The Phantom Tollbooth Page #6

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IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S READY

TO CONDUCT TODAY'S SUNSET.

WATCH.

THAT WAS A VERY:

BEAUTIFUL SUNSET, SIR.

WHY, THANK YOU, SON.

I'VE ONLY BEEN

PRACTICING:

SINCE THE WORLD:

BEGAN.

SOMETIME I'LL GET I JUST RIGHT.

I THOUGH IT WAS PERFECT.

YOU OUGHT TO SEE

MY LIGHTNING:

AND FIREWORKS.

[YAWNS]

WELL, GOOD NIGHT,

MY BOY.

DON'T FORGE TO WAKE ME AT 5:23

FOR THE SUNRISE.

OH, I REALLY, REALLY

MUST GET SOME SLEEP.

MILO. MILO. COME ON.

WE'RE WASTING TIME.

I CAN'T.

I HAVE TO WAKE CHROMA

FOR THE SUNRISE.

WHY DON'T YOU

CONDUCT THE SUNRISE

YOURSELF, MILO?

SAVE US A LOT OF TIME,

AND YOU WON'T HAVE TO

DISTURB CHROMA AT ALL.

HEY, THAT'S

A GREAT IDEA.

I'LL DO IT.

WHY, YOU FOOL!

WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM

TO DO THAT FOR?

DO YOU KNOW WHA TROUBLE HE CAN--

[TAPPING]

NO, MILO. NO.

OH, NO.

COME ON. COME ON.

WE HAVE TO:

GET OUT OF HERE:

BEFORE CHROMA:

WAKES UP.

NOW THERE'S

NO SENSE ANYPLACE,

AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT.

NAMES. I MUS HAVE YOUR NAMES

BEFORE YOU CAN:

PROCEED.

UH, THIS IS

THE HUMBUG.

THIS IS TOCK,

AND MY NAME:

IS MILO.

NOW CAN WE GO?

OH, I HAVEN'T HAD

AN "M" IN AGES.

NOW THEN,

IF YOU'LL JUST TELL ME

WHEN YOU WERE BORN,

WHERE YOU WERE BORN,

WHY YOU WERE BORN,

HOW OLD YOU ARE,

HOW OLD YOU WERE THEN,

WHAT GRADE YOU'RE IN.

YOUR SHOE SIZE, SHIRT SIZE,

COLLAR SIZE, HAT SIZE,

AND THE NAMES:

AND BANK REFERENCES

OF SIX PEOPLE WHO CAN

VERIFY THIS INFORMATION.

THEN YOU CAN GO.

WHAT DO YOU NEED

ALL THIS FOR?

WE'RE IN A HURRY.

I'M THE OFFICIAL

SENSES TAKER.

I MUST HAVE:

THIS INFORMATION

BEFORE I TAKE:

YOUR SENSES.

SO, NOW, IF YOU WILL FILL OU IN TRIPLICATE

YOUR HEIGHT, YOUR WEIGHT,

HOW MANY ICE-CREAM CONES

YOU EAT IN A WEEK.

HOW MANY YOU DON' EAT IN A WEEK.

WE CAN'T WASTE THE TIME.

WE'VE GOT TO GET TO

THE CASTLE IN THE AIR.

[THUNDER]

THAT DOES IT!

NOW I'M GOING TO TAKE

YOUR SENSE OF DUTY,

YOUR SENSE OF PROPORTION,

AND ESPECIALLY:

YOUR SENSE OF DIRECTION!

MILO, THE BOTTLE

OF LAUGHTER.

USE THIS BOTTLE OF LAUGHTER

I GOT FROM DR. DISCHORD.

HE CAN'T TAKE AWAY

OUR SENSE OF HUMOR.

[LAUGHING]

STOP THAT!

HEE HEE HEE!

STOP THAT!

STOP THAT AT...

AT ONCE.

STOP.

STOP.

HELLO, LITTLE BOY.

HUH?

WELCOME TO YOU,

YOUR FAITHFUL DOG,

AND THAT HANDSOME

GENTLEMAN.

I'M SO TERRIBLY HAPPY

TO SEE ALL OF YOU,

BUT BEFORE YOU TRAVEL ON,

I WONDER IF YOU COULD

SPARE ME A LITTLE TIME

TO ASSIST ME WITH

A FEW TRIVIAL TASKS.

WHY, OF COURSE.

WE'RE IN NO HURRY.

DON'T DO IT, MILO.

BUT, TOCK, WE NEED ALL

THE FRIENDS WE CAN GET UP HERE.

BESIDES, IT'S ONLY

FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

NOW, YOUNG MAN,

IF YOU'LL JUST TAKE

THOSE EXQUISITE TWEEZERS

AND MOVE:

THIS PILE OF SAND

FROM HERE TO HERE.

WITH THESE?

OF COURSE.

AND YOU, SIR,

HAVE THE PRIVILEGE

OF TAKING:

THIS DELICATE NEEDLE

AND DIGGING A HOLE

THROUGH THIS CLIFF.

WHY, THANK YOU, SIR.

AN EXACTING:

ASSIGNMENT,

QUITE WORTHY OF MY TALENTS.

I SHALL ENJOY IT NO END.

DON'T BE A FOOL, BUG.

I THINK THIS BIRD

IS THE TERRIBLE--

AND YOU, SIR GET TO TAKE

THIS EYEDROPPER:

AND EMPTY THAT WELL.

BUT THESE TASKS DON' SEEM VERY IMPORTANT.

OF COURSE:

THEY'RE NOT IMPORTANT.

IF YOU'LL ALWAYS DO THE

EASY AND USELESS JOBS,

YOU'LL

NEVER HAVE TO WORRY

ABOU THE IMPORTANT ONES.

RIGHT.

NOW I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

YOU'RE THE TERRIBLE TRIVIUM.

QUITE CORRECT.

THE TERRIBLE TRIVIUM--

DEMON OF PETTY TASKS

AND WORTHLESS JOBS,

OGRE OF WASTED EFFORT.

COME ON, HUMBUG.

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

AND FRIEND TO LAZY

AND FOOLISH PEOPLE EVERYWHERE.

[BARKING]

RUN, MILO! RUN!

COME BACK.

COME BACK.

THERE ARE SO MANY

THINGS TO TAKE AWAY

AND THINGS:

TO BRING BACK.

SO MANY STAMPS TO LICK,

SO MANY PENCILS:

TO SHARPEN.

THERE ARE SO MANY

HOLES TO DIG.

SO MANY NAILS:

TO STRAIGHTEN.

SO MANY DOODLES:

TO DOODLE.

SO MANY GOOFS:

TO OFF.

COME BACK.

THERE ARE SO MANY

USELESS THINGS YET TO DO.

THERE ARE STRINGS

TO TIE,

NITS TO PICK,

FINGERNAILS TO BITE,

PAPER CLIPS TO UNBEND--

[GASP]

LIVES TO SAVE!

RUN. RUN. HE'S

STILL AFTER YOU.

THIS WAY.

THIS WAY. HURRY!

I'M YOUR FRIEND.

UP HERE, QUICKLY.

I'LL HELP YOU.

GOOD. GOOD.

STRAIGHT AHEAD.

HURRY!

YOU'RE DOING GREAT.

YEOW!

[THUD]

WHA HA HA HA!

I TRAPPED YOU, DIDN'T I?

I'M THE LONG-NOSED,

GREEN-EYED, CURLY-HAIRED,

WIDE-MOUTHED, BOWLEGGED,

BIG-FOOTED MONSTER,

AND IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF.

I'M ONE OF THE MOS DREADED FIENDS

IN THE WHOLE WIDE

WILDERNESS!

HA HA HA HA!

IT SOUNDS LIKE:

WE'RE DOOMED.

SOUNDS IS RIGHT.

IF THERE'S ONE THING

I'VE LEARNED AROUND HERE,

IT'S THAT PEOPLE AREN' ALWAYS WHAT THEY SAY THEY ARE.

WITH AWFUL, HIDEOUS ME HERE,

YOU WOULDN'T DARE

TRY TO ESCAPE.

WHA HA HA HA!

WHY, I'LL TEAR ANYONE APAR THAT TRIES TO

GET OUT OF THERE!

FOR I'M THE LONG-NOSED,

GREEN-EYED, CURLY-HAIRED,

WIDE-MOUTHED, THICK-NECKED,

BROAD-SHOULDERED,

ROUND-BODIED,

SHORT-ARMED, BOWLEGGED,

BIG-FOOTED MONSTER!

ONE FALSE MOVE:

AND I'LL...

I'LL--I'LL CHEW UP

THE LOT OF YOU.

I'LL--I'LL RIP YOU TO RIBBONS.

[WHISTLING]

I'LL SHRED YOU TO...

TO HAMBURGER.

I'LL...I'LL...

ACTUALLY, I'M THE DEMON

OF INSINCERITY.

I DON'T MEAN WHAT I SAY.

I DON'T MEAN WHAT I DO.

I'M JUST MEAN,

I GUESS.

NOW YOU HAVE TO:

GO AND SPOIL EVERYTHING.

[SOBBING]

IF HE'S TYPICAL

OF THE MONSTERS:

AROUND HERE,

WE HAVE NOTHING:

TO WORRY ABOUT.

IT'S THE GELATINOUS

GIANT.

AND WHA HAVE WE HERE?

AHA! I SEE.

BREAKFAST.

[MILO]

WAIT. I HAVE A BETTER IDEA.

AN IDEA? [GROANS]

IF THERE'S ONE THING

I CAN'T SWALLOW,

IT'S AN IDEA.

WELL, IT JUST SO HAPPENS

THAT I HAVE A BAGFUL

OF ALL THE IDEAS

IN THE WORLD RIGHT HERE.

NO. NO, NO, NO.

DON'T OPEN IT.

LEAVE WELL ENOUGH

ALONE.

DON'T TAKE CHANCES.

KEEP THINGS:

AS THEY ARE.

CHANGES ARE:

SO FRIGHTENING.

NO...NEW...

IDEAS...

TOCK, HUMBUG, LOOK!

THE CASTLE:

IN THE AIR!

AT LAS WE'VE MADE IT!

OH, VICTORY!

AH HA HA!

VICTORY AT LAST!

WE'VE DONE IT!

PERSEVERANCE:

PREVAILS.

NO PROBLEMS.

CLEAR SAILING.

[GULP]

THE DEMONS OF IGNORANCE.

DOWN WITH THE ENEMIES

OF IGNORANCE!

THERE THEY ARE!

GET 'EM!

THERE'S THE HORRIBLE

HOPPING HINDSIGH AND THE GORGONS

OF HATE AND MALICE.

THERE'S

THE THREADBARE EXCUSE.

WH-WH-WHAT ARE WE

GOING TO DO NOW?

DO? WHY, WE'RE GOING TO

MAKE A STAND RIGHT HERE.

I THINK JUMPING:

MIGHT BE SAFER.

KING AZAZ:

AND THE MATHEMAGICIAN

SAID THERE'S NOTHING

I CAN'T DO

IF I USE:

WORDS AND NUMBERS RIGHT.

AND I HAVE A HUNCH

IF I USE THEM TOGETHER,

THEN I CAN DO ANYTHING.

NOW, WHO'S FIRST?

THERE'S THE HIDEOUS

TWO-FACED HYPOCRITE.

TWO-FACED HYPOCRITE.

HMM, LET'S SEE.

V FOR VICTORY OVER

TWO-FACED HYPOCRITE.

NOW, IF YOU TAKE AWAY

THE TWO FACES,

THAT LEAVES V OVER (h).

FORTHRIGHT.

THIS SHOULD BE THE ANSWER.

ALL WE NEED IS A 4.

WELL DONE, ME BOY.

WELL DONE.

IF THERE'S ONE THING

I CAN'T ABIDE,

IT'S A HYPOCRITE.

MILO, QUICK.

IT'S THE OVERBEARING

KNOW-IT-ALL.

YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED HOME

AND MINDED YOU OWN BUSINESS.

YOU NEVER LISTEN

TO YOUR BETTERS.

I TRIED TO TELL YOU,

BUT, OH, NO.

I'M ALWAYS RIGH ABOUT THESE THINGS.

I THINK I KNOW:

JUST THE WORD FOR HIM.

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