The Pickwick Papers Page #9

bearing all the outward semblance of a man and not

a

monster knocked at the door of Mrs. Bardell's

Lodgings.

That man was Pickwick. Pickwick the defendant. And

If he be in court, gentlemen, as I am informed that he

is,

Let me tell the defendant Pickwick that it would have

been more decent of him, more becoming, in better

taste and

in better judgment if he had stayed away rather than

he

should have shamed the precincts of this court by

delighting in the exhibition of his own heart lessness

and

his own systematic villainy.

Here, here.

The facts and circumstances, gentlemen, you

shall now hear detailed.

- Music-

Now, sir, have the goodness to Let his Lordship

know and the jury know what your name is.

Arabella, Arabella.

I asked you a question, sir.

Oh, did you?

Yes, sir. Have the goodness to Let his Lordship

know and the jury know what your name is.

Winkle.

What is your Christian name, sir?

Nathaniel.

Daniel? Any other name?

Nathaniel, sir. My Lord, I mean.

Nathaniel Daniel or Daniel Nathaniel?

Neither, my Lord. Only Nathaniel, not Daniel.

Then what did you tell me it was Daniel for?

I didn't, my Lord.

You did, sir. How could I have got Daniel on my

notes

unless you told me so?

Mr. Winkle has a conveniently short memory, my

Lord. We shall find means to refresh it before we're

done

with him, I dare say.

You'd better be careful, sir.

Now, Mr. Winkle, and Let me recommend you for

your own

sake to bear in mind his Lordships injunction to be

careful. You're a particular friend of Pickwick the

defendant, are you not?

I - I've known Mr. Pickwick now as Well as I can

recollect at this moment -

Please, sir, do not evade the question. Are you or

are

you not a friend of Pickwick the defendant? I will

repeat

the question a dozen times if you require it, sir.

I was just about to tell you.

Really? My Lord, it is impossible to get any

evidence through the impenetrable stupidity of

this witness.

If you don't answer the question, youll be

committed, sir.

Come, come, come, sir. Yes or no, sir? If you

please.

Yes, I am.

Yes, you are. Then why couldnt you have said so at

once? Now, Mr. Winkle, do you remember calling on

the

defendant Pickwick at the plaintiffs Lodgings in

GosWell Street on one particular morning in July

Last?

Yes, I do.

Were you accompanied on that occasion by a friend

in

the name of Tupman, and another in the name of

Snodgrass?

Yes, I was.

Are they here?

Yes, they are.

Pray, sir, attend to me and never mind about your

friends. They must tell their own stories without any

consultation with you, if none has yet taken place.

Now, Mr. Winkle, pray tell the jury what you saw on

entering the defendant's Lodgings.

Uh -

Come, come, sir. Out with it! We must have it sooner

or

Later, you know.

Mr. Pickwick was holding the plaintiff in his arms,

clasping her waist, and the plaintiff appeared to have

fainted away.

Thank you, Mr. Winkle. That is all.

I have only one more question to ask you. Will you

undertake to swear that the defendant Pickwick did

not

say on that occasion, my dear Mrs. Bardell, you are

a good

soul, compose yourself to this situation, for to this

situation you must come, or words to that effect?

I didn't understand him, so, but I was on the

staircase and couldnt hear distinctly. The impression

on

my mind is -

The gentlemen of the jury want nothing of the

impressions on your mind, which I fear would have

Little effect upon honest, straightforward men. You

were

on the staircase, and you did not distinctly hear, yet

you

will not swear that Mr. Pickwick did not make use of

the expressions I have quoted?

No, I will not.

He means my Lord, that he dare not.

No questions, my Lord.

Silence!

- Music-

Are you agreed to bring your verdict, gentlemen?

We are, my Lord.

Do you find for the plaintiff, gentlemen, or for

the defendant?

For the plaintiff, my Lord.

What damages, gentlemen?

750 pounds, my Lord.

I congratulate you gentlemen upon your verdict,

despite its tendency to Leniency. Personally, I would

have trebled the damages, not halved them.

Thank you, sir.

Arabella.

Well, gentlemen.

Well, sir.

You imagine youll get your costs, don't

you, gentlemen?

I think it is rather probable, sir.

We shall try to.

You may try until you're blue in the face, Messrs.

Dodson and Fogg.

Dear Mr. Pickwick.

Not one farthing of costs or damages will you ever

get

from me.

The alternative is hardy a peasant one, sir.

The debtors' prison, Mr. Pickwick.

If the alternative were to spend the rest of my Life

in a debtors' prison, I would yield myself up with

perfect

cheerfulness and content of heart.

Youll soon think better of that, sir.

Yes, well soon see about that, Mr. Pickwick.

- Music-

Listen to me wrath and fire is upon us! The hour of

repentance is near. Repent! Repent! Repent! We are

all

fallen by the wayside.

Will you not still reconsider at the Last

moment, Mr. Pickwick? ALL you have to do is pay the

damages

and costs.

Sir, never. Good-bye, gentlemen. Do not distress

yourselves unduly. As you see, my own spirits were

never higher. Good-bye. Sir, at your pleasure.

- Music-

Prisoner Pickwick, sir.

Come with me.

- Music-

I'm dying of thirst.

I had no idea it would be Like this.

I told you before if I warn you again I'd put you

in irons.

Give us a chew of tobacco, sir. Just a loan.

I'LL pay you back.

He can't pay. He's just come in.

Give us some food.

Go away!

What's the matter?

How pitiful. How pitiful. I never dreamed that

anyplace

could be so destitute.

Why bless you, sir, they're Living in Luxury

on this side. You should see them on the poor side.

Poor, poor, hungry.

Well, sir, this is your chummery.

Chummery?

Yes, sir. You chum here with 25 other gentlemen. It's

not exactly a home from home.

I was hardly expecting one.

Of course, with a Little diplomatic representation in

the right quarter, I wouldn't be surprised but what a

different complexion could be put on things. But you

wouldn't want to bribe anybody, would you?

Oh, no. No.

Quite right.

- Music-

Not one farthing of damages do you get from me,

he says, even if I spend the rest of my existence in a

debtors' prison.

Very vigorous words, Sammy. Does the old gent

credit, my son.

Except that he meant them.

Ay?

Every word. He's in the Fleet prison this very

minute. Gone there of his own accord, he has.

Gone there of his own accord? Why, what good'll

that do? Theyll eat him alive in the Fleet.

Matter of principle, says he. Right, sir. In we goes

then says I. No, Sam, say she. The Fleet prison is no

place to bring a young man into. I shall continue to

pay

your wages, he says, and if ever I do Leave this

place,

Sam, he says, I pledge you my word that you shall

return to

me instantly. So I come straight away to find me old

father, what I know he's probably at this here very

bar

bar in this here particular low haunt at this here

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