The Paleface Page #2

Painless, there's something

about you that appeals to me.

Wake up, stupid.

I'm proposing to you.

I'm in love with you.

I said,

I'm in love with you.

And I want to marry you.

Come on.

What's goin' on? Why,

sure, I'll marry you, dear.

Huh?

I knew the moment your lips touched

mine that we were meant for each other.

Oh, you did?

Let me hear you say it again.

Tell me you'll marry me.

Me?

Tell me you'll marry me.

The way you kiss,

how can I refuse?

I now pronounce you

man and wife.

The ring, please.

The wedding ring is a token of the

solemn vows you have just taken.

This ring is a symbol of your

affection, sincerity and fidelity.

Ah! At last. And now, the kiss.

Not me, you fool!

Her!

Well, howdy, folks. Welcome.

Uh, what's your handle?

Mr. And Mrs. Painless

Peter Potter. I'm Mr.

Glad to have you with us. Yeah,

just make yourselves to home, folks.

Oh, thank you.

I'll unhitch the horses

and then we can... talk?

Well, I'll unhitch

the horses.

Come on, lets play

hide-and-seek.

Hey,Jimmy, where are ya?

Here I am!

Look!

What are you tryin' to do?

Blow yourself up-

Shut up! Go on, you kids.

Get outta here.

I told you to keep that canvas

lashed down tight.

Good thing

he didn't see it.

Uh-huh. Just as I thought. That

wisdom tooth has gotta come out.

He don't look like

no federal agent to me.

But that's the wagon that left

town right after the killin'.

I can see you 10:30,

Tuesday.

Painless.

That's my wife.

A filly to you.

From now on, I probably won't

have a minute to myself. Painless.

Yes? Oh, what are you doing to

that poor girl, you glorious beast?

Yes, darling. Would you loosen

my stays a little, honey?

Well, it's not my regular work, but I

- Here, maybe I can work it out better this way.

Now you can't do it like

that! Well, it was an idea.

Say, they're rugged, aren't

they? Made of whalebone.

Just call me

Moby Dick.

Hey, you know,

it's a funny thing.

We've been married two hours and this

is the closest I've gotten to you.

Well, you're so strong, silent

and unapproachable. You wanna bet?

Tell me something about

yourself. You seem so mysterious.

All I know is that you

came from Washington, D.C.

I'm sure there are a lot

of things you haven't told me.

I'll unload a little information at a time.

That's the way to keep a girl interested.

Who tied these for ya,

a sailor?

And another thing, you never told me why

you left Fort Deerfield in such a hurry.

Well, I had a little trouble,

but it's all cleared up now.

There. Hey, why worry about my

past? Let's work out our future.

That's our man,

all right.

Going west in a covered wagon.

That's my kind of life.

Blazing new frontiers, facing

danger, privation and death.

Is that my kind of life?

Now, remember, Painless,

you promised to love, honor and protect

me. Let's do it in the order named.

All right, get movin', folks.

We'll get a good early start.

The sooner we get past that Indian

country, the better. Indian country?

Do we have to go that way?

Now, Painless, I'll be with you.

You're not afraid, are you? No.

I can always get

another scalp.

Let's go.

Yeah.

All right, folks,

let's get goin'!

Ya-hoo!

Ya-hoo!

My husband!

We'll take this trail to

the right. Yeah, we better.

That one leads deep into

Indian country. Let's get goin'.

We got a long haul

before night. All right.

# A western ranch

is just a branch #

# Of nowhere junction

to me #

# Gimme the city where

living's pretty #

# And the gals

wear finery #

# East is east

and west is west #

# And the wrong one

I have chose #

# Let's go where

you keep on wearin' #

# Those frills and flowers

and buttons and bows #

# Rings and things

and buttons and bows #

# Don't bury me

in this prairie #

# Take me where

the cement grows #

# Let's move down

to some big town #

# Where they love a gal

by the cut of her clothes #

# And you'll stand out

in buttons and bows #

# I love you in buckskin #

# Or skirts

that you've homespun #

# But I love you longer stronger

where your friends don't tote a gun #

# My bones denounce

the buckboard bounce #

# And the cactus

hurts my toes #

# Let's vamoose

where gals keep usin'#

# Those silks and satins

and linen that shows #

# And you're all mine

in buttons and bows #

# Gimme eastern trimmin'

where women are women #

# In high silk hose

and peekaboo clothes #

# And French perfume

that rocks the room #

# And you're all mine in #

# Bows #

# Buttons and bows #

Shh. Can't you see

she's sleeping?

Come on! Come on, you're

laggin' way behind.

Come on. First chance I get, I'm

tradin' you in for a pair of turtles.

Giddap, Stanislaus.

Come on, Clifton.

All you had to do was follow

the wagon in front of you.

I think were going in the wrong

direction. Maybe this is a shortcut.

Maybe we're way ahead

of them. Oh, shut up.

Yes, ma'am.

I guess we can stay in this house for the

night. We'll get our bearings in the morning.

Night? Morning?

Yes, ma'am.

We're bedding down here for the

night. Take 'em back to the corral.

Hurry. Quickly. Bring

your own blankets. Come on.

Come on, gramps.

We'll help you.

Look what I found, Ma.

Oh Jimmy, keep your hands off of

things. Come on, hurry up, get in.

Is it all right in there?

Pretty good. Come on.

You kids make up

your own beds now.

All right, it's the best

we can do.

Gee, it's dark in here.

I'm scared.

Put that down, Johnny.

Must be the maid's day off.

Mm-hmm.

Looks like a likely

spot. Hey, kraut face.

Ladies first,

then me.

Well, this looks like it.

Alley-oop.

Just think, some day there'll be a sign on

that door, "Painless Potter slept here. "

Well, don't put it up yet.

No, I got my hands full now.

Tomorrow night,

you carry me.

Isn't the moonlight Romantic?

Yeah. Light the candle.

Candle light's

Romantic too.

We don't want

any dust to blow in.

Painless.

Yes?

Would you get me

a drink of cold water, please?

Water? Cold?

Cold water.

Well, that adds up.

All right. If I'm not back in three

minutes, you'll know I fell in the well.

Excuse me.

Thank you.

It's your husband,

darling.

Yoo-hoo.

I'm back, honey.

I got your cold water.

My, your blushing right down to

your little tootsies, aren't ya?

Here you are, cuddles.

There you are.

I'm sorry.

My, but you're

an odd girl.

Gee, I'm glad I picked a wife

with a sense of humor.

Uh, is everything

all right?

My, but you're a muscular

little thing, aren't you?

Those dresses

are awfully deceiving.

Smooth, smooth.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to tickle you.

Isn't that sweet? You put

your hair up in braids.

Aw, that's nice.

Come on out, Mrs. Potter.

I know, you're modest. But it's

all right. I'll keep my eyes closed.

Come on, doll.

Ahh.

Now come close to me, wifey.

Come close to me.

Boy, can you kiss!

Wake up.

Oh, good morning, honey.

You got up early.

Start moving. We gotta

get out of here. Yeah?

Say,

I don't know what happened last

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes