The Owl House Page #3

Season #1 Episode #1: A Lying Witch and a Warden

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Eda:
Nope. [picks Luz up and tosses her over her shoulder as she heads for the door] Now, we've got no time to lose.

King:
[picks up his rubber duck] Soon, Mr. Ducky, we shall drink the fear of those who mocked us. [follows Eda]

Luz:
Where are we going?

Eda:
Somewhere super fun.

[Cut to the Conformatorium, where thunder claps]

Eda:
The Conformatorium, a place for those considered unsuitable for society.

Luz:
[notices Eda's wanted poster on the wall they're hiding behind] Whoa. These guys really have the hots for you.

Eda:
Yep. But we were never caught because we're too slippery.

King:
Try to catch me when I'm covered in grease. I'm a squirmy little fella. Aah! [falls off of Luz's head] You and I will sneak up to the top of the tower, where they're holding my crown.

Eda:
And I'm gonna make sure the warden's distracted.

Luz:
[gasps] Will I need a disguise?

Eda:
Uh...

Luz:
I've been waiting to use this. [pulls her hood on, flicks up cat ears] Meow, meow.

King:
It's hideous.

Eda:
Oh, you'll fit right in.

[Eda taps the butt of her staff against the ground, creating a round glowing platform. She steps away from it]

Eda:
Hang on tight.

Luz:
Whoa!

[The platform rises, floating all the way up to a window in the tower. It disappears suddenly, forcing Luz to grab the edge of the window sill and King to cling to her feet]

[Eda, meanwhile, tosses her staff and casually sits down on it as it rises]

Eda:
Meet you guys at the top of the tower.

King:
[grunting as he climbs up Luz and into the window]

Luz:
[also grunting as she pulls herself up and in, falling on her face]

King:
Ha‐ha! Cat's don't do that.

Luz:
[sits up and gasps]

[The two of them marvel at the amount of prison cells before them, all of them occupied by shadowy beasts of varying shapes and sizes, though all of their eyes glow in the light]

Katya:
Hey, cat lady, how'd you get out of your cell?

Luz:
Oh, no, no, no. I'm not a cat. [pulls her hood down] Also, I'm not a criminal.

King:
Not yet, you're not.

Katya:
Neither are we. The stupid warden likes to lock people up who don't fit in. Like, I write fanfics of food falling in love. [pulls out a book of said fanfiction] I like food, I like love... Just let me write about it.

Eye-Eating Prisoner: I'm here because I like eating my own eyes. [plucks an eye out of his head as he says this, swallowing it. The eye floats back into place]

Tiny Nose:
We are agents of fwee expwession! They will never siwence us!

Katya:
Yeah, she's really big into conspiracy theories.

Tiny Nose:
The world is a simulation! We are but playthings for a higher being!

Luz:
[pacing around] Wait. These aren't crimes. None of you actually did anything wrong. [pulls out Eda's wanted poster] You're all just a bunch of weirdos. Like me.

[Thudding footsteps attract their attention]

Katya:
It's Warden Wrath! Hide!

Luz:
[exclaims and runs into an open cell, pulling the door down as she enters]

[Footsteps continue until a door is pushed open]

Warden Wrath:
I can hear you.

Luz:
[whimpers]

Warden Wrath:
[stomping forward] Just what are you fools whispering about? [looks down at Eda's wanted poster that Luz had dropped] Ah. The Owl Lady. [picks up the poster and crumples it, turning his fist into a hammer and slamming it into the door of Luz's cell] I'll get my hands on her soon enough.

[Warden Wrath looks into the cell, where Luz and King are huddled in the corner]

Tiny Nose:
Fight against the oppwessor! We will wesist! We will conquer! We will never be afwaid of you, you old cweep!

[Warden Wrath walks over to her cell and opens it. She stares at the opening door]

Tiny Nose:
Hooway! I'm fwee! [squeaks]

[Warden Wrath grabs Tiny Nose, his fist fitting around her entire body. He holds her up and points at the other two prisoners]

Warden Wrath:
Let this be a lesson to all of you. There's no place in society for you if you can't fit in.

[He tightens his grip, making Tiny Nose squeak again. Warden Wrath stomps away, crushing the crumpled up wanted poster on his way out. A door slams, and Luz opens her cell, running to that of Katya]

Luz:
Don't worry. I can get you out. [pulls on the lever, but can't lift it] No! My weak nerd arms!

Katya:
Just get out of here while you still can, kid. Enjoy freedom for us.

[Katya walks deeper in her cell. Luz reluctantly walks away. Cut to a hallway, where Eda flies up to Luz]

Eda:
Hey, I just checked. [hops off her staff] The warden is distracted, tormenting some tiny creature. He won't be coming around here anytime soon.

[Luz continues walking without saying anything. Eda watches her, confused. They reach a towering door reading "CONTRABAND"]

King:
My crown! It's close! I can sense its power! [runs up to the door and fiddles with the doorknob that's as big as he is]

Eda:
Aw, he gets so cute when he's thirsty for power.

Luz:
It's not fair that they're all in here. They just want to be themselves. Why does everyone think that being a weirdo is so bad?

King:
[grunts]

[The doorknob is thrown to the ground with a clink. King pushes open the door, cackling, and runs through]

Eda:
Come on, before he hurts himself.

[Something zaps]

King:
Ow!

[Luz and Eda follow King in. Cut to the inside of the room, which is empty save a giant glowing pillar in the center. King rubs his skull before charging at the pillar headfirst, succeeding only in launching himself backwards]

Eda:
We have a human, remember?

King:
Oh, yeah.

Luz:
[takes a breath]

[Luz puts a hand against the pillar before walking through it. Inside are piles of what can only be described as as junk: everything from books to skulls to a dead fish in a tank. Atop the central one is a glowing crown]

Luz:
Wait a second. Is that a...

[Cuts to Luz holding a Burger Queen paper crown, looking incredibly frustrated]

King:
My crown! [jumps in place before taking the crown from Luz and placing it on his head] Yes. Yes! I can feel my powers returning! You, there. Nightmare critter. [points to a stuffed rabbit with one button eye falling out of a box] I shall call you Francois, and you shall be a minion in my army of darkness. Ha‐ha! [picks up the rabbit]

Luz:
That crown doesn't give him any powers, does it?

Eda:
Uh, no.

[Luz glares at Eda]

Eda:
Oh, look at us, Luz. King and I don't have much in this world. We only have each other. So if that dumb crown is important to him, it's important to me. And besides, us weirdos have to stick together, you know?

Luz:
[grins and blushes]

Eda:
Well, we owe you one. Now, let's get out of here before the warden finds us and loses his head.

Warden Wrath:
Too late.

[Warden Wrath's hand turns into a blade, and with an easy swing he decapitates Eda. Luz catches her head]

Luz:
[screams]

Eda:
[sticking her tongue out like a bad fake corpse] Ow! Oh, I hate it when that happens.

Luz:
[screams louder and longer]

[Cut to commercial]

Luz:
Eda! Are you okay?

Eda:
Yeah. This just happens when you get older.

Luz:
Does it?

Warden Wrath:
Finally, [transforms his hand back into a hand] I have you cornered, Eda the Owl Lady. [takes King's crown]

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