The Pirates of Somalia Page #6

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- Yes, yes, I am.

Um, I'm being hosted

by President Farole's son.

- Christ, this is unreal.

No one's in there,

CNN, BBC, no one.

- Yeah, I know.

[beeping]

- [speaking Somali]

- Oh, sh*t.

- What the f*** was that?

- Ten minutes,

my--my phone card's out.

I--I'm--I'm tagging along

with a pirate the locals

claim is like Robin Hood.

He runs this huge

operation out of Eyl.

It is my hope that I can be

a stringer with you,

and if you really see

something in the pages,

you could help me

get a book deal.

Will--will you read my pages?

- Yes.

- Yes!

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Uh, I'm a huge fan, by--

[dial tone]

- He said he was a lobster

diver from Eyl.

- [speaking Somali]

- The Westerners come,

Chinese, the Koreans.

- Jay! Gabar!

- You're a good wingman, Asad.

Nice! Nice, buddy. Yes!

- [speaking Somali]

- What?

- [speaking Somali]

- What does that mean?

- [speaking Somali]

- Keep your eyes on her, man.

Go, baby, go, baby, go.

Go, baby, go.

- [speaking Somali]

- You took the chair.

You took the chair.

You took the chair.

[thrilling music]

[upbeat Arabic music]

For the record, I am a complete

and utter disbeliever in destiny

bringing two lovers together.

It is a merely mathematical

probability that you will meet

the ultimate girl

of your dreams in your lifetime.

These odds are increased

slightly by reckless behavior

and naivet.

That is how I met Maryan.

Assalamu alaikum

Jay.

- Assalamu alaikum, Maryan.

- [speaking Somali]

- Yes, I see you in the window.

- You speak English.

- A little.

- Where did you learn?

- I watch a lot

of American movies.

- Movies?

- Yeah. I love.

- That makes two of us.

- Yes?

- Yeah.

Uh, got movie posters

all over my room.

What's your favorite movie?

- I like "G.I. Jane."

- Really?

- Yeah. I like Demi Moore.

She's a very tough woman.

- Yeah, especially

with that buzz cut.

It's super butch.

I'm sure Demi Moore

would be honored, though,

to have a Somali fan club.

- The movie I think is

very wrong is "Black Hawk Down."

- Because, uh, it's about

what went down in Mogadishu?

- No, because it's about

our people,

and they do not use a single

person from Somalia in it.

It is wrong.

- I didn't know that.

- Yes.

"Derka derka Mohammed jihad,"

That's what they were doing

the whole pathetic film.

- You just did "Team America."

That's crazy. Wow.

- Yes, "Team America"

said many smart things.

- This conversation

is getting surreal.

- You know this city

talks about you?

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

- What are they saying?

- They're saying you're here

to expose the truth

about the badaadinta badah.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Well, I mean, I am trying,

but, uh,

what do you think about them?

- I'm not the person to ask.

I'm married to one.

- Garaad.

- So you know?

- I know, yeah.

He's a very powerful man.

I'm trying to meet him.

- Yeah, you and I

both want that meeting.

- You don't see him much?

- Not since I married him, no.

- Well, you'd be

a better treasure

than anything he'd find

on one of those ships.

- That's an American

movie line.

- Yes.

Maybe. I don't know.

But it's good though, right?

And true.

- You here for khat, yes?

- Yeah.

- So how much do you want?

- Uh, I don't know.

You--you take

foreign money, right?

- Yeah. Yeah.

- Yeah?

Okay. Uh, how much

will this get me?

- Wow, enough to make you crazy.

- Yeah, that's what

I'm talking about.

[knock at door]

- Jay.

- I think it's time

to see Boyah again.

- Is that khat?

- No, it's spinach.

Yes, it's khat.

[The Notorious B.I.G.'s

"Hypnotize"]

[all exclaim]

[speaking Somali]

- So tell me, Boyah,

how do you attack?

[both speaking Somali]

- We attack in small groups.

- [speaking Somali]

- And we circle them

like wolves.

[intense music]

[siren wailing]

[alarm blaring]

[alarm blares]

[thrilling music]

[indistinct intercom

announcement]

[intense, percussive music]

- [speaking indistinctly]

[cheering]

- Yeah, bro!

[cheering]

[screaming, clamoring]

[cheering]

[indistinct chatter]

Jay! Jay.

- [speaking Somali]

- Ah, [laughs]

That's--Whoa!

[groans]

[computer chiming]

Hello? Hello?

- Hello, Jay?

Can you see me okay?

- Yeah, it's--I can.

It's kind of a bad connection.

- Oh, yeah, damn technology.

- Yeah, do you want

to call me back maybe?

- Uh, no, no, I can't.

I'm kind of pressed

for time right now.

- Okay, um, did you get

a response on my pages?

- Yeah, uh, unfortunately

not everyone here

is sharing the enthusiasm

I've got for them.

- Did you say "unfortunately?"

- Yes.

- Sh*t.

- My colleagues feel that

as a book it's missing a hook.

- A hook?

Boyah's Captain f***ing Hook

minus the eye patch.

- I know. I'm--I'm as

shocked as you are.

The material you're getting

is incredible.

I--I didn't see this coming.

Look, the three top-selling

books this year are "Twilight,"

"New Moon," and "Breaking Dawn,"

so don't take it personal.

We're all up

against vampires, okay?

- Personal? Avril, these people

are desperate!

No one is willing to listen

to what they have to say!

- I'm sorry, Jay. I really am.

Just know that

I'm on your side, okay?

- Okay.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah.

- Look, I don't--I don't know

if you'd be interested,

but I've heard that

CBS is willing to pay $1,000

for any video of hostages

on the ships.

- Is this your way of saying

it's a dead end

with your contacts?

- No.

I know it's crazy

and borderline sensationalism,

but it can really

get you out there.

It could help sell this book.

Plus I know money

must be tight for you right now.

I've been there.

- Right.

- Just keep at it, Jay.

I'm gonna continue

to push for you on this end.

There's a book here.

- Okay. Okay, thanks, Avril.

- One more little

piece of advice,

you might want to organize

your cards a little better.

It's a pet peeve of mine.

I just--I find it makes your

flow of thoughts more concise.

- F***! F***!

F***ing f***!

Hey, bro, uh--

- Jay.

- Can we talk?

- Now?

- Yeah.

- Come.

- Thanks.

Thanks, man. How you doing?

Sorry to wake you up, man.

I'm just having a hard time,

man, you know?

I trust you, man.

- Thank you.

- No, I mean that, you know?

Like, I really--I really trust

you because, you know,

I don't really have

many people that I trust,

and you're, like,

one of those people, so.

- Is there something

troubling you, bro?

- Don't call me bro, please.

Call me Jay.

If you still want to call me bro

after I finish telling you

what I'm telling you,

then that's fine.

- Okay.

- What I say has to stay

between us, I mean it.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Um, all right,

Uh-- [laughs]

[rubs hands together]

I'm not

a famous journalist,

and I don't have a book deal.

- Okay.

- No, it's not okay.

Everyone here thinks

I'm a famous reporter.

That's why I'm here,

but I'm a f***ing no one.

- Jay...

you are the only reporter

willing to risk their life

to show the struggle

of Somali people.

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