The Princess and the Pirate Page #4

left a little silver lying around here.

Hey, case this handbill.

"Ye Bucket of Blood."

Bucket of Blood,

that's what I've been looking for.

- I'll wade in there and get ajob.

- You sure they'll hire you?

They've probably heard of me.

If they haven't, it'll be easier.

I bet they haven't had

high-class entertainment here in years.

- Maybe it'll work.

- Sure.

- What salary are you going to ask for?

- My usual salary.

But, Sylvester, we've got to eat.

I'm sorry. This dance is taken.

- Nice shooting, seor.

- Good shot.

Hey, this body, it's dead.

- Heart failure.

- Heart failure. Look at that.

He's not cleaning a pipe. He killed this guy.

Why don't you tell him?

- Why don't you?

- He probably knows it by now.

He's Don Jos Ramon Sebastian Alvarez.

This unfortunate dog

has done a very bad thing.

- He's cast his shadow upon him.

- Bad casting.

- What happens to the body?

- They leave it out in front.

The collectors come by once a day.

Twice on Saturday.

That's all right.

I was afraid they'd accumulate.

You sound like a stranger.

You haven't lived in this town very long.

- Does anybody?

- What do you want here?

I came to talk to you on business.

I'm buying bodies for a medical school.

- No. That's just a gag. I'm looking for ajob.

- Come with me. Let us sit down.

- Hey, your shadow!

- Send for the collector.

Please, Don Jos! He's a stranger in town.

He doesn't know the rules.

You will teach him or I will.

I'll go to night school. I'll work it out.

Wait till you pay the tax.

Sit down. What is your business, stranger?

I'm Sylvester the Great.

You know, the Great Sylvester.

The name has no meaning.

You're buried here in the sticks.

They know me everyplace else in the world.

I can top any act

you've ever had here in Casarouge.

- You wish to entertain?

- That's right.

What do you do?

I walk on the stage,

and I open with a smash.

And then I build. I've got one of the...

- What happened?

- He didn't finish his drink.

It's an insult here,

when you're drinking with someone...

- not to drain the last drop.

- Really? The last drop?

- What'll you have?

- A very short beer.

Two short beers!

Now about that act of yours.

My customers, they like to watch

beautiful women.

It's kind of a hobby with them.

Sounds like something that might catch on.

- Now, if your act had a pretty girl in it...

- That's amazing that you should say that.

The other half of my act

is over at the Boar's Head Inn.

But the name of your act,

I thought you worked by yourself.

No. We just call the act "Sylvester the Great"

because she insists on it.

- This dame of mine has so much oomph...

- "Oomph." What's that?

Oomph? You know, that's with a...

Oomph, it's a sort...

Have you got a sweater around here?

Never mind, you'll hear about it

sooner or later.

- What do you say? Do we get the job?

- Perhaps I give you a trial tonight.

- That's great. What about the money?

- Money?

Money, that stuff. It looks like...

That's funny.

I've forgotten what it looks like.

If my customers like your act,

they throw gold on the stage.

What do they throw

if they don't like the act?

- Lead.

- I had to ask.

Two short beers.

I'm not going in there. That's over my head.

Come, we'll seal our contract with a drink.

Come, drink up. You do not want the job?

Come, no man who refuses to drink with me

walks out of here alive.

- No, thanks, I've had enough.

- Drink!

It's funny how quick

you can develop a thirst.

Pardon me. I think I'd better be

burping along.

Well done, stranger.

I like a man who can drink like that.

And now, you're going to drink with me.

Hugo, bring it over here.

Are you over the effects of that beer?

Yeah. That was a good idea, hanging me up

by my feet for three hours.

Listen, I'm going out first

and get them in the mood.

When I give you the cue, you come on.

If you're not doing so good,

I'll come again and save the act.

- But what do I do?

- You gotta sing or dance.

You can't just stand there. After all, these...

You can just stand there.

But, Sylvester, when you're on,

who'll be looking at me?

I will. Boy, are you well stacked.

I wanna tell you something.

This stuff you been spreading around

that I'm falling for you?

- Yes?

- Some of it's true.

But don't let it go to your head.

This act's gotta be a real partnership.

If everything works out well,

you get 10% of the take.

Thank you.

I knew I could count on your generosity.

There's no use hogging it.

We want the actor!

Hey, you hear that?

They really want me there. In another

minute, they'll be coming up the stage.

I hope they haven't got ropes.

Don't kid around about things like that.

Come on.

Shut up!

Gentlemen, tonight we have a special treat.

An act unparalleled in theatrical history...

fresh from a triumphant tour of Europe.

Now, let me present

the world's greatest quick-change artist...

- Sylvester the Great.

- That's me.

The man of seven faces.

Let's see the other six.

Who said that?

I did, you sniveling wooden-headed baboon.

What about it?

Gentlemen, please. Give him a chance.

We just finished cleaning

the blood off the stage from the last act.

- Yes, we...

- Go ahead, Sylvester.

Gentlemen, my first quick-change is so fast,

I do it right in front of the audience.

I'm an old man.

I'm a very old man,

and I have seen much of life.

You ain't seen nothing yet.

Now, wait a minute, fellas.

This is going too far.

I don't mind people throwing vegetables,

but you...

Told you, I don't mind. No mayonnaise?

Now, my next impersonation...

We don't like actors

what do impersonations.

Let me introduce Sylvester the Great,

world's greatest soft-shoe dancer.

- We don't like actors who dance!

- What kind of actors do you like?

Dead actors!

That's your cue.

I always get a big hand like that

when I go off.

Pardon me, we're killing them.

How would you like

to kiss me in the moonlight?

How would you like

to hold me in your arms?

When your arms are so inviting

How can you keep from

turning on your charms?

Wouldn't you like my head

upon your shoulder?

Isn't that where you feel it ought to be?

While the night is so exciting

Wouldn't you like to fall in love with me?

I've got what you want

Darling, what's more

You've got what I want

So what are we waiting for?

Nothing is so romantic as a June night

Specially when the devil's in your eyes

How would you like

to kiss me in the moonlight?

You wouldn't like it half as much as I

'Cause I've got what you want

Darling, what's more

You've got what I want

So what are we waiting for?

Nothing is so romantic as a June night

Specially when the devil's in your eye

How would you like

to kiss me in the moonlight?

You wouldn't like it half as much as I

Say, not bad. You stick with me, and before

you know it, I'll be wearing diamonds.

Have we enough to get out of Casarouge?

That's all I wanna know.

What for? We've stumbled onto a hot racket.

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