The Outcasts Page #7

We had pretended we cared

about coming together,

but in the end people only

cared about themselves.

Even best friends.

So it had all been a lie,

which was fitting since

when you think about it

most of high school is a lie.

Everyone faking it, trying to act cooler

or smarter or older or just

more sure of themselves

than they really are and

I couldn't help but think

wouldn't it be nice for once

if people just told the truth.

So you're going to drug prom?

That makes it sound so serious.

Lipschitzium is a very

mild form of truth serum

in gaseous form.

Think of it like a very smart person's

version of spiking the punch, okay?

Oh I'm fine with you drugging prom.

So what changed your mind

about working with me?

You may be a duplicitous opportunist,

but at least you're honest

about what you want.

Hmm.

Thank god you're back.

Do you know what it was like

being the only hot person

in this school?

The army of dorkness is multiplying

faster than the Kardashians.

Oh!

Sorry, habit.

So are you going to prom?

Hell no.

Hey Whitney, can your dad mow my lawn?

You have a message from Mom.

Make sure you drive

safely to school, honey.

You'll know.

Love, Mommy.

I'm sorry you had to see that.

You don't need a date to go to prom.

The date, the dress, the revelry.

I don't even know where

to begin with my hatred.

And anyways, Mindy and I

had always planned

on doing a Star Wars

marathon on prom night.

13.24 hours prequels and all.

I get it, it's just...

What?

I had a chat with Mackenzie.

She's apparently Mindy's intern now

and she wouldn't tell me anything,

but it sounds like Mindy's planning

some sort of crazy prank at prom.

Guess she's not done

getting her revenge.

Why are they fighting on a

hovercraft above molten lava?

Well Herb, I'll tell you.

Obi-Wan here is just

trying to be a good friend

and to keep Anakin from

acting like a total jackhole,

but Anakin is more interested

in making a stupid power play

than in hanging out

with his best friend.

Hmm I don't know.

It seems to me Obi-Wan

is being pretty brave,

standing up for the fate of the universe

and trying to help out his friend

who seems to be going

through maybe a rough time.

Even if Obi-Wan ends

up having to chop off

his best friend's legs and

his best friend ends up

turning into some

mouth-breathing, goth cyborg

who eventually kills him?

Yeah, even then.

Jodi.

There's one thing that I do know.

Nothing great ever happens

when you're sitting on the sidelines.

Sh*t.

I gotta go to prom.

Thanks, Dad.

Jodi, I am your father.

Your founding father.

I really hope this isn't genetic.

Dad, are there any old clothes

in Mom's closet I can wear?

Wow.

What a vision.

Just got off the phone with Carol.

Dave doesn't have a date either.

So she's gonna bring him over

here so you guys can carpool.

Dad!

It's fine.

You're just carpooling.

It's not gonna be awkward at all.

You guys, come on, squeeze in over here.

Grab her waist.

She's not your sister.

And...

Perfect.

All right, see ya.

All right, so I'm just gonna go.

Shh!

Okay the coast is clear, let's go.

We are so Breaking Bad right now.

Hey Colin.

Who came up with this theme anyway?

The patriarchy.

You back in?

Wanna bust a move?

Fine, whatever.

You gotta get up to get down.

I think I might actually be a PC.

Maybe my therapist is right.

I am dating my father.

Is there any way to deny

that all human suffering

originates from human desire?

Unless the only way to end

suffering is to end desire.

But the illogical and

futile nature of desire

will inevitably win out

over our rational nature.

This punch...

Is good.

I know that everybody loves Harry,

but I can certainly appreciate

Zayn's brooding charm,

but for my money, Liam is

the unsung hero of One Direction.

I find everything about you repulsive,

yet I'm strangely drawn to you.

That is the nicest thing

a girl has ever said to me.

I love you, man.

Yes homo.

I find myself incredibly

attracted to you

despite that pantsuit.

This is awesome.

Thank you, Adam Scott.

Hey um...

I really like you.

I really like.

Damn it.

Um I gotta go.

I'll find you later.

Promise?

Hey.

Where have you been?

Sorry I was, I was just

in the janitor's closet

making out with my future stepbrother.

Okay, we have to find Mindy.

And before her plan goes into effect.

God knows what she could do.

She is a really good chemist, you know?

Really good.

Oh my god, what is all this?

Is she trying to poison the school?

I wouldn't put it

past her at this point.

What do you think this does?

I don't, I don't...

Expose the truth.

Nice.

Some best friend you are.

I'm sorry, is the person

who's building a chemical weapon

questioning my integrity

in this scenario?

I figured it was about

time somebody cut through

all the bullshit so we could

see who people really were.

I told you you couldn't trust her.

And now all of a sudden you're, you're,

you guys are BFFs?

Yeah because between you and Whitney,

Whitney is the one who is acting

less like an evil dictator.

You are just jealous

because I am the one

who finally stood up to her,

which is something that you've

always been too scared to do.

I'm turning you in.

If you're not with me, you are my enemy.

Only a Sith deals in absolutes.

I will do what I must.

You will try.

No, no!

Whitney, go get help.

Eh no thanks.

Law 21.

Play a sucker to catch a sucker.

Emergency.

I need to report a crime in progress.

Okay everybody.

It is that time of the evening

that you've all been waiting for.

Your very handsome principal

is about to announce

your prom king and queen.

You shall not pass!

And the prom king is...

Louis Hammerschmidt?

Wow, you guys suck at this.

Make way or I'll have

you drawn and quartered.

My fellow classmates,

I intend to rule you all

with an iron but noble fist.

No!

And the prom queen is...

Oh.

The lovely Miss Claire Stuart.

- That's you, go.

- Congratulations.

Oh wow, you look lovely.

Thank you.

And let's let beauty and the beast

regale us with a little dance.

Watch your step.

Seize fire!

Seize fire!

That was exhausting.

Nerd fight!

No!

Oh my god!

Hey, do you need my help?

No, I got this.

Where have you been?

In Europe, proms don't start until 11.

Say you're sorry!

Why couldn't you just be happy for me?

Because you were too busy

exploring your sexuality

to attend to my emotional needs.

You knew how much MIT meant to me.

You know what, I am sorry

that for once in my life

I found a boy that is totally

awesome and broodingly sexy.

Oh my god, Jodi, stop it.

You think I'm totally awesome?

- Yeah.

- Cool, that's great.

- That's awesome.

- Thanks, man.

And I am really sorry

that for once in your life

your 10-year plan didn't go

perfectly, but you know what,

suck it up and deal with

it like the rest of us!

Oh ew, are you two gonna make out now?

You know what, Whitney, shut up!

I defended you.

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