The Paper Page #3

at 8:
00. Nothing shocking.

But I'm telling you, I'm sitting on

Watergate out there on Staten Island...

with the zoning commission thing.

If you guys could just give me

a couple of city-side reporters...

Wait.

How is it possible that you

always have Watergate somewhere?

Listen, I'm... Piss off, Carl!

I mean it this time.

I got a quote from

the commission chairman's ex-wife...

- and she's plenty ready to talk.

- His ex-wife?

His first ex-wife.

There's a reliable source.

Yeah. Foreign.

Terrorists blew up a restaurant in

Paris, killing five. None from New York.

Ferry boat capsized in the Philippines,

drowning 300. None from New York.

There was a violent coup

in Bahrain.

None from New York!

Witnessed... Witnessed

by two people from Long Island.

- Oh, Henry, this might interest you.

- What's that?

The mother whale in the Ukraine

had triplets.

She told me she was on the pill!

Excuse me.

I get any on you?

Thanks for asking, Bernie.

All right. So, page one,

subway sounds like our wood, right?

- We got great art.

- I think it's definite.

I don't think so. I don't think so.

You know, TV's gonna be all over it.

They already are.

It's a minor derailment.

And Carmen has got great day two stuff

on the Williamsburg murders.

If they make a bust,

we have to follow up on that.

The subway's a major story.

- Nobody died.

- Somebody got maimed.

- Yeah, that helps.

- Minor derailment.

All I'm saying is people got maimed,

and we have pictures of it.

Goddam it!

So we f***ed up yesterday!

Why do you want to tuck our tail

between our legs and take it for...

and do what everybody else does?

Let's stand alone.

Let's make up for it.

We're a commuter paper.

People want the subway.

Are you market research all of a sudden?

Not everything is about money.

It is when you almost fold

every six months.

Bullshit.

Come on. You two can slug it out

at the 3:
00. Let's wrap it up early.

All right? Because Henry

has an interview...

at The Sentinel.

The Sentinel?

- Thank you.

- All right!

- Congratulations.

- Excuse us.

At least steal us

a little something.

What do you guys want? Tote bags?

Let me take some orders.

- Phil? Chair?

- That's not funny.

Hello, my name is George Russell.

I'm a reporter at The New York Sentinel.

Hi, I'm supposed to meet Paul Bladden

right about now.

Map.

I've been reading the Sun

these past few weeks.

I find it exciting.

We're thinking of letting our hair down

a little bit around here.

Squeeze in some coverage

of the outer boroughs.

Nothing new for you, of course,

but for us, well, we're The Sentinel.

We cover the world.

Right. So I've heard.

I won't dick around with you.

I talked with Vince last night.

He'll go with my recommendation.

So congratulations.

The job is yours if you want it.

Thank y...

You don't look all that pleased.

No... You know, I'm gonna

have to think about that.

I have to talk to my wife.

You understand.

Yes, of course. But I would like

a decision first thing in the morning.

And don't disappoint me.

I think you're

a serious newspaperman, Henry.

- Thank you.

- No, I mean it.

You guys have got a cute little paper.

Sometimes you really pull one out.

Thanks. It is a cute paper.

You kind of missed the boat on that one

last night, though.

Yeah.

I want to tell you,

before I came over to this job...

I hardly had any

administrative experience at all.

I had very minimal

executive skills.

Excuse me. I'm curious.

For instance...

what would our...

your Metro lead be tomorrow?

- Henry, you don't work here yet.

- You're right.

You're right. Sorry.

As I was saying about this book,

I think it's something that you...

You know what I'd go with?

Subway. Don't you think?

- Would find enjoyable.

- You know, though...

that Williamsburg thing

is pretty interesting.

You guys got anything on that?

You do, don't you?

It's funny.

You can always tell,

one newspaperman to another...

You can just tell there's something.

What have you got?

What do you guys have on that?

Come on.

They make a bust? No,

I'd know if they made a bust.

What are you guys sitting on?

Let's just say that our coverage

will be comprehensive.

Got you. Comprehensive.

I understand.

Anyway, I'd love to borrow it.

- What?

- The book.

Ah! The book.

I've got it right here.

- Nice. Nice, nice.

- Yes, enjoy.

I will.

And hey, thanks, you've...

You've been a big help.

Now, don't overreact.

If we go after it early,

before it metastasizes to a bone...

the majority of these prostate

cancer cases are beatable.

Go after it how?

Irradiation therapy.

That's fantastic.

That's wonderful, because...

as it turns out, that's exactly

the portion of my anatomy...

I'd like to see

exposed to radiation.

You'll have to take an hour or two

off work for each treatment.

We should start right away.

How's next Monday?

To burn a hole in my ass?

Sounds good.

Then I still have the weekend.

Could you possibly be

any more humourless about this?

I don't believe so.

There's growing apprehension

here at Kennedy among arriving tourists.

Sir, can you tell me,

do the possible racial overtones...

of what happened

in Williamsburg...

make you think twice

about visiting New York?

My brother cancelled his trip.

Big scoop from the TV guys.

Pinhead's brother cancels trip.

Come on.

It's hardly Watergate.

Your source is the man's

ex-wife, for God's sake.

You try selling it at a staff meeting.

Just had the sh*t kicked out of it.

Deanne White, please.

Yeah, Bernard White.

Just tell her that it's her father.

Yeah. Thank you.

No, I understand. I understand.

It's just that...

Do you happen to know

if she's free for lunch?

I know it's short notice, but...

Or dinner or whatever?

Well, it was just a shot.

It was just a shot.

You'll tell her that I called?

Thank you very much.

What a stupid f***ing thing to do.

Actually, the first six weeks

is no problem.

The first six weeks

you're so exhausted...

and consumed by incredibly

tedious domestic tasks...

you have no time

to get depressed.

And after that,

you have all the time in the world.

- I have tons of projects.

- You do?

- Like what?

- Like reading, for one.

With a kid?

I had projects... all the things

I wanted to do but never had the time.

You know what my hobby

turned out to be?

Living Bob's life.

I hung on his every word.

I'll only be off the paper

for six months. I'm going back.

That's what I said too,

seven years ago.

Oh, maybe I'm just being a b*tch.

No, you're probably

just having a bad day.

You didn't drive into town,

did you?

I shouldn't be doing this to you.

It's all manageable...

the physical pain,

the loss of adult contact...

less money coming in, feeling worthless

around people who work...

all the crap.

You can't even remember it the first

time you look at your new baby.

But?

But he gets the baby too,

and he didn't have to...

The fact of the matter is...

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