The Outcasts Page #2

I'm hoping to get time off

from this conversation

for good behavior.

You're funny, Wellesley.

Thanks, Penn State.

I'm Dave by the way.

We were lab partners sophomore year.

Um Mandy.

Mindy.

Mindy like...

- Like Mindy.

- Like Mindy, cool.

Any reason it would be awkward

for me not to know your name?

Not unless you're an avid follower

of the piccolo section in

the school marching band.

Ah I'm more of a tuba

section guy myself.

Well then I'm Jodi.

Hi.

There you guys are.

Welcome to the 1%.

- Follow me.

- Our pleasure.

Good luck!

Cool, right?

Mackenzie!

Go fetch some drinks for

our guests of honor, please.

Oh that's not, not.

Dorks, balls now.

They want you to play pong.

Like ping?

No, beer.

Oh.

Thank you.

Boom!

Drink.

I think it's gone bad.

No, that's just what beer tastes like.

I don't lose.

- You did it!

- Yeah!

Excuse me!

Hello everyone.

Can I have your attention please?

Shh!

Whitney would like to say a few words.

As you may have noticed,

we have some new additions tonight,

Jodi Shallenberger and Mindy Lipschitz.

Sh*t lips!

Not so funny after four years.

Now, most of us walk past these two

and have never bothered

to get to know them.

So I put together a little

video of our very own Jodi

so we could all learn

a bit more about her.

Someone's ballin'.

Who's Jodi?

Oh.

Well any requests?

Ooh eczema, I'm gonna vanquish ya

Yow!

Oh you're such a good kisser.

I'd party down with you

any time, Adam Scott.

Oh my god.

You know how there are the

birds and there are the bees.

How familiar are you with male anatomy?

Oh my god, Dad, I am 17.

Hon, got your tampons.

Dad!

No, I need maximum flow.

I told you, Dad!

Oh no!

Jodi, wait!

You're all mean!

Jodi!

You're late.

How epic was prank eight?

I want to be you when I grow up.

If you're going to

be in power next year,

this is your new Bible,

the 48 Laws of Power.

I suggest you heed law number one.

Never outshine the master.

Your lawnmower man is like so happy.

Don't wave!

Mackenzie, drive.

Reach all the stars

'Cause you are my friend

And you're killing it every day

Hey, Jodi.

It's me, your best friend.

Um I'm at school right now and you know,

it is really, really not that bad.

Oy vey.

Oh my god, have you seen

Jodi's Instagram feed?

Someone tagged a photo of

her on a box of tampons.

- That is really not right.

- Oh my god.

That prank was pretty twisted, Whitney.

Even for you.

I mean, how mental do you have to be

to put that much effort

into messing with a couple of nerds

who were just trying to make peace?

All I had to do was teach

myself how to hack a webcam,

figure out Jodi's IP address

and then trick her into responding

to a spyware email I

learned how to write.

You guys are demonic.

You're like medieval to each other.

I will not allow Big Bang Theory

and her frizzy-haired lap dog

to roam the halls of this school

thinking that for one

second they are my equal.

Law 15, crush your enemy totally.

Right.

Oh Jodi, coming in.

Remember that only my opinion matters.

Hey, I brought you something.

I brought you my favorite book on Tesla,

who was also totally defeated

and humiliated in his lifetime

and has since regained popularity

and had a resurgence of respect.

Also brought some cookies.

They'll be good in an hour.

And a mint.

Yeah!

Oh.

You know, one day we are

gonna look back on this

and it is going to be...

Uh just stop, Mindy.

I told you this was gonna happen.

People like Whitney don't change.

God, I knew I shouldn't have

clicked on that attachment.

New Tina Fey series,

piccolo players wanted.

Okay, all right.

No, no.

No.

We're not accepting defeat.

Do we accept defeat?

No.

We are gonna win this one.

I'm sure you understand

the definition of winning.

This...

Not winning.

Hey.

I am serious.

We are gonna stand up for ourselves.

Yeah?

And how exactly are we gonna do that?

By beating those fascists

at their own game.

We're gonna be popular.

And not lame top 40 popular,

awesome popular.

All of us.

All of the people they have treated

like second class citizens

and then copied their calculus homework.

Popular people don't take calculus.

I know because they are stupid dolts

who are gonna go to

below average Universities

and get mediocre grades

and still end up being our bosses

unless we do something

about it right now.

Just like that, we're gonna

overthrow generations

of ingrained high school social strata?

Yes.

Is there anything we have

ever put our minds to

that we have not accomplished?

Well we didn't get

Firefly back on the air.

Shh!

Besides getting Firefly back on the air.

Then...

No.

Let's do this.

Boom!

And so it was.

The revolution was born.

And Tina Fey, if you're listening,

I'd still play piccolo for you.

Power to the peons.

The facts were simple.

There were more of us

than there were of them.

So all we had to do was

convince the outsiders,

misfits and weirdos of

the school to ban together.

Basically we were gonna

unionize the outcasts.

Power to the peons.

Oh wait.

Unfortunately, it wasn't that simple.

Oh!

Well that was a lucky shot.

- Gross, but lucky.

- Yeah.

Power to the peons!

Hi guys.

I am Claire, ambassador troop 2579.

Welcome, Claire.

I like where your horse head's at.

Going straight Godfather, huh?

It's a unicorn for

my spirit animal badge.

You do realize that this is a meeting

to launch a social revolution.

Yup, I'm in.

Whatever you guys need.

Oh great.

Well why don't you take a seat inside

and we will be with you shortly.

Yay!

What the hell?

We talked to pretty much

every misfitoy in this school

and the only thing we have

to show for it is Marcia Brady.

Hey, all revolutions

have to start somewhere.

Oh my god, Sugar Jones

incoming 12 o'clock.

No eye witnesses.

Activate shield.

I hear you're trying to obliterate

the jackhole normative power hierarchy

of this pathetic excuse for a school.

Well obliterate is kind

of extreme, but yeah.

I'm in.

Okay, we may be small in number,

but we're all here for a reason, right?

Right.

- Wait, why are we here?

- Jesus.

If this is all we got to show,

I say we just burn this mother

down and be done with it.

Arson sounds like a fabulous plan.

But if we need to get more people,

we could go door to door

like I do with cookies.

It's an excellent way

to bond with people

in a place where they feel

comfortable being themselves.

Screw Girl Scout cookies,

an obvious conspiracy to subjugate girls

and force them into

traditional gender roles

by selling overpriced, unremarkable,

and nutritionally-deficient baked goods.

We suck at this.

This isn't a revolution,

this is a girl band.

We need someone who can work the system,

Karl Rove good witch style.

Wait.

Virginia.

As president of the History,

Young Democrats,

Multi United Nations Club, I am...

Virginia Vanderkamp had locked up

most likely to succeed in third grade.

Our junior year, Virginia launched

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