with your appetiser, sir?

Yeah. That... Yeah.

That's great. Thanks.

Hello.

Hi, Paige.

Nice move

on the Christmas card.

Thank you.

- Dining alone?

- Uh, yeah. I guess.

So how are you doing?

Is everything...

Sit down. Don't have to

make this uncomfortable.

Just...

Plus, you know

how I hate pleasantries.

What about you?

You look happy.

Things are OK.

You know, I'm...

If you're happy,

you can say so.

You don't need

to spare my feelings.

Just... be genuine,

David, please.

Please.

Yes. I'm happy-

Thank you.

Yeah.

Look, I know

there's nothing I can say...

Then don't try.

Paige, stop. Please.

This is exactly

how we got to this.

OK, not exactly.

It's partly.

We stopped talking

to each other.

I used to love who I was

around you.

What happened to us?

We used to have fun.

Remember that?

We used to laugh.

God, you were so funny.

I'm still funny.

I'm... Ask them.

Shelly just fired me!

Hey, hey.

- What happened?

- Oh! This is f***ing bullshit!

- What? Why?

- Because he's not an idiot.

He saw you and Paige, and he

saw me, and he figured it out.

He said he didn't want

to be in the middle of it.

And I was good at that job!

Why...

Why were you talking to her?

She came into the restaurant.

What do you expect me to do?

I saw you sitting with her,

and I just thought...

Thought what?

I don't know.

You looked normal together.

Can we please get out of here?

# I really can't stay

# But, baby, it's cold outside

- # I've got to go away

- # But, baby, it's cold outside

# This evening has been...

# Been hoping that you drop in

# So very nice

# I'll hold your hands

They're just like ice

# My mother

will start to worry... I

Hi. Mrs Ostroff'?

We've never met.

But I'm Ethan.

You're our leader.

You can't quit!

Christmas Eve is in, like,

six days. They're counting on us.

Try and calm down. Calm down.

Calm down. Order!

I know you're upset.

But you're all

dedicated and talented singers.

Marcus will take over

as leader.

- What?!

- Marcus?

- Why are you even doing this?

- Yeah.

Well, I believe these pamphlets

should explain everything.

Each cow or goat

will allow its recipient

independence

and self-sufficiency

for years to come.

And that's pretty great,

isn't it?

Shelly, this has

nothing to do with you.

No, I know it's complicated.

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