The Owl House Page #4

Season #1 Episode #9: Something Ventured, Someone Framed

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Luz:
[screams]

[They land on an eye and bounce, both grunting when they hit the ground. They stand and pull down the pod Mattholomule's in.]

Voice:
You will be a good student.

Mattholomule:
I will be a good student.

Luz:
[tries to bite the pod] You know, it didn't taste as bad as I thought it would. Oh, you're a witch. Do magic.

Gus:
Oh, I'll use magic. [pulls out the paper clip and bends it] Human magic. [grunts]

[He cuts the pod and pulls it to the ground, freeing Mattholomule.]

Mattholomule:
Am I a good student?

Luz:
[strains, tosses Mattholomule over her shoulder] Oh, gosh. He's so little.

[Several snakes hiss as they surround the three of them.]

Luz:
This is part of the plan, right?

Gus:
Or the illusion of a plan.

[He draws a spell circle, then puts his hand in it and drags it through the air. Several other spell circles appear, and from them several clones of Luz and Gus. A snake flicks its tongue at one illusion of Gus, making it disappear. It hisses.]

Luz:
A genius and a wordsmith.

[Gus picks up a giant bone and the two climb out of the hole. Snakes hiss as the follow. Gus reaches the top first, taking Mattholomule from Luz. Luz kicks a snake in the face when she pulls herself up, then spins and kicks another. Gus hits a third with the bone, then runs.]

Gus:
We're gonna have to bust down the door.

Luz:
Right behind you. [picks up Mattholomule and follows him]

[Three snakes follow them out of the hole, hissing. Luz takes hold of the bone, and they both run for the door.]

Luz & Gus:
[screaming]

Snakes:
[hissing]

Luz & Gus:
[screaming]

[Cut to outside of detention, where Willow is sneaking to the door. She strains to lift the crossbar off the door, managing to get it half off before freezing when she hears Eda.]

Eda:
I washed off all the graffiti. Apologized to Jenkinmeyer for stealing her teeth. Caught all the wild cerebi. Ah, we should be good.

Principal Bump:
[shakes Eda's hand] It will be very exciting to have a real human exchange student.

Eda:
And you won't tell the Emperor's Coven about this, will you?

Principal Bump:
No. Hexside School is safe for you both. I'm the principal, not a stooge. Consider your pupil our pupil.

[Banging interrupts them. Willow backs away from the door as it's hit again from the inside. A third hit shatters the door, and Gus and Luz burst through.]

Luz & Gus:
[panting]

Luz:
Eda?

Eda:
Guess who got you into Hexside!

Luz:
What?

Snakes:
[hissing]

Luz:
[screams]

Principal Bump:
[snaps]

Snake:
[freezes] Uh, sorry, Principal Bump. Sir. [retreats]

Prinicpal Bump:
[to Luz] What did you do?

Eda:
[facepalms] Ugh, kid.

Principal Bump:
[to Eda] To think that any student of yours would be capable of doing anything but create chaos... Eda, take your student and leave! You are both banned from this campus!

Eda:
[grunts] Come on, kid. Let's go.

[Eda and Luz start to leave.]

Gus:
Wait, Principal Bump. Don't blame Luz. I told her the ban was lifted. We were fighting over the Human Appreciation Society. I brought Luz in because I wanted to win. This is all my fault.

Principal Bump:
If that's so, Augustus, would you be willing to accept her punishment as your own?

Gus:
Yes, Principal Bump. I would.

Eda:
Huh. Dang, dweebus.

Principal Bump:
Very well. [to Luz] In light of that, barring any more trouble, you shall officially be enrolled in Hexside School next semester.

Luz:
[gasps]

Eda:
Uh, hold on. Hold on.

[She puts her hands on Luz's shoulders, then glares at Principal Bump and gestures for him to step back. He takes exactly two steps back. Eda kneels down in front of Luz.]

Eda:
I'm only doing this because I have faith in you. And I know you're too smart to fall for that One‐Witch, One‐Coven nonsense. You can learn a lot from the witches here. [looks over her shoulder and smirks] And maybe teach them some of that Bad Girl Coven magic too.

Principal Bump:
I didn't hear that. [to Gus] As for you, I would be saying detention right now but that seems to be out of order. So, as of now, I'm removing you from the Human Appreciation Society. [takes Gus's crown]

Mattholomule:
Does that make me president?

Principal Bump:
Impressive. Still alive. Yes, I suppose you are. [throws the crown on Mattholomule's head]

Mattholomule:
[weakly] Yes!

Principal Bump:
Now, with that accomplished, Eda, we have some paperwork to fill out.

Eda:
Wait! I gotta do more stuff? Ugh! [to Luz] You better enjoy this place, kid.

[Luz grins and looks at her friends.]

Gus:
Wanna finish off that tour?

Willow:
I can show you guys what plants not to touch in the greenhouse. And then I can let you touch them.

Luz:
Yeah! Let's go.

[The three join hands and laugh as they run off.]

Mattholomule:
Hey! Wait. Take me. I'm your president. Oh. Come on.

[Cut to Eda's permanent record. Pages are flipped through as a song plays.]

Song:
♪ Why can't you remember ♪ ♪ Why can't you remember me? ♪ ♪ Oh, no, no, no ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪ ♪ Why can't you remember ♪ ♪ Why can't you remember me? ♪ ♪ Oh, no ♪ ♪ Ooh‐oh‐ooh‐oh‐ooh Ooh, yeah ♪

[Eda's permanent record includes letting loose a pack of feral ghosts in the girls' locker room, starting an abomination food fight at lunch, hexing the school bells to play pop songs, letting in "two giant bug-things" that destroyed classrooms, and feeding the school griffin spicy snacks until it threw up over the Grudgby field.]

[Cut to the Owl House living room, where Luz and Eda are going through Eda's record.]

Luz:
[to Eda] Wow! Bump was not exaggerating. You were a terrible student.

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