The Paleface Page #3

night, but thanks for a lovely evening.

Well, you're sure

easy to please.

Boy, I can't get over

your kisses.

Hoo-hoo!

I think I married

a mental case.

Must be a Virginia creeper.

I gotta make myself pretty.

I owe it to the little woman.

Ha!

I'm shavin' too close.

Boy, I'm certainly

a nervous wreck.

It's an arrow.

Someone had to shoot it.

Who shoots arrows? Cupid?

No, it couldn't be Cupid.

William Tell?

No, that's silly. Couldn't

be William Tell. No apple.

Indians. Yeah.

Indians.

Could be... Indians.

Indians! Oh!

Love,

let me in!

Open up! Open up!

Look, it's me!

Oh! They want to make a

pincushion out of me! Open up!

Pick up those guns and take care

of yourself. You're too young to be a widow.

Take care of myself? Look, there's a

million Indians out here against one coward!

I hope they're loaded.

I wish I was too.

I got him!

I think.

It's a cinch. Ha!

There's a pile for you. Ooh!

We was wrong about that dentist.

He's doin' some mighty fancy shootin'.

Bad bullet.

Let's keep it neat.

Don't- -

They started it.

Say, how come you got lost?

What happened?

I'll tell you what happened.

He saved the whole wagon train!

Yeah, he done it by himself. I never

saw such shootin'. Best shot in the West.

He knowed the Injuns was on your trail, and he

decoyed them away from the rest of the wagon.

I did? Oh, he's right. That's what I

did. I did that. You're a hero, son.

Yeah? You can have my rifle.

Oh, thanks, Dad. I'll knock

off a couple of Indians for you.

He's got eyes

in the back of his head.

My darling. You never said

anything about being a dead shot.

I told you I'd give you

a little information at a time.

On behalf of the wagon

train, I wanna thank you.

You saved an awful

lot olives.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute! Ladies and

gentlemen, I'd like to say a few words.

Let's get out of here before them

redskins come back. Those are the words.

You lead the way, Doctor. Okay.

Nothin' to be scared of now.

You got the courage of a lion.

Aw, it's nothing. Brave men

run in my family. Hurry up!

- We're off to Buffalo Flats!

- Off to Buffalo Flats! Ya-hoo!

Off to Buffalo Flats!

Ya-hoo!

Off to Buffal- -

Our hero.

# Get a man, get a man

get a man #

# Get a man get a man get a man #

# Get a man get a man get a man #

Oh, Mr. Preston. Come in. Come in.

You come at a most inopportune

time. Boss, we got important news.

I'm sure you have.

Somehow I can always sense when

one of my associates bungles a job.

What have you messed up?

There's a new federal agent

coming in on the wagon train.

Why did you

let him through?

Stranger,

I like you.

And I like you, Red.

Pepper, there's Joe!

Next guy that messes around

my gal gets the same thing!

Wagon train's here!

Eddie, drag

the gentleman out.

What's all the excitement

out in front?

They're giving a welcome

to that guy we told you about.

All right, folks, the biggest hero

that this West has ever seen! Yes, sir.

Hooray!

Please, please, it was nothing.

Anyone could have done it.

Anyone who was strong,

courageous and a dead shot.

Is that our fearless

federal agent?

Don't let his looks fool ya.

He's a cold-blooded murderer.

Calls himself a dentist, Painless

Potter, but that's just a front.

It ain't gonna be easy. He's

got eyes in the back of his head.

But we can put him away. Pepper, do you

think you could learn to love a dentist?

A short romance? I don't

think it'd be too difficult.

I'd like to be

in his shoes.

I wonder what

the cowards are doing.

I'll be out in- -

You and your high heels.

May I please shake your hand?

My little boy wants to touch

you. Oh, no. Easy, girls.

I'm tired. I've been

fighting Indians all day.

But I may give you a moment later.

Don't give up. You're so wonderful.

And keep cheering.

What happened

to the band?

We're proud to have you as our

guest, sir. Very happy to be here.

Mr. And Mrs. Painless Potter

with baggage. Mr. And Mrs. -

Would you like a boy?

Wooo.

Oh, yes, yes.

Boy!

Yes, sir.

Boy? Will you unhitch my horses, feed

'em some hay and have some for yourself?

Thanks. I never touch

the stuff. All right.

Here you are, sir. Thank you. We're

all set. A room with running water.

They got a guy who'll run for it.

Isn't this wonderful? Painless, wait.

You don't want to leave this. I can

wave to them from the window. Come on.

You're just too modest to

understand. You're a legend now.

A hero. A man apart. We've been

apart too long. Come on, honey.

Look outside.

Once that was a forest. Then

it became a trail. Then a town.

And someday, it'll be a city.

That's what I like, progress.

And I'm not makin' any.

Someday, it'll be a city

with a statue of a great man.

And do you know whose statue it'll

be? The guy who invented keys.

Let's use it.

No, no.

It'll be a statue of

Painless Potter. Huh?

And under that statue,

it'll read:
"Painless Potter:

"successor to Wild Bill Hickock

and Buffalo Bill Cody.

"The intrepid hero who saved

an entire wagon train...

by killing

11 Indians. "

Twelve.

So you see, dear, that's why it wouldn't be

fair for me to take you away from these people...

and not give them a chance

to express their gratitude.

Yeah, I guess

- hey, wait a minute. What's this all about?

Well, I might as well come clean,

Painless. Our marriage won't work.

You're a hero now.

I'm just a little nobody.

You belong to the people.

This is the end of the road.

We're through.

Through?

Say, what's goin' on here?

You and I just got together-

You might just as well face it,

Painless. It's over. That's all.

Oh.

Oh, this is great.

I give up my career. I bring

you out here on a wagon train.

Save your life

by killing 13 Indians.

Now you're gonna give me

the kiss off. Oh.

Well, you're not

the only dame.

There are a lot of other fish in the

sea and I'm going out and cast some bait.

Good-bye, Painless. That's all

right. If that's the way you feel.

I promise you one thing. You'll come

crawling back to me on your hands and knees!

Do you think I'll be there? Good-bye.

I'll show her.

A fine hero.

Through.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Uh, how'd you like a little conversation

with a hero? I'd be tickled to death.

Follow me.

You Hank Billings?

That's what the sign says.

I just came in

on the wagon train.

Before I left Fort Deerfield, I saw

a friend of yours, name of Hunter.

Jim Hunter.

Seems a shame a man like Hunter getting

killed just so you can play cagey.

Hot trip

from Fort Deerfield.

Come up

and cool off.

Where'd I put

my tobacco?

Now I know why

they sent a woman.

Yep. You know what

you're gettin' into?

You've landed smack-dab

right in the middle...

of the lowest-down skunk of a scheme

they ever smeared across the West.

Landed

feet first too.

I reckon that's how you're

gonna get carried out of it.

Just skip

the big talk.

All right, gal.

Sit down.

Somebody's runnin' guns

into the Indians.

Enough rifles to massacre every

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