The Other Woman Page #5

Well, sh*t! I don't know!

All I know is what

I heard,

and he's meeting somebody!

Well, not me! So he's

cheating on both of us.

Oh, my God, that's it!

He's cheating on us!

I was kidding about that.

If he's not seeing you- I'm so

sorry I said that, that sucks...

...but if he isn't seeing you,

he's seeing someone else.

Think about it.

Between the two of us...

...he has the perfect woman.

What else would he need?

The one thing

we're not giving him... sex.

Katie?

Time to go, sweetie.

Okay. Are you all packed for

your business meetings?

I hate working on the weekends.

I feel bad for you.

Let me walk you out.

Have a great weekend.

You, too!

Bye!

You look gorgeous today.

Thanks, honey.

Safe flight!

I'll call you when I get in.

Don't forget.

Let's go! He's probably

halfway there already!

We're going to lose him.

What's Thunder doing?

No, no, no, no, no!

Are you kidding me? No!

Sorry.

Jesus, that was... I think that

might have been his balls.

It was... Ugh!

I don't think we should rush

into anything. What are you doing?

When you're divvying up friends

in the divorce, keep this one.

You won't see anything

through those hedges.

You're being a very negative detective.

Give me a boost up.

Look, he won't catch us.

Go higher.

Oh, hell, no!

Now he's crossed the line!

What? What is it?

It's a Jetta.

It's a Jetta!

So?

Only young, hot girls

drive Jettas!

I had a Jetta.

That's what I'm talking about.

Hi, there.

I was out for a jog

and my hammies locked up.

When that happens,

I have to stretch.

I'm not Gumby!

Just pulled over

for a little stretch.

That feels so much better.

Yup. That's a lot better.

You got to stretch it out.

Stretch it out.

That is it!

From now on, you have to tell me

what we're doing,

where we're going...

...and what's happening, 'cause

I can't take it anymore!

Let's go!

Oh, God!

Well, well. Look who's

here... the wife and the mistress.

I'm not a mistress.

Not technically, anyway.

She comes in peace, so be nice.

All right. Come on in.

So can I ask, what the

hell are you two up to?

Don't say it's

a social call, because you

haven't been here

since I bought the place.

We think Mark has another

mistress... we're going to find her.

Mmm-hmm.

And what do you plan on doing

if you find this girl?

Don't come at me

with all your...

...weird little man logic.

This is a...

...one-day-at-a-time operation.

Today is light recon day.

A grappling hook?

Really?

Damn.

Look, I don't know if

you're here out of...

...morbid curiosity,

or you and Kate

are the weirdest friends ever...

We are.

The weirdest friends ever.

...But she's a good person.

And though Mark's an a**hole,

they had something real.

And when she's done

running around with you,

she'll realize that's gone.

And it's going to suck.

So...

...try not to make that

part any worse for her.

Okay.

Okay.

They are on the move.

Okay.

Nothing.

Okay.

- He's up!

- Really? What's he doing?

Kissing.

Uh-huh.

Probably tongue.

Mmm-hmm.

Probably enjoying.

Great.

Okay, target is moving!

Target is on the move.

All right.

Oh, he's wearing

those cute shorts

I got him for Christmas.

They look good.

Okay.

I can't believe

you're not interested.

Just promise

when you meet her...

...you won't lose your sh*t like you

did with me. Don't say you didn't.

I did, because I was a mistress-virgin

and you were the first.

Now I'm all worn in

like an old glove.

She's getting up!

Oh, my God.

Holy sh*t!

What?

Oh, come on!

What is that?

Let me see. Let me see!

Okay, but you're

not going to like it.

Ah!

She makes me look

like I'm wearing a diaper!

You think she had that made?

No. When you have a body like that,

everything fits you perfectly.

This is just so unoriginal,

Mark! So clich!

She's the perfect

ten lemon tart...

Maybe an eleven.

...double-D, natural double-D.

A triple-D.

It's like a midlife

crisis mistress!

She's like a clich of every

wife's waking nightmare!

You have to admit, that's pretty good.

Seriously.

Okay, fine.

She's beautiful.

At some point you say...

I play tennis, right?

But if I play against John

McEnroe, I expect to lose.

You know what?

Right?

I am McEnroe!

What are you doing?!

Where are you going?! Wait!

No!!!

Stop!!!

What happened to being calm?!

Carly!!

Carly!

Stop!!!

I can't believe

he was cheating on me!

Oh, boo-hoo!

He cheated on me, too!

You're the wife!

He's supposed to cheat on you!

Oh, my God!

Stop, you crazy housewife!

Stop the grappling!

I'm strong when I'm mad!!

What's going on?

Hi.

I just can't believe

he'd lie to me.

I really thought

we were soulmates.

Oh, my God, I am so sorry.

I can't believe I said that.

You're his soulmate.

I'm a whore.

You must hate me so much. If it's

any consolation, I hate me more.

I don't hate you at all.

I got all that out of

my system with that one.

You're so amazing, to be friends

with your husband's mistress.

Yeah, it's like

a dream come true.

Ignore her. She's working

through some stuff right now.

She's kind of troubled. But you

smell amazing. What is that?

I think it's just sweat.

The worst part about this is,

you seem so nice...

...and he had me believing

you were the devil.

Wait, what?

He said you cheated on him,

then asked for a divorce.

He said that...

I was the cheater?

That's what he said?

That I cheated?

I'm so sorry.

That is so... Okay.

That's... What an a**hole!

He's a liar, Kate.

Who cares?

Because it's not fair.

He made me the bad guy.

And he's divorcing me?

You know it's not actually

happening, right?

He could pick any scenario,

and he picks that?

And makes me the villain?

And then divorces

me for fake-cheating?

I shouldn't have told you.

I'm sorry.

It's not your fault

I married a monster.

You are innocent in all this.

Let's go back to Phil's.

Okay, let's go.

Wait! What do I do?

You can't just leave me.

Mark will be back any minute!

We'll get your number.

Can we keep her?

No, we can't keep her!

We have a dog at home!

You pulled my hair,

which is totally...

Hey, hey, hey!

Watch what I taught Thunder.

Thunder, get me a beer.

- Unbelievable.

- Wow!

- That's crazy.

- It's a miracle.

- That dog is trying to break me.

- He really is.

Good boy.

So, how was the stalking?

Thunder! Traitor.

How'd it go, weirdo?

It was good! We ran on the

beach, met Mark's new mistress...

Amber.

Twenty-two, super hot.

Are you jealous?

No, I'm not jealous. I just don't

have an insane girl crush.

I think it's good

she's super hot.

It brings up our group average.

This isn't

frickin' Sister Wives.

You sure you're not angry?

Letting it out is better

than having to tell the cops

you didn't mean to

hug her to death.

You're so funny! You'll

see when you meet her.

What? When I meet her?

Up high.

You look so pretty!

You look so pretty.

It's really annoying.

It's just bad.

What's that up there?

That's the best

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