The Pink Panther Strikes Again Page #3

Three:
My hand is on fire.

Drummond, what's going on?

Good afternoon, sir.

Inspector Clouseau

has been interrogating the staff.

Inspector Clouseau,

Superintendent Quinlan.

Oh, lnspector.

Superintendent.

Why don't you just tell Potters

that he's incompetent...

and request that he be taken off

the case?

Because we've got enough trouble

with France...

without suggesting that

their greatest detective is a fool.

Steady.

Where is he now?

He is shadowing

the Fassbender farm.

Hello, sailor.

- Yes?

- Who are you?

Chuck. Who are you?

What's that?

I am Chief lnspector Jacques Clouseau

of the Surete.

-How exciting.

-I think I will just take a look around.

Yes. Well, you'll have to make use

of the bar first or take a table.

- The show starts in a few minutes.

- In that case, I will take the table.

Right. Follow me, Jock.

- Jacques.

- Jack?

Ladies and gentlemen, once again...

it is my profound pleasure

to introduce...

the incomparable Ainsley Jarvis!

What's a queen

Without a castle

You're right

No queen at all

And you'd be right again to say

The winter's day

Is cold

Till you

Come

Until you love me

I always will be wanting

This need I need

Can come from only

You

Until you love me

I'll live a life of longing

For that's the next best thing

I can do

No way of knowing

Which way you're heart is going

To go

I don't think you know

Take as long as it takes

Your love

To grow

Until you love me

Not one dream can come true

In all my dreams

There is a place

For you

And so I'll keep those dreams

Until

You love me

Too

Why is it that this afternoon

you are Jarvis, the Fassbender butler...

and tonight, you are...

- Inspector, before you get all...

- Madame or monsieur, I must warn you.

You had better watch your step.

- Something wrong, Ainsley?

- Of course not, Bruno.

No, the inspector was just warning me

that I had to watch my step.

You see, back in France,

he's known as king of the tango.

- Tango?

- Oh, I'd love to.

- The kidnappers are here.

- Kidnappers?

Okay. Let's go.

You want to call Paris now?

Look at it this way.

It can't possibly get any worse.

Professor Fassbender!

What an honor to have you

and your charming daughter as my guests.

- Who the devil are you?

- Ah, yes. Who the devil, indeed.

Come. Sit down.

Let us just say for the moment...

that I'm your host and that I will do

everything in my power...

to make your stay here at Mondschien

Castle as pleasant as possible.

Providing, of course...

that you reciprocate by giving me

something that I very much want.

And that would be?

I am fascinated by your work

on time-space relationships...

particularly the vortices

of electromagnetic aberrations.

I see.

And do you work

for a particular government...

or do you expect to sell

my discovery to the highest bidder?

Neither, Professor.

Nothing so mundane.

You and l... we're going

to join forces, Professor.

We're going to build the Doomsday

Machine and conquer the world.

- Have a sweet.

- You're mad.

Mad? On the contrary...

every day, in every way...

I've been getting better

and better.

Mad? Was Hannibal mad?

Or Alexander? Surely Napoleon

was the maddest of them all. Mad?

We shall see, Professor.

- I shall tell you nothing.

- I think you will.

I'll die first.

Show Miss Fassbender

to the schoolroom.

Daddy?

What are you going to do?

Something so very, very painful,

so hideous...

your father will have no choice

but to cooperate.

All right.

I'll tell you anything.

The Wolverines certainly have to put

some points on the scoreboard.

I'm sure that Green

will come out throwing.

He's got to get that ball

down deep into Navy territory.

Green now on third down.

Looks to the left, throws it...

All right, team! Let's go!

Throw's complete to Rhodes!

He's inside the 15! He's to the 20!

The clock is running down.

Can the Wolverines do it?

- What happened?

- Where's the game?

- Who is that?

- Hello there.

- He's on every station.

- Well, call the F.C.C.

Hold it! He's saying something.

Mr. President, everybody, calm down.

Calm down, hell!

This is an emergen...

An emergency.

Did Michigan score?

Please, let's hear

what the fellow has to say.

It is little enough to ask...

the life of one man...

against a holocaust...

that could destroy the globe.

What the hell's he talking about?

Quiet.

That's why I say again...

give me Clouseau.

- And we can all sleep secure in bed.

- What's a Clouseau?

And so, next week...

I shall give the world a demonstration

of the awesome power I hold.

On Saturday, October 9th...

at precisely 3:
00 p.m.

Eastern Standard Time...

the United Nations building...

Will vanish

from the face of the earth.

And the gun goes off.

The game is over.

Call the F.B.I., the C.I.A.

and the Pentagon.

Find out who won the game!

That's a photograph taken

by an American news photographer...

while the broadcast

was in progress.

Paris has identified him

as one Charles Dreyfus...

former chief inspector

of the Surete.

- You're joking.

- And more recently an inmate...

at the state facility

for the criminally insane.

Until he escaped.

Here's a text of his speech.

He obviously controls equipment...

sophisticated enough

to pirate the satellite.

"Give me Clouseau, and we can all

sleep secure in our beds."

Thought that might interest you.

That's one crazy chief inspector talking

about another crazy chief inspector.

What does he mean anyway?

"Give me Clouseau."

Listen to this. "Little enough

to ask the life of one man...

against a holocaust

that could destroy the globe."

You missed the best bit. Look.

He also threatens

to make the U.N. building disappear.

- Operation Looking Glass?

- Fassbender.

Give me Lovell. Home Office.

- Where's Clouseau?

- I've no idea.

Now, ladies and gentlemen,

once again...

the incomparable Ainsley Jarvis.

Monsieur Jarvis?

- Sir, the coroner's report.

- Ah, yes.

It's amazing. Even after

he had been stabbed twice...

he was still able

to break the kidnapper's neck.

- Ah, pity.

- Yes, he had a lovely voice.

I meant pity that the kidnapper's dead.

We might have got something from him.

- I did get something out of him.

- What?

What's that?

- A clue.

- Clue?

- What?

- You said a clue.

Yes. A brochure clue...

advertising the Oktoberfest

in Munich.

It begins the day after tomorrow.

And you think the dead man was planning

to go there, perhaps to meet someone?

Yes. Perhaps to meet...

the lunatic Dreyfus.

At one time,

partners in the war against crime...

now archenemies.

- You'll need help.

- I prefer to do this alone.

Yes, but if Dreyfus is what we suspect,

he probably has an army behind him.

Of course it won't be easy,

but nothing worthwhile ever is.

That is why I have always failed

where others have succeeded.

For me, the greater the odds,

the greater the challenge.

And, as always,

I accept the challenge.

Well, I am off to Munich.

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