The Princess Diaries Page #3

At least your dad's still alive.

I thought you were getting over that.

It's been two months.

I know, but after all, he was my dad.

Biologically, yes,

but you never met the man.

Just a nice card and gift

on your birthday for 15 years.

Be fair, they were beautiful presents.

Remember the Faberge merry-go-round?

That was nice.

- And he paid for my school tuition.

- I guess so.

You know, Lilly,

I gotta run, OK?

I gotta go see your brother

about my baby.

OK, but let's take the limo tomorrow,

these hills are killing me.

You got it.

He fixes cars, plays guitar

and he can sing.

- He is so hot.

- He is wicked sweet.

Talk loud, I got a band rehearsing.

You've been listening

to the sounds of Flypaper.

We're flying away now.

All right, stop yelling.

They're finished.

It sounded really good.

Ned is really wailing.

- Hello, Mia.

- Hey, Doc.

So what's the diagnosis for my baby?

Four hundred dollars.

Yeah, I know. It costs to be cool.

- This is not my day.

- I'll do some labor free.

Thanks, but I'll talk to my grandma

about it. It'll be great.

Anyway, I'll see you guys later.

I gotta be somewhere.

"I'll do some labor free."

You sweet on her?

She's my sister's best friend.

That's the hardest place to be.

Between friend and friendlier.

Your Majesty, the diplomatic pouch

has arrived and she's here.

- Send her in.

- Yes, ma'am.

I need more roses.

Red, white, mauve.

- Miss Amelia, welcome.

- Hi.

Straight ahead to your left.

Her Majesty is in the library.

Charlotte, take notes, will you?

Amelia, circle slowly,

so I can evaluate the work to be done.

Amelia! Does your bad posture

affect your hearing?

- Turn.

- Sorry.

No, slowly turn.

Slowly, thank you.

Well, carriage, obviously.

Hairstyle.

Complexion. Stop!

Eyes, lovely.

But hidden beneath

bushman eyebrows.

The neck is seemly.

Ears...

...like her father.

Really? They are?

- Who has nails like these?

- Everybody.

Tomorrow, I would like to see

clean fingers.

You will wear stockings,

not tights, not socks,

and I never want to see

those shoes again.

When walking in a crowd,

one is under scrutiny all the time.

So we don't schlump like this.

We drop the shoulders,

we think tall.

We tuck under and we transfer

the weight from one foot to...

Princesses never

cross their legs in public.

Why don't you tuck one ankle

behind the other,

and place the hands

gracefully on the knees.

Charlotte, I think it's time for tea.

Tell me, how does my mother,

or any person for that matter,

go into a parent-teacher conference

and come out with a date?

Mr. O'Connell is not married,

he's not living with anyone,

plus he's not pierced,

tattooed or hair plugged.

Do you realize how rare a find that is

south of Market Street?

Did it ever occur to you that if you

dated one of my teachers,

it would give the other kids license

to mock me for the rest of my life?

You're right, I didn't and I'm sorry.

It's just that Patrick...

Mr. O'Connell,

he's such a nice man, a real gentleman,

and I haven't met one

of those in a long time.

OK. It's fine.

I can't do anything right any more,

can I?

- Come on, get her.

- In your face.

- Stop the ball.

- Come on.

Just block one, Mia.

- I can't do this, I'm a girl.

- What am I, a duck?

No, I mean...

You're an athletic girl.

I'm a synchronized swimming,

yoga doing,

horseback riding,

wall climbing type girl.

My hand-eye coordination is zero.

You can go later.

Josh, get in here.

Yeah, I'm in.

I was watching you earlier

and... you're way tense.

You gotta use your hands.

Don't just stand there.

You gotta go for it. You gotta think

like the ball, be the ball.

You gotta stop it,

know what I mean?

Bring it on.

Hey, Joe. I'm turning

the backseat into a dressing room

so I can change into

a proper outfit for Madame, OK?

- Yes, well don't forget the shoes.

- Thanks.

Strange town, San Francisco.

When I purchased the pumps,

they asked if I wanted them wrapped

or if I wanted to wear them.

All right, closing.

Going UP-

- You all right?

- I'm fine.

Going down.

I've never put on pantyhose,

but it sounds dangerous.

Grandma? Is it customary in Genovia

to imprison your dinner guests

with Hermes scarves?

It's Herms.

The scarf is merely a training tool.

Eventually you'll learn to sit

and eat properly without it.

Manners matter.

But enough etiquette for the day.

Now, Genovia does a lot of trade

with Spain,

- so we prepare for that.

- Sorry.

The quickest way

to a Spanish heart is dance.

Shall we?

What kind of dancing do you do?

Just normal kind, like...

I see.

We have a Genovian alternative.

The dances here are very sedate.

Right from the hips.

No bobbing of the head, please.

It's not a doggy on a dashboard.

Straight, straight, straight up.

Let's practice this here.

This dance is between

a waltz and a tango. You see?

- It's a wango?

- No.

Here we go.

Spin out and spin into me.

- OK.

- No. No, no, no.

Try again.

One more spin, very quickly.

Pull away.

That's it, good. Good attitude.

Spin in.

- Good.

- I did it?

- Yes.

- I spun without hurting anyone.

That's very good news.

Spin, spin. It's done.

Better. It's coming along.

- Now, you may go home.

- Thank you.

See you tomorrow.

Thank you.

You've been wearing black too long.

This is Coach Harbula.

You can sign up now

for the Baker beach party.

Sorry. Sorry... Sorry.

- Mia. Are you ready? Let's go.

- Sorry, I can't do it today.

I've got a grandma thing.

I'll call you, OK? Bye.

What, has your grandma turned into

the big bad wolf?

Cute, Jeremiah,

but a way to a girl's heart

is not by treating her

like a vending machine.

Get off the grass!

- Hi, Adolpho, I'm late.

- She's late.

- You're late.

- I know, I'm really sorry...

- Where is Paolo?

- Send in Paolo.

Always prompt.

- My assistants, Gretchen and Helga.

- Good afternoon.

We're so pleased

you could make yourself available.

Your Majesty.

We won't waste time,

let the work begin.

Of course.

Where is the beautiful girl?

My granddaughter, Amelia.

She is gorgeous.

Let us take a closer look.

We have a limited number of days

before the state dinner.

Frizzy, busy, dizzy...

in the best sense.

I would like your ladies to sign

our confidentiality agreement.

Majesty, they know what is a secret.

Excuse me, the Genovian press secretary

is waiting for your call.

Yes, of course.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to leave,

come back and be surprised.

Charlotte, watch him like a hawk.

So we begin, Principessa.

In Paolo's hands, remember,

you will be beautiful.

You have thick hair.

Like a wolf.

Is all right.

Do you wear contact lenses?

I have them,

but I don't like to wear them.

Now you do.

- You broke my glasses.

- You broke my brush.

Gretchen! Helga!

I love your eyebrows.

We'll call them Frida and Kahlo.

If Brooke Shields married Groucho Marx,

their child would have your eyebrows.

You want to know a big secret?

- Tell me.

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