The Pirates of Somalia Page #7

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- Yes, yes, I know,

but you're missing the point.

I'm not a reporter, okay?

I thought I could come here

and get a book deal

or publish some stuff

once I sent some pages

to editors,

but they rejected me, man.

They f***ing rejected me

like every other

piece of sh*t

I've written! F***!

Sorry. Sorry.

- They rejected your work?

- Yeah.

If Farole finds out,

I'm f***ing dead.

I'm dead. He's gonna kill me.

[tea kettle whistling]

- Perhaps yes, perhaps no.

He understands rejection.

It's a human trait.

- I shouldn't have

come here, man.

I'm a f***ing idiot.

- Don't say that, Jay.

Don't say that.

You had no choice.

- Yeah.

I came here

with the noble idea

of exposing the truth,

and I lied

to everyone around me.

- You wake me in the middle

of the night to tell me this?

- I came here

to ask you a favor.

- Ask me.

- Yeah, okay.

I need you to help me get on

a ship and film some hostages.

- Jay, that is not wise.

- I know it's not wise.

I know that, but, you know, this

is the only way that people out

there are gonna give a f***

about what is going on here.

It's the only way.

- I don't believe that.

- Dude, CBS is willing

to pay $1,000, okay?

I'll split it with you

if you can get me on a ship.

I'll split it with you.

That's $500, American dollars.

That's f***ing great money,

man.

- Jay, it's not about money.

Once you're on the ship,

we cannot protect you.

The president

won't even allow this.

- It's CBS.

It's the biggest network.

- Yes, and your being

a famous reporter

getting killed,

that would seal the fate

for Somali people as terrorists.

- And I'm not famous.

- Jay, you will be.

- Abdi, they're not

publishing my words,

not a single f***ing one!

Nobody gives a flying

f*** about Boyah,

the struggling fisherman

turned Robin Hood pirate!

They don't f***ing care, man!

- Do you know Somali clans

used to fight with words

rather than weapons?

- I knew that, yes.

I did a paper on that.

- So you know our

great freedom fighter,

the poet warrior Mohammed

Abdullah Hassan, Sayyidka?

- The English called him

Mad Mullah.

- Ah, you know of him.

- Yes, I do, and I also know

that iambic pentameter

is not gonna solve

this problem, man.

I got to get on a f***ing ship.

- I will do something better.

- Better?

What the f***--what's

better than that?

- I was working to get you

in a meeting with the Garaad.

- The Garaad?

- Yes.

- The godfather of pirates?

- The man you want to have

crazy sex with his wife.

- What makes you say that?

- You don't think all

of Garowe know this?

- Does Garaad?

- If he know,

you wouldn't be here.

- That's comforting.

- He wants me as a translator,

so perhaps I trade

for the possibility of him

and you in a room.

- Then you're putting

yourself in danger.

That's--I don't like that.

- No, no, no, no, mm-mm.

That's nonsense, Jay.

- Why you helping me like this?

Why you doing that?

- You are my bro.

I have to help you.

- Thanks, man.

- Okay?

- Thank you.

- You're my bro, Jay.

- Whew, yeah.

- Don't worry, okay?

- Okay. We're good.

- Okay. Mm-hmm.

Have a good night.

- Edgar Allen Poe, Oscar Wilde,

Herman Melville, H.P. Lovecraft

all had one thing in common.

They died broke,

completely penniless,

so I got to blame

President Farole

a little bit for not asking

for all his money up front.

After all, I am a writer,

not an accountant, right?

Rule number one in life, Asad,

don't blow all

your money on drugs,

unless it's definitely gonna

lead to some serious ass

or a Pulitzer Prize.

This might not lead to either,

but I'd rather die trying.

What are you working on?

That me?

- Yes.

[both speaking Somali]

- [laughs] That's going up

on the board, buddy.

Nice. Wish me luck.

[both speaking Somali]

[light music]

- Good morning, Maryan.

- Morning, Jay.

- Could I have 1 kilo

of your best khat?

- Best?

- Yes.

- So what is

the special occasion?

- Um, I'm going to meet

your husband in Bosaso.

- So this khat is intended

for my husband?

- Yes.

- Okay.

- Is that a problem?

- No.

- No?

- No.

- Good.

Great.

So, uh, any advice on, um,

how I can get on his good side?

- You're asking me?

- Yeah.

- Well, I haven't

seen him in months.

- Oh. Nothing?

Even a little tidbit,

anything? Like--

- Compliment his clothes.

- His clothes?

- Yeah.

He's proud of how he dresses.

- Oh.

Yes, okay, I'll do that.

Um, what do you think

of my clothes?

- They are terribly bland.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

- Maybe you could take me

shopping later.

- Not happening.

- Okay, I got to go.

[both] Bye.

- Oh, Maryan, my sweet

If I ruled the world,

every day would be--

- What time you got, bro?

- He is one hour late.

- Mm. Is there any chance

he won't show up?

- Maybe, but then

we have tomorrow.

- What if I told you I spent

the last of my money

on this khat?

- I'd tell you

Garaad won't eat it.

Khat, it dies after

one day, useless.

- Convenient.

- That's Garaad.

[both speaking Somali]

- Please tell Garaad

that I like his tie.

- Now, what?

- Yeah.

Tell him.

- [speaking Somali]

- Where did he get it?

Where--where from?

- [speaking Somali]

- [speaking Somali]

Dolce Gabbana.

- Dolce Gabbana?

- Dolce--you heard that one.

- Yeah, I heard that.

Um, what about the suit?

- [speaking Somali]

- [speaking Somali]

Dolce Gabbana.

- Knew it!

- [speaking Somali]

- I knew it was Dolce Gabbana.

- He said--no,

he say--

- It looks awesome, man.

- It's not--

- It looks really,

really good.

- It's not Dolce Gabbana.

- It's not Dolce Gabbana?

- No, it's a knockoff.

- It's a knockoff?

- Mm.

- Well, that's--I mean,

it looks amazing.

You would never even know.

I have a gift for you.

The best khat money can buy.

- Wow.

- Yeah, wow.

- [speaking Somali]

- He wants to know where

you buy this khat from.

- Where?

- Where.

- In the market in Garowe.

- [speaking Somali]

- [speaking Somali]

- He thought so. You got it

from one of his close dealers,

so now he doesn't want

to waste a bullet in you.

- Good.

Thank you for not killing me.

Uh, don't tell him that.

So, uh, tell me about yourself,

Garaad. Is this okay?

- [speaking Somali]

- Yes, yes.

[speaking Somali]

- [speaking Somali]

- He have more

than 800 hijackers.

- [speaking Somali]

- That is spread

from Bosaso to Eyl.

- That is a lot.

Very impressive.

- [speaking Somali]

- Very impressive.

- [speaking Somali]

- Now, um, I recently did

an interview with Boyah,

who's sort of a--

- [speaking Somali]

- He doesn't want to hear

anything about Boyah.

He said he's a--he's

no one, you know?

- Say no more. Say no more.

I understand you're a very

different man from him,

and I was just wondering if you

could maybe elaborate on that.

- [speaking Somali]

- [speaking Somali]

- With his group,

it's a must to destroy anyone

and everyone that's

doing illegal fishing.

- Is it fair to say

that any ship

that is traveling your waters,

be it fishing, cargo,

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