The Polka King Page #3

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We serve everything on paper plates.

But the grease trap needs to be cleaned.

[sighs] Okay.

[sobbing]

[door opens]

Oh. How'd it go?

We raise $573 for St. Stanislaus.

Oh, you're so good. Dinner's in the oven.

- You are my wonderful.

- [chuckles]

[Barb] Jan?

Marla told me the government

came sniffing around today.

What was that all about?

Is nothing. Paperwork, business.

Good night, Barb.

[Barb shouting] Really?

Because Carol Menlow called to say

she pulled up next to you at a red light,

and you were sobbing.

Oh, I've...

Low blood make me sugar crazy.

Marla right, I need eat.

That was over three hours ago.

Where you been all this time?

I went with Mickey Stutz to go for hoagie.

- Somethin's going on.

- No, nothing on.

Everything good.

I told Marla, "Don't marry a musician.

They can't keep it in their pants."

I keep in pants, always in pants.

I take out of pants for pee-pee only.

I'm watching you, Jan.

And if you do anything

to hurt this family, I will destroy you.

I will gut you, and fillet you,

and ship you back to Poland

in a doggy bag.

Okay.

So, with the second mortgage,

only Mr. Jan Lewan need sign, is right?

- Not Mrs. Jan Lewan?

- [woman] Yes, sir.

You're the only titleholder,

so only your signature...

I be down this afternoon.

Anita, Ed, my favorite Krzyewskis!

What brings you

to 21st Street Mini-Mall in Hazleton?

We got something important

to talk to you about,

regarding our investment.

Wonderful. Who wants fro-yo?

Let's go get fro-yo.

- Marla, I be right back.

- Okay.

Right this way.

[Jan] So...

you probably spoke with black Ron Edwards?

Who's "black Ron Edwards"?

How is peppermint stick?

Pineapple swirl is delish.

We want to invest more money

in Jan Lewan Show Gifts.

Oh!

Ah... Uh...

I... happy you like so much,

but I no longer take investments.

Why?

It's all full-up. I got all the money.

Soon, you will get invest back.

I told you we should've come sooner.

The IRA just matured.

[Ed] I'm sorry.

You really like investing with Jan Lewan?

Where were you in '87?

We got creamed in the stock market.

It's all rigged

by those Wall Street criminals.

We need a good investment

for us regular people.

Well, I do have

new investment opportunity,

but I did not mention

because it's for bigger investments.

Does it have the same guaranteed return?

Yes, it does.

[Anita] We want in.

I'm gonna be right back.

[blows]

This is big time of growing for business.

I quit all other jobs

and focus on polka only.

So, if you have friends

who you think would like, you know...

tell them call me.

But only tell very good friends,

people who appreciate very exclusive.

Important to be... [shushes]

I've got a cousin down in Delaware

who just got

a real big worker's comp settlement.

He should call today. For you.

Beedle-deedle-dee

Oh, this is too much!

Oh, let us pay for them.

No! Okay. $22.99.

[Jan] I work 20 times hard for you!

I make you so happy!

I'm not gonna let you down!

[bell rings]

[Jan]

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

It has been two months

since my last confession.

[priest] God is listening.

I do something wrong

because I know, by doing wrong thing,

it help me do right thing.

What are you confessing to?

I tell lie.

I am sinner,

but I promise to work so hard,

and then I pay back all the moneys.

I just need more time.

When one of my businesses goes big,

then I keep all my promises.

Do you repent for your sin?

I do, I do.

I've asked God, "Show me the way."

Say ten "Our Fathers"

and stay on the righteous path.

I will, Father. I will, I will, I will.

[Ron] Mr. Lewan?

Ron Edwards, Pennsylvania SEC.

Remember me?

Ron Edwards, hello!

Yes, of course, I remember you.

I'm calling to follow up.

Yes, I so happy you came see me when

you did to stop me making wrong moves.

I return all money to investors

in Jan Lewan Show Gifts.

I only had six people,

so it's not too big a deal. And...

Yes, so, you know, that is that.

And then, done with that

and never make that mistake no more.

And no more invest

in Jan Lewan Show Gifts.

Only play the polka for the smiles.

- You should come see us some time.

- [chuckles] Sounds fun.

Glad we could close this case.

Thank you, Mr. Lewan.

To you too, my brother.

Okay, my brother.

[moans] Oh...

How I make all this money?

Where I get rest of money?

[announcer]

It's time for The Lou Laroue Show.

With your host... Lou Laroue.

Now, Jan,

you always have so much going on.

Yes, and today,

we have wonderful surprise.

- Is trumpet debut of my boy, David.

- It's a real family affair.

Well, that is the only kind of affair

that is okay with my wife.

[rimshot plays]

[both chuckle]

[Lou] Okay.

You're constantly on the road

with the band.

You've got the store,

the record label, the radio program,

Jan Lewan-flavored vodka...

And now, Jan Lewan offer travel packages

to Europe.

Jan Lewan always expanding.

[clicks tongue]

- Tell us about it.

- I'm very exciting about this.

I lead group on 12-day trip

of great capitals of Europe.

We start in Warsaw,

and we finish in Vatican City

for private audience with Pope!

The Pope? Oh, that sounds

like a unique experience.

Oh, is trip of lifetime.

No one else offers

this Premium Pope Package.

- Only Jan Lewan European Tours.

- Terrific.

Okay, now, I understand

you've prepared a song for us today?

Yeah, special for this show.

We play, "Lou Laroue Show Polka."

I am honored.

- He make you laugh

- Ha-ha!

- He make you cry

- Wah-wah!

He has the best guests in town

Come on a trip, to Vatican

Meet the man that's close to God!

Eat pasta meals

Plus talk to Pope

We love you, Lou Laroue

Hey!

We'll be right back.

Welcome to Warsaw!

Hey, hey, hello! Good see you!

We just arrive in Bratislava.

Vienna. How about that!

Buongiorno, buongiorno.

We in Rome, and today, we gonna meet Pope.

Is special, special day.

Okay, Mickey, cut.

Now, can we get gelato?

No, no, no. No time. Let's go.

Anita!

And we go this way, right over...

This way.

Now we're gonna have

five-star Italian lunch and gelato.

And then we're gonna have private audience

with Holy Father.

Okay, watch out here.

We got some uneven pavement.

Oh, I'm sorry. No, keep going. Okay.

Careful. Here we go.

Everybody this way for yum-yum.

- You come with me, Mickey Stutz.

- What about lunch? I'm hungry.

I got peanuts on the bus. Come on.

- What the hell's going on?

- Mickey, no, no, no! Shut that off!

[Mickey] I thought I was filming you.

You are here to be my bodyguard.

Bodyguard for what?

I don't have confirmed appointment

with Holy Father.

What?

This is the Premium Pope Package.

[laughs] Is disaster.

You said we were gonna meet the Pope.

I know. I've been calling for weeks.

Nobody give me answer.

I thought you knew him.

I meet him once when I am seven years old!

- Excuse me.

- Wha...

Jan, all these people are here

to see the Pope.

What are you gonna tell them?

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