The Owl House Page #2

Season #1 Episode #1: A Lying Witch and a Warden

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Luz:
[looks at Eda and laughs] That's not all it can do. Here, let me see it.

[Luz takes the tv and grabs two batteries from a dish labelled "Human candy! (????)" She puts the batteries in and presses the power button. A jazzercise video start playing with loud music]

Luz:
Voilà!

[Several customers and vendors stop at the noise]

Monster #1:
Huh?

Monster #2:
What's that?

Monster #3:
The sound‐‐ it's so alluring.

[Several monsters are now crowded around the tv]

Monster #1:
[holding up green bills] I'll pay 40 snails for the screaming box!

Monster #2:
I'll give you a hundred!

Monster #3:
Can I eat the tiny person inside?

[all bidding]

Eda:
[looks at Luz] What did you say your name was?

Luz:
I'm Luz. Luz Noceda.

Eda:
[taking people's money] Well, Luz, that was pretty clever... for a human.

Luz:
That's kind of a weird thing for another human to say.

Eda:
Oh, dear child, [take off bandana to reveal pointed ears] I'm not like you. [climbs onto the table] I'm Eda the Owl Lady, the most powerful witch on the Boiling Isles!

Luz:
A witch?

Eda:
I am a respected, feared‐‐

Guard #1:
Busted! [breaks the tv]

Monster:
Run! It's a guard!

[All of the customers run away screaming. Eda hops down from the table]

Guard #1:
[holds up Eda's wanted poster] Eda the Owl Lady, you are wanted for misuse of magic and demonic misdemeanors.

Luz:
[peeking over the edge of the table] Whoa! Witch criminal!

Guard #1:
[grabs Eda's arm] You are hereby ordered to come with me to the Conformatorium.

Eda:
[frees her arm] Would you guys quit following me around? I haven't done squat.

Guard #1:
And you're coming too... [picks Luz up by her hood]

Luz:
Aah!

Guard #1:
...for fraternizing with a criminal.

Luz:
Wh‐What? That's not cool!

Eda:
Oh, all right, all right, you win. Just let me get my stuff.

[Eda reaches under the table and grabs her staff, swinging it at the guard. He falls to the ground with a grunt. Eda spins her staff and taps the bottom of it on the table, making all her stuff float in midair. Luz picks herself and her book off the ground]

Eda:
Whoops. Can't forget this.

[Eda reaches into her hair and pulls out the key, pressing the eye to summon the portal door. She closes her hand into a fist, making the tablecloth wrap itself around all of her stuff. She sticks her staff through the bundle and starts running]

Eda:
Follow me, human.

Luz:
[following Eda] This is crazy. If I die here, my mom's gonna kill me!

Eda:
Ha! I won't let 'em hurt you. A human like you is much more valuable to me alive than dead.

Luz:
Wait. What's that supposed to‐‐

Eda:
Whoo‐hoo!

[Eda jumps, pulling herself and Luz onto her staff. They take off into the sky as the guard runs into frame]

Guard #1:
You won't get away with this, Owl Lady! [looks at his hands] Yeah, all right. You did. You got away with it. She got away with it, everybody! Typical.

[Cut to Eda and a crying Luz flying on Eda's staff above the Isles]

Eda:
You can open your eyes now, human.

Luz:
[does so, yells and nearly falls off the staff when she sees the ground below them] Flying staffs, crazy monsters, you're a witch! What is this place?

Eda:
[picks Luz up and rights her] This is the Boiling Isles. Every myth you humans have is caused by a little of our world leaking into yours.

[Various winged creatures fly behind them as Eda talks. A griffin that looks extremely similar to the one Luz made at school flies up next to them and screeches]

Luz:
A griffin!

[The griffin barfs spiders]

Luz:
I knew it!

Eda:
Yep. Griffins, vampires, giraffes....

Luz:
Giraffes?

Eda:
Oh, yeah. We banished those guys. Bunch of freaks.

[Eda lands the staff and hops off, though her hand stays behind]

Luz:
Aaah! [falls off the staff]

Eda:
Oops. [screws her hand back on] That happens sometimes.

Luz:
[stands] Well, I've had enough adventure for today. This is clearly not the PG fantasy world I always dreamed about. So, can you help me get back home?

[Eda levels her staff in front of Luz, startling her]

Eda:
Only if you help me first. [chuckles, lifts her staff, and walks away with the bag following her] Ah, now, come along, human.

Luz:
Whoa!

[Cut to a tower, on top of which is an owl with an uncanny human face that cackles. Zoom out as it flies down to reveal the Owl House, which Eda and Luz walk up to]

Luz:
[looking over her shoulder] Aren't you worried about those guards finding us?

Eda:
Nope. My house has a state‐of‐the‐art defense system.

Hooty:
Hoot‐hoot! Password, please!

[Eda pokes both of his eyes]

Hooty:
Aah!

Eda:
We got no time for this, Hooty. Let us in.

Hooty:
All right, all right! Geez! You never want to have any fun! Ow! Hoot!

[Hooty opens his mouth wide enough to completely cover the door. Eda and Luz step through, though Eda's bag stays outside. Hooty closes his mouth]

Hooty:
[burps]

[Cut to inside]

Eda:
Welcome to, [snaps her fingers] the Owl House...

[Candles ignite. A fire in the fireplace starts, a cauldron starts stirring itself, and a broom starts sweeping the floor. Overhead, a depiction of an owl beast of some kind begins to glow with a great screeching noise. Luz looks at all of this in awe]

Eda:
...where I hide away from the pressures of modern life. Also the cops. Mm, also ex‐boyfriends. [chuckles]

Luz:
This place is beautiful! [puts her book onto a coffee table] Do you live here all alone?

[Thudding footsteps shake the house]

Eda:
Actually, I have a roommate.

King:
[deep voice] Who dares intrude upon I, [normal voice] the king of demons? [squeaks a rubber ducky]

Luz:
[gasps] ¡Ay, que lindo! [runs forward and scoops King up in a hug] Eda, he's so cute! Who's a widdle guy? Who's a widdle guy? Is it you? Is it you?

King:
[struggles to free himself] No! I don't know who your little guy is! Eda, who is this monster?

Eda:
[drags Luz away from King] Oh, this is Luz, the human. [puts her down] She's here to help us with our little... situation.

King:
Oh! Hooray!

Luz:
Wait, wait, wait. I don't like the sound of this "situation".

Eda:
Just... let me explain. [draws a spell circle that darkens and effectively turns into a storybook. Narrating:] King was once a mighty king of demons, until his Crown of Power was stolen, and he became... [cut to Luz hugging King again] this.

Luz:
You mean this little bundle of joy?

Eda:
[narrating:]The crown is being held by the evil Warden Wrath and locked away behind a magical force field that only a human can break through.

[The storybook circle fades, return to Luz hugging King]

Eda:
A human like you. If you help us retrieve his crown, we'll send you back to your realm. So whaddya say? Plus, [picks up King by his face and shakes him gently] who could say no to this cute face?

King:
No! Please don't encourage her! [is dropped] Nyeh!

Eda:
I mean, we're kinda your only way home.

Luz:
So I don't really have a choice, do I?

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