The Other Woman Page #6

part of the house.

You'll like it.

Come on. I'll show you.

You're such a good girl.

Mark's an a**hole!

He is.

Wow.

I know exactly what

I would do with it.

I would put a coffee

table right here...

...so I could have

my morning coffee.

You can't. There's too much morning sun.

It would blast you.

No, this is where I would

want to exist, right here...

...looking at that.

You sure?

Yeah.

I'll think about it.

You better.

Okay.

Kate might actually

have a point about

her bringing up

the group average.

Do you care if I smoke?

No! I kind of

want one, too.

Since when do you smoke?

Since whenever I want to.

This should be good.

If we find any more mistresses,

I'll have to send her to rehab.

Don't worry, we didn't hook up.

We didn't? Oh, thank God.

You took off your clothes

to go skinny dipping.

Really?

You girls started

in on the tequila...

...and it all went

downhill from there.

You wouldn't get dressed, so

I buttoned you in backwards.

Shut up.

So let me get this straight.

I came into your bed naked...

...and tried to molest you,

so you made a straitjacket and a

pillow fort to protect yourself.

Yeah.

Oh, my God,

I've hit rock bottom.

Nah. Don't worry about it.

We were pretty out of our heads,

and I like to think

I'm a good guy, so...

So you needed

the pillows to resist me.

Let's say I was

hedging my willpower.

I'm going to take a shower.

Good morning!

What are you guys doing?

Phil went for a run

and Amber's making frittatas.

Have you packed?

I want to get on

the road before traffic starts.

No, 'cause then I have to

go home and deal with Mark.

I was thinking, what sucks...

...is that he should be the one freaking

out, not me. I didn't do anything.

Instead, he's totally fine and I'm

sitting here with the two of you...

...pretending

not to know you...

...and on top of it, I have

to get my ducks in a row.

What do you want to do?

This may sound wrong, but I

kind of want him to hurt.

I want to be the one...

...who makes him

start a new life

because I took it away from him.

I want him to feel

what I feel, but worse.

So you're talking about

maximum pain, right?

We should kick him in the balls!

That's like

a really good thought, and

I like the way your

brain works, but...

...we're thinking about something

a little bigger than that.

It doesn't matter anyway.

He's always going

to wind up on top

because he's

a killer and I'm not.

That's not true.

You're not alone.

You have us.

Exactly.

Put the Lawyer, the Wife

and the B*obs together...

...you have

a perfect killing machine.

Yes! I do?

I know how a**holes

do a**hole-y things...

...you know how Mark does

everything, and Amber knows...

We'll find out what Amber knows.

What are you saying?

I'm saying that if you

want to take him down...

...then let's take him down.

We have him surrounded.

Surrounded!

If we put our brains together...

The three of us...

...can be just as

shady as he can.

I am in.

Are you in?

I'm in!

Hi, honey!

Mmm...

It tastes different today.

I added kiwi.

I like it.

I'll keep adding it!

F*** you! F*** you!

I was going crazy without you.

I'm sorry for being a jerk.

No, no. You know what?

I overreacted.

I did. I really did.

It's just that you were

going to meet my dad...

...and I've been so

worried about him.

He's going through so much

with this divorce, and...

Sorry. Do you mind?

I'll just be a Sec.

No, that's fine.

Mike.

No, I was setting the mike.

What do you want?

I love this tie.

Hold that thought.

I'm sorry.

Um... where were we?

My dad's divorce.

Right.

You're worried about him.

I am.

He's going to have to give

this woman half his money.

Half of everything he has.

And she does nothing. Just lays

around the house all day long.

He has been

working his whole life...

...and she is going to take half of it!

It's not fair.

He can't give away

what he doesn't have.

You mean he should

hide his money?

Not hide. Lose.

I don't understand.

Maybe I should just

tell him in person.

You would do that?

Whoa!

Are you okay?

Actually, no.

We should go. Now.

Really?

Please.

Are you okay?

Something's not right.

You go.

I'll call you later.

I can wait for you.

I don't mind.

No, it's fine.

It's good.

Oh, sh*t! Oh!

Oh! Come on!

Oh!

Oh, God!

Oh! That was painful.

Oh, my God!

No! No!

Oh, no.

Hey, buddy?

Can you help me out?

I need you to buy me some pants.

Things got really

tough in here, huh?

I'm a 34-inch waist.

The fit doesn't

have to be perfect.

I like blue.

Or green!

You still there?

Hello?

What happened to you?

I had a fecal incident.

I needed some pants

and the only person

who didn't try to

rob me was a hipster.

I'm sorry, did you say you

had a fecal incident?

Like you pooped your pants?

Yes, Kate. Exactly like that.

I sh*t my pants.

And you know what? It's about to

happen again, so if you don't mind...

...I'm going to go see if our

toilet can take a punch.

You found it!

I did.

Come sit down.

Is your shirt see-through?

The girl at the shop told me that

sheer is the next big thing.

Your Indian girl

didn't veto that?

Ah! I haven't seen her.

We didn't have that twinkle.

I like sheer shirts.

Dad, this is Amber.

Hi, Amber.

Hi. Um...

Mmm...

I'm fine, thank you.

I'm really okay. Thank you.

I hate being touched.

Where are we? Seriously.

What is this, Saigon?

Don't make fun of 'Nam.

Best years of my life.

This place is awesome.

My neck was so tight.

What's it called? "No

Hands." Isn't it great?

Watch this.

You see? No hands.

I can't put my finger on it,

but there's something

very wrong with that.

So, what's up? What's this big

mystery you want me to solve?

Hypothetically...

...if I wanted to

protect my money

by "losing" it, what would I do?

Losing it?

You're not working with

hypothetical Feds, are you?

No! Do you have a

problem with the Feds?

Actually, don't tell me.

What's this guy do?

Develops start-up

companies.

Ah, the Chuzzlewit Pinch.

Oh.

He ain't losing money,

he's robbing it.

Hmm...

Here's what you do... look

for blind offshore filings.

Like in Switzerland

or the Bahamas.

If I was going to "lose"

money, that's where I'd do it.

Can I have another drink?

You okay, baby?

You need my help on this?

No. I got this.

Stop frowning before

you break your face.

Better?

That's your Evil Genius smile. Is

somebody about to get screwed?

You screw me, I screw you back.

I'm a lady like that.

A three-way?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Please?

Come on.

You'll love Dana.

Dana?

It'll be so hot. I think it'd

be a game changer for us.

All right.

If you really want to.

Yay! Thank you!

Dana!

Baby, this is Dana.

Hmm?

What?

I knew you'd love her!

Ah!

Oh!

What the hell?

Kate!

Yes? Kate!!

Look at this.

It looks like you put on weight.

Yes. And have you ever

seen sh*t like this?

Oh, yeah!

Don't do that.

Are they sensitive?

Does that hurt?

Ah!

Tune in Tokyo.

It just looks like

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