The Polka King Page #5

---

Come.

- I do.

- Thank you.

[Jan] I really do.

I don't get how this place stays open.

We haven't had a customer in three hours.

Well, that's why Pop started

the catalog business.

This is a business? I was not aware.

Grandma, why are you so mad

at Pop all the time?

I'm not mad at your father.

I just think he lives in la-la land.

He's meeting with producers

in Los Angeles.

And when he gets his own TV show,

he says I can be on it.

Sweetheart, that is la-la talk.

Nothing more.

People love coming to his concerts.

He makes them happy.

Flying himself first class to LA,

putting himself up in Beverly Hills. How?

All right, I'm gonna get some lunch.

I just don't want you

to follow in his footsteps.

You're a good boy,

and there are better footsteps.

Okay, Grandma.

- You want anything?

- You're a doll.

Get me a cheesesteak. No peppers.

And make sure they use the good toaster.

[bell jingles]

Whew.

[jingles]

Oh, Mickey.

For a second,

I thought we actually had a customer.

Hey, Barb. Haven't seen you in a while.

I'm just helping out while

they're off jet-setting in California.

Tonight's the big night. Fingers crossed.

- We could win.

- No.

Seems unlikely.

I saw Cheryl in the bank.

She's put on a lot of weight. Is she okay?

Thyroid.

Bad mood swings, too.

Mm.

Supposed to pick up some flyers.

Jan said they're in his office.

I'll take a look.

Hold down the fort.

Okay.

[Mickey] Found 'em!

They were under the counter.

You're looking real good, Barb.

That's very nice of you.

We're playing the Trump Taj Mahal

next month.

You should come.

I don't think so.

Yeah, it's real far.

Things are really picking up here

at the Grammys.

I think I see Tom Jones

headed toward me on the carpet.

Jan Lewan.

- [woman] Who?

- Jan Lewan, polka nominee.

- [woman] Jan Lewan!

- Hello!

[woman] Hi! Welcome.

You look like a very happy man.

Yes, I got a great gift basket

with mini-hairdryer inside.

- Jan, I see Eddie Murphy.

- Where?

- [woman] Is this is your first nomination?

- [loudly] What?

Does he look heavier to you?

[Jan on TV]

Oh, my goodness, yes! It's so...

[woman] Marla.

- Sheila.

- Hey.

We saw Jan's picture in the paper.

We didn't win a Grammy,

but it was a thrill to be nominated.

Were you there, too?

- Of course, I was there.

- Oh, my God!

What was it like?

Sheila, it was 70 degrees in Los Angeles.

You must've seen famous people.

Tom Jones, Andy Garcia, Eddie Murphy...

I met Judy Tenuta.

- Was she nice?

- She was so nice. So nice.

Can you put this on a tab?

Tell Jan to be a little bit more careful

with the mustard.

- He loves his mustard.

- [Sheila] Wow.

Your life is so exciting.

- Oh. [chuckles]

- [Sheila] I knew you when you were nobody.

[laughs] I was never nobody.

I was always Marla.

[Sheila] Oh, yeah.

Sure, I mean, but... who's Marla?

She went to school with Sheila.

Marla and Sheila are not at the Grammys,

meeting the Pope.

- Well...

- [Sheila] You're Mrs. Jan Lewan.

That's way better than plain old Marla.

Good to see you, Sheila.

So, Vince, you know what I wanna get?

I wanna get "tight cowboy."

- Okay, cowboy is a head-to-knee.

- Yes, so tight cowboy.

- Do you think of me as Mrs. Jan Lewan?

- Yes, of course!

So I want you to pan from me to crowd,

then back to close on me.

Yeah, Vince, just make sure

you get Jan, Jan, Jan and only Jan.

- What I say?

- I don't know.

- Welcome to our 14th Annual Polkafest.

- [feedback squeals]

[applause]

[Marla] Yeah.

It is my privilege

to introduce the wonderful performer

you are about to see...

who also happens to be my husband.

I think a lot of you look at me

and you think, "Wow, she's so lucky

because she's 'Mrs. Jan Lewan.'"

Ahem.

But there's a lot more to me. [chuckles]

And I'm always introducing Jan,

so maybe I introduce myself tonight.

Okay, so I'm sure a lot of you remember

that I did compete for and won...

Junior Miss Hazelton.

[scattered applause]

I can also sing and dance,

but how would you ever know that?

Because I never get the chance.

Ahem.

My story is the story of so many women.

Because I put my dreams aside

so that I could raise a family...

and let my husband hog the spotlight.

And I'm sure a lot of you ladies

can relate to that.

Didn't you use to have dreams and...

and goals?

What happened?

So that's just a little something

about who I am.

So...

without further ado... uh,

uh, I would like to introduce

the enormously talented Polish Prince,

Jan Lewan!

- Hey!

- [applause]

My lovely wife, who is not just my wife.

She much, much, much,

much, much, much more.

She is wonderful mother,

and more than that, too, she...

fold the laundry so good.

That is bonus.

Because what I really am trying to say is,

she is amazing at whatever she do.

- So please give up hands for my Marla!

- [man] Yeah!

- [applause]

- [man] Marla!

One, two, go!

- [music playing]

- [audience cheering]

So, Mom, what happened out there tonight?

Did you, like, blow a fuse or something?

Mmm, this sesame chicken is yummy.

Why? Was it bad?

No, no! Everyone come up to me after

and say how great talker you are.

Tonight made me realize

that I need to do something for myself.

I couldn't agree more.

[Barb] Listen.

I do the books

for Dr. Morrissey's practice in Scranton.

He's looking for a new office manager.

You would be perfect, Marla.

What about gift shop?

Marla is best amber salesman.

[Barb] I'm talking about a secure job,

with regular hours and a regular paycheck.

You want Marla to work for dentist?

What kind of life is that?

It's a kind of life with health insurance!

Stop it! Stop! Both of you, stop it!

I want to do something big

and something that I can be proud of,

which is why I have decided, tonight,

that I am going to compete

in the Mrs. Pennsylvania Beauty Pageant.

That is a complete waste of time.

Those pageants are a racket!

Of course, you should do that, my darling.

Jan.

I'm gonna need a trainer, a dance coach,

- a speech coach...

- We get my guy.

[Marla] I need gowns

and a lot of bathing suits.

- We go to Miami.

- I need new shoes...

- We get all most expensive.

- How are you gonna pay for all this?

You are not a beauty queen.

You look like your father.

[Barb] You are not doing this.

- Know what?

- [dishes clatter]

All respect, Barb, but this my house!

And I am man, and I am decider!

[yelling] Marla, wake up

and pull your head out of your ass!

[Marla]

Do you know what your problem is, Ma?

You're not a happy person!

- Just let her go.

- You wanna believe in fairy tales?

Far be it from me. Go ahead!

Believe in your fantasy world!

I would rather live in a fantasy world

than whatever world you're living in!

I live in a little place called

"Open Your Eyes"!

- I am done with you lunatics!

- You never believed in me!

Jan believes in me!

[door opens, slams]

- [sobbing]

- [Jan] Oh, Marla. It's okay.

[Barb] You know Robby Pulaski?

Marla could've married him.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes