The Party Page #4

Come on there!

Oh, you naughty boy.

Now, here, put this on.

Put these on.

Wait!

Come on now.

Can you handle it?

- I have to go downstairs.

- All right. I'll handle it.

Partner, why do you want...

Little sidekick,

put these dry clothes on.

All right, I will put them on.

And then I'll...

Good idea.

I gotta get downstairs...

before Conchita cools off.

You come downstairs

with wet clothes on...

I'm gonna stomp you

and the horse you ride in on.

You got that?

Tongue buddy, partner buddy.

I'll see ya, little buddy.

Oh, you got me right

in the pantaloons, partner.

Adios!

Hold on, Conchita!

I'm comin'!

Adios, partner.

I do like these Americans.

They really are...

Hello.

Hello.

You're having some difficulty?

You sure?

Well. Excuse me.

You know that I don't think...

you're being

entirely honest with me?

We have a saying in India.

Well?

Well, what?

You were saying

something about a saying.

What is it?

"Wisdom...

"is the province of the aged...

"but the heart of a child

is pure."

That's very pretty.

I'm not sure I know

what it means.

Neither do I.

What does it have

to do with me?

Well, it has everything

to do with you.

For one thing, you see,

it stopped you crying.

It's true.

I feel better.

Thank you very much.

Don't thank me.

Thank my saying.

Thank you, saying.

Do you want to hear

another one of my sayings?

This is

a particularly good one...

because it will help you

always to remember...

how many days there are

in each month.

It goes like this:

"Thirty days hath September...

"October, June, and February.

"All the rest got twenty-nine...

"except my brother

who got six months."

Just what I thought.

I've been looking

all over for ya.

Go get your clothes,

we're gonna leave.

Oh, I don't think so.

Look, you came with me,

you're gonna leave with me.

Now get your clothes.

No.

Don't say no to me.

Now get your stuff.

- Go on!

- Mr. Divot, please...

Look, will you stay

out of this, buddy.

If Miss Monet wishes to remain,

that is her right.

Just who do you think you are?

In India, we don't

think who we are...

we know who we are.

You're meshugah!

I am not your sugar.

OK, look, baby, you decide.

You wanna come with me,

or you wanna stay with this guy?

I want to stay.

You're gonna stay with him, huh?

Nobody ever does this to me!

You hear that?

And forget about

that test tomorrow, baby.

You're finished in this business

before you even start!

You're wiped out!

You're finished!

That was a short career,

wasn't it?

Oh, don't worry about that.

I better find something

to put on and call a cab.

No, don't call a cab.

Stay at the party and after...

I'll take you home

in my three-wheeler Morgan.

No, that would be nice,

but I can't stay.

Why not?

I got myself into

a funny situation.

What, with old Divot?

Is that why you were crying?

Yes, but it's

not really his fault.

He's a terrible man.

Please, stay at the party.

Let's have a wonderful time.

I'd love to, really,

but I have nothing to wear.

That's no problem. They have

millions of clothes here.

And anyway... l've got an idea.

Who goes there?

Mr. Bakshi

and a damsel in distress.

What do you want?

You look like

a man of the world.

This poor lady is urgently

in need of some dry clothing.

And I perceive that you are both

approximately the same size.

Marvelous! Just marvelous!

Everyone, let's have a toast

for our wonderful friends.

Fred, we need to move the bar.

Oh, I know how to do that.

I'll do that for you.

Oh, no, I'd rather do it myself.

Fred, stop him.

Come on, it's fine.

Molly, are you sure

it's all right?

Yes, will you please come?

It's fine!

But your mother's

having a party.

Can you think of a better time

to shake 'em up?

You've done some pretty stupid

things in your life, but this...

Wow! What a house!

Hi.

- Hello, Mom.

- Oh, darling!

I thought you were

out protesting.

No, it's a love-in. I wanted you

to meet some of my friends.

I can't now, darling.

I've got all these wet Russians.

But I'll come back,

and I'll meet your friends.

Oh, there they are over there.

General, your wife

just fell in the pool.

Get her jewelry.

Molly, what was that?

An elephant.

An elephant?! Oh, my God!

Molly, how could you do this?

This is perfectly dreadful!

Well, I didn't mean

to offend you.

Now, listen here, young lady...

you get that elephant

out of this house!

Yes. Oh, Mother!

- Hello.

- Hello.

How are you?

I'm all right.

Is this your elephant?

Yeah. This is Jongo.

You've done a proper old

paint job on this, haven't you?

What's wrong with it?

You should be ashamed

of yourself.

- Why?

- This is a symbol of my country.

Don't you paint them in India?

Yes, but we don't

paint slogans all over them.

Look, he has got "the world

is flat" on his forehead...

"Socrates eats hemlock"

on the side...

and "go naked" all over his bum.

I'm terribly sorry.

We didn't mean

to be disrespectful.

I know, but it's humiliating.

They know, you know.

I mean, how would you

like it if an Indian person...

such as myself

came along and drew...

a mustache and a beard

on your Lady Bird.

It's the same thing, isn't it?

I'm awfully sorry.

What do you suggest we do?

- Get some water and wash it off.

- Wash it?

Wash it, scrub it, get it off.

Hey, gang!

We're gonna wash the elephant.

What do you mean

wash the elephant?

All right! That's it! Get out!

Wash it off!

Get it all off!

Bakshi!

I knew I knew that guy!

I knew it!

Hello?

Buggercult... l...

I wanna talk to the General.

This is C.S. Divot.

No! You cannot...

What's going on there?

Paint on the ear.

Do you believe that child of

mine bringing home an elephant?

- Dirty.

- Oh, really!

All right, that got it!

That's enough.

We take him outside now.

And wash all the soap off.

Oh, what do you suppose

that awful racket is?

- I'll be right back.

- Darling, I'm not finished.

I've got to see. God only knows

what's happening now.

Mom, what are you doing?

You and me gotta find

someplace to be alone.

Wells, save the paintings!

Oh, Mom, are you all right?

Get the paintings!

Don't stand there!

I should never, ever

in all my life...

Not that one, you idiot!

Just the good stuff.

Put it back.

We gotta get this

stuff out of here.

- Turn on the air conditioner.

- I'll never make it.

There's a control

in the master bedroom.

- Go get it on.

- Yes, sir.

Just a minute, sir.

Hey, look, I'm C.S. Divot,

the producer.

I'm a friend

of Mr. Clutterbuck's.

I gotta tell him something

right away.

Divot, C.S.?

That's right, buddy.

Thanks. Divot.

Hey, what's with

the ambulance here?

Honey, let's go stroll

in the straw, huh?

You're a little late, mac.

What the hell is

going on around here?

Do you believe it?

The party isn't over!

Hey, General!

I don't even know how

the hell it got started.

We gotta put something

in our report.

General, I gotta

tell you something.

It was crazy. You should've...

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