The Parent Trap Page #4

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- Susan Evers?

- Yes.

- Go ahead.

- It's Sharon. How's everything?

Mother's the absolute living end!

She's gorgeous, breathtaking.

I got her talking about her first date.

Italian dinner...

Susan, listen!

And their song goes like this.

For now, for always...

I've got something to tell you...

- Susan!

- What?

You have to bring Mother out here now.

No! I just had one day with her.

I hardly got to know her.

It's an emergency.

There's a woman here and she's beautiful.

Is that all? Dad'll never get serious.

He's serious about this one.

He's trying to get us to be friends.

Well, bust it up.

Follow them and submarine her.

- You've got to get Mother out here.

- I want more time.

You've had her for 13 years! I won't. Do

the best you can and stay on Daddy's tail.

- Susan, please!

- I won't give up Mother this soon. Goodbye.

Susan?

I'm glad you came today. There's something

I want to talk to you about.

- What is it?

- You know the girl you met - Vicky?

I thought we ought to be alone a little

so we could talk.

- I wanted to talk about something too.

- OK. Go ahead.

Those weeks at camp,

I've been wondering about my mother.

Why do you want to wonder

about something like that?

It's perfectly natural for a girl.

Where is she?

I don't know. Maybe she went to Spain

and married some drunk.

Daddy, that's not true.

All right. You wouldn't like her anyway.

Big staring eyes, red frizzy hair

and she was fat, really fat.

Then why did you fall in love with her?

You lose your head sometimes.

Besides, I... Wait a minute.

Fletcher, play on through.

I'll pick you up at the bar.

Sit down.

Honey, you don't want to start

thinking about your mother.

There's no need for that.

You can always talk to me about anything.

It's not the same.

Father and daughter is OK,

but when a girl gets to a certain age,

that's when she misses a mother.

Why? I mean...

- You mean to talk about certain things?

- Yeah.

That?

I guess we never have talked about that.

This is a kind of odd place,

but it's as good as any.

We might as well get it over with.

- How much do you know already?

- About what?

- About what you were talking about.

- Absolutely nothing.

- Nothing?

- Well, you never brought up the subject.

Well, honey... All right. Let's get straight

on one thing first. Little boys.

I know how they are because I used to be

a little boy once, so I know.

- I don't know...

- I used to be a little boy and I know.

- I know about it.

- Daddy, you're too funny for words.

- What do you mean?

- I've known about all that for years.

- What were we just talking about then?

- What were you talking about?

Well, er...

I'd better putt out.

There's the little beast now.

She's nothing but a child.

She's a conniving, vicious, two-faced brat.

Just smile, pet.

Think of California and that wonderful

community property law, and just smile.

- Hi.

- Hello, Mitchell, darling.

- Hi, Edna.

- Who is this ecstatic bright-eyed child?

- It couldn't be...

- Sure. It's Susie.

- This is Vicky's mother.

- How do you do.

- This girl is the one you call Peanut Face?

- Daddy, really!

Come over here to your Auntie Edna

and we can get to know one another.

I want to hear all about you. Down you go.

- Hi.

- Did you tell her?

I started to,

then I don't know what happened.

- Oh, Mitch...

- All right. Let me do it my own way.

It's all settled. Susan and I have decided

we'll all have a jolly lunch here.

Edna, I'm sorry, we can't today.

I promised to spend the whole day

with Susie.

- I'm terribly sorry.

- That's all right. Another time, dear.

- You're an adorable thing!

- We're going to take a ride.

- Have fun.

- Bye, darling.

First change I make, off she goes

to a boarding school in Switzerland.

Honey, I've been meaning to ask you...

what do you think of Vicky?

In what respect?

Well... It's just an ordinary question.

No, it's not.

You asked me what I think of Vicky.

What do I think of Vicky as what?

If you asked me what do I think of her

as a fashion model or a famous aviatrix,

then maybe I can express an opinion,

but just to ask...

All right. What do you think of Vicky

as a person?

Daddy, I really couldn't say.

She's a perfect stranger to me.

- Race you to the house!

- Wait a minute. Susie!

I'm not through talking to you!

Hi, darling.

- Hi.

- Hello, sweetie.

He can't. He just can't.

It makes me so mad.

A man of his age.

All our work and our plans!

Hi.

You used to confide in me.

Anything you want to talk over with me?

No.

Like telling me why Andromeda

never comes near you?

Or why your appetite's changed?

Verbena, you are a mystic.

Mystic? I'm no mystic.

Asking me all these crazy questions.

I don't know what you're getting at.

You know what I'm talking about.

There's something very strange about you.

Are you sure there isn't anything

you want to tell me?

What do you want me to tell you?

I don't know. It's almost as if you were...

- That's impossible.

- Almost as if I were who?

Forget it, honey. Never mind.

You mean Sharon?

Where did you hear about her?

Oh, Verbena.

I've got to tell someone, but you've

got to swear never to tell Daddy. Promise?

- Try to be diplomatic.

- I know how to talk to my daughter.

She's not exactly insensitive.

Susan!

Hi, Dad. Just getting back?

- Just a minute. I want to talk to you.

- Didn't know what a good thing you had.

Susie!

Why did you run off? I want to talk to you.

I'm listening.

- Get comfortable.

- I am comfortable. What do you want?

First of all, about me.

You probably think of me as just your father

and to you I seem ancient and old...

- Not ancient, Daddy.

- Certainly not. I'm in my best years.

- OK. Don't get nervous.

- I'm not nervous.

What seems old to you

isn't really old when you get old...

I mean, when you get to be my age

it won't seem old to you at all and you'll...

Where did you learn how to play the piano?

- Oh... They taught us at camp.

- That's awfully good in five weeks...

Could you stop now?

- Sure.

- Pay attention.

I've been wanting

to have this little talk about...

What would you think

about our making Vicky part of our family?

- Part of our family?

- Uh-huh.

- I think that's a wonderful idea.

- You do?

I certainly do.

I've always wanted to have a sister.

- No, honey. You're missing the point.

- How sweet of you to want to adopt her.

No, baby. I don't want to adopt her.

I want to marry her.

Marry her? Oh, Dad!

You've just got to be kidding!

You can't marry her. She's just a child.

- She's a woman! Stop calling her a child.

- It's all relative. Don't you see?

- Compared to her, you're an old man.

- I am not!

You are too! It's the most revolting thing

I've ever heard!

I won't discuss it unless you stop shouting.

- But Dad!

- Stop it.

All right. I'm not screaming.

I will talk about this

perfectly calmly and rationally.

You can't get married!

You'll ruin everything! All our plans!

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