The Outcasts Page #3

the culmination of all her hard work,

a campaign for student

council president.

She had a well-oiled political machine

and several key endorsements.

Vote for me, Virginia.

- Do you want a pin?

- Hey Twilight, go Kyle.

But despite her

best efforts, she lost...

- ...to Kyle McDevon.

- Chipotle burritos, yeah!

Whose campaign speech consisted of

giving out free Chipotle gift cards.

You want a burrito, Virginia?

And spectacular abs.

Oh yeah!

After a crushing defeat,

she went where many a depressed

and disgruntled American

has gone before,

France.

Needless to say, she didn't come back

from summer break the same.

What's your shirt say?

Hell is other people.

Next.

Oh this girl definetely owns a pony.

Does anyone else feel underdressed?

Speak.

Hi, Virginia.

This is Mindy Lipschitz,

Jodi Shallenberger,

Sugar Jones and Claire the Girl Scout.

We were trying to upend

the social hierarchy of our school.

Or destroy it.

And we could use your help.

I'm not interested

in your futile attempts

to make sense of the world's chaos.

Be gone.

We were actually thinking more

along the lines of revenge.

What?

We tried to talk to all

the different groups,

but nobody wanted to join the cause.

Well of course not.

You think all the outcasts are the same,

but really we're like snowflakes,

snowflakes that hate each other.

Let me break it down for you.

You've got your basic overachievers,

your underachievers,

your emos, your goths,

your bandos, your drama dorks,

orchestra oddballs and gleeks.

Then there are kids

lost in middle earth,

kids lost in space, kids

who take up too much space,

your steampunk,

cyber punk, classic punk,

kids with foreign parents,

kids who are parents,

Twihards, kids who try too hard,

kids who write binary, kids

who reject the gender binary,

gamers, stoners, loners, anarchists,

activists, masochists, and atheists.

There are more strains

of loser out there

than the herpes virus.

Uniting them under one banner,

that is no easy task.

So we're screwed.

I said it wasn't easy, I didn't

say it was impossible.

What is this place?

It used to be my campaign headquarters.

Prior to that it was used by my father

to house his miniature horse collection.

Prior to that it was used by

my schizophrenic grandfather

to interrogate imaginary communists.

He won an imaginary medal for that.

Man, rich white people are messed up.

When I was running for office,

I did a little research on the voters.

So this is where the NSA

stores its data.

These files represent

the entire student body.

Each one of them contains

your standard class list,

GPA, activities, hobbies,

psychological profile,

past and current lovers, and

most importantly weaknesses.

No effing way.

Point of weakness, Tina Fey piccolo.

Geeze, am I that transparent?

Overtly aggressive,

lack of impulse control

militant with anarchist undertones.

Nice.

Latent Napoleonic tendencies.

What does yours say, Claire?

It just says Girl Scout.

What's in your file, Virginia?

I don't have any weaknesses.

These three files

represent the king pins

of the school's underclass.

Convince them and you

have a shot at this thing.

The key is figuring out

what makes people tick

and then exploiting it mercilessly.

I like you, Virginia

even if you are named

after a slave state.

First up, Howard Chang,

leader of the young entrepreneurs.

Points of weakness,

black mock turtlenecks,

technology savvy women

and the word billion.

I get what you guys are going for.

I think it's very innovative,

but it's just not right for us.

We're working on an app right

now that's gonna blow up.

Asiavous, Facebook for Asians.

And besides, I've got

to look to the future,

not worry about high school.

I still have to get

into Harvard, then drop out of Harvard

before I can start my first company.

Here's to the crazy ones,

the misfits, the rebels.

You can quote them

or disagree with them,

but the only thing you

can't do is ignore them

because they change things.

Do you know who said that?

Apple and that is why

they make billions.

Next is Martin Vimmel,

head of the Science Fiction Club.

Points of weakness, hard sci-fi,

the sound of his own voice

and very aggressive women.

Okay, here's the deal.

Just because you're a science geek,

doesn't mean we're

your comrades in arms.

Science is about what is.

Any idiot can do that.

Science-fiction is about what could be.

We're huge Dr. Who fans.

Yeah, the Matt Smith years

completely turned the series around.

Completely.

Tell you what, give me the title

of one Neal Stephenson novel, just one,

and I'll join your little group.

You think skinny, anemic fanboys

have a monopoly on

the one fictional genre

where women and people of color

get to exist outside of

backwards societal norms

and traditional confinements?

Not to mention a genre

largely premised on the idea

that future dystopia is

the inevitable outcome

of the current system

of patriarchal excess?

Idiot.

Oh and Cryptonomicon,

Snow Crash, Anathem.

Should I go on?

Louis Hammerschmidt,

leader of the Fantasy Club.

Points of weakness, Elven languages,

heroic aspirations and any woman.

Whitney Bennett is the Cersei

Lannister of high school.

You guys are idiots if you think

you can play

the Game of Thrones with her.

I'm sorry, but I'm not going

to end up like Ned Stark.

Louis, think of it like this.

What if Frodo hadn't left the Shire

and fought against the Dark Lord?

Louis.

Thanks for the ride.

I'm really glad I'm helping you guys

with this whole thing.

I've always admired you.

Really?

Why?

You're just so unapologetic

for who you are.

That's been a recurring problem.

So when did you know?

That I rubbed people the wrong way?

I haven't heard that

one before, but yeah.

Um you know, I guess it

was pretty obvious since

I was a kid, but I really hit

my stride in middle school.

I rub people the wrong way too.

I mean, I haven't actually yet.

But I want to someday.

First I have to figure out

how to tell them.

That you're rude and obnoxious?

That I'm gay.

Wait what?

It's so great to talk to

somebody who's already out.

You're like my hero.

When you walked through the school

with that sign on your back

announcing that you were gay,

I could not believe how brave you were.

Okay first of all,

someone put that sign

on my back as a prank

and secondly, why does

everyone think I'm gay?

You do wear a lot of vests.

Huh.

I'm sorry, I just, I thought that...

No, it's okay.

I'm really glad that you told me.

So...

When did you know?

I think it finally clicked

when I realized

I didn't just love Veronica Mars,

I loved Veronica Mars.

Preach.

I will, I will see you

at school in the halls.

You know and say hi to me.

- See you later.

- See you.

Things are happening, Herb.

Things are happening.

Yes they are.

New York Performing Arts School.

Deal's a deal.

I have a date with Carol

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