The Princess Diaries Page #4

- The cucumber does nothing.

This is something we make up.

Majesty, Paolo is exhausted.

Only Paolo can take this and this,

- and give you...

- A princess.

Better. Much better.

Why don't we go and have

a wonderful cup of tea?

Come, Mia.

- Lilly, the car is here.

- I'm coming.

Thanks for the ride.

He)'-

What?

Michael, don't always think

you can get a ride with us...

Who destroyed you?

You think it looks that bad?

You look ridiculous, you should sue.

I know it's a little

straighter and shorter.

- Weirder.

- An attractive weirder.

- It's not attractive.

- Seatbelts.

What I can't understand,

you ditched me again when I needed help

on the Greenpeace petition.

This bag.

You have one of these bags?

We could hock that and feed

a whole third world country.

- Am I right?

- No.

If there are no more passengers,

we should close the door.

You used to care more about what was

inside your head instead of on it.

Come on, Mia. Fess up.

I don't know where you are these days,

and now you're an A-Crowd wannabe?

You're morphing into one of them.

Who knows, next week you could be

waving pompoms in my face.

You sold out.

Was my mirror fogging up or was

someone tearing back there?

- I'm fine.

- I'll go meet your grandmother.

You should know that no one can make

you feel inferior without your consent.

Eleanor Roosevelt said that.

Yes. Another special lady,

like yourself.

- I'll be back at 3 o'clock.

- Thank you.

She has a hat.

Do you really think wearing that hat

is gonna keep people from seeing

your new Lana-do?

Just because the student population

might be morally bankrupt

- doesn't mean they're blind.

- Lily! Just stop it, OK?

Just because your hair sucks,

get off mine.

Ouch, thank you.

Can you please pretend you have a life

for just one moment?

Hey. Relax. Breathe.

- What did you just say to me?

- You heard me.

I am so sick of you

ragging on me all the time

and always telling me what to do.

I get enough of that

from my mother and now my grandmother.

I don't need it from you.

I'm not an idiot. I know something's

going on you're not telling me.

Friends tell. So, you know what?

Here is your friendship charm.

I'm taking it off

and it's going in the dirt.

Don't do that. OK? Just...

- All right, just... Wait.

- Why?

I will tell you the truth, but you're

gonna think it's stupid and freak.

Try me.

Shut up!

Shut up! Shut up!

- Is that all you can say?

- I'm sorry I was harsh.

I don't know what else there is to say.

Will you come on my cable show?

I can't, this is a royal secret.

You can't tell anyone, not even Michael.

You are sworn to secrecy.

Secret handshake.

We might have to think

of a new secret handshake.

Are you sure you can run a country?

You barely keep your goldfish alive

for a couple of days.

I'm not sure of anything right now.

There are pros and cons

to being a princess.

Don't say that word, people can hear.

Class has begun.

I have a little surprise for you.

Pop quiz, French Revolution.

Mr. O'Connell.

There's a school rule that says

no hats in class.

I don't think anybody should be

an exception to that rule, do you?

No, Lana. Mia, I'm sorry,

hats are against the dress code.

What?

- Look who's trying to fit in now.

- It's a wig, right?

I think it looks really sweet.

Looks like she got a head transplant.

Well, I think it rocks,

and you know what?

Voltaire, hair.

I would personally

like to learn about Voltaire.

OK, Lilly.

Everybody settle down now.

Quiz time.

The roses are lovely,

but now we need fountains,

lights in the trees.

The Japanese Embassy has a waterfall,

why can't we have fountains?

- We have a fountain up there.

- I would like at least two in here.

- Just make me an Eden.

- Yes, ma'am.

Amelia, let's continue.

In your spare time,

I would like you to read these.

"What's in a name?

That which we call a rose by

any other word would smell as sweet."

And so, you wave to them

and acknowledge them gracefully.

Not quite so big,

it's very exhausting after awhile.

Very funny, dear. Try it properly.

Waving, even more gently.

You sort of say,

thank you for being here today.

- Thank you.

- Thank you for being here.

I'm sorry, ma'am. I must pick up

the Prime Minister. Excuse me.

Thank you for being here today.

So, this is considered art.

My parents did this in the '60s.

They had an exhibition at Woodstock.

I guess you're trying to bring it back?

This beats homework.

Some moms help their kids

with homework, you do this.

Nice shot.

I like it.

Bull's-eye.

This is more fun than princess lessons.

What're you doing Saturday night?

Are you guys playing?

Rehearsing some new things.

We got two new songs.

Oh yeah?

Plus, surprise,

we got the new parts for your 'stang.

We could put it together, together.

- Is this like a date?

- No.

- Music, cars...

- Would it include pizza?

Of course, pizza's a given.

- With M&M's?

- Wait up! Wait up for me.

Not you, I don't even know you.

- I am in

- Great.

- Saturday, it's on.

- Yeah, great. Hi.

Hey, Lill. What's up?

- What's happening over there?

- I don't know.

- What's going on?

- Maybe it's a protest.

Excuse me. Who are you waiting for?

There she is.

That's Mia Thermopolis.

- We're waiting for you.

- Right here, Princess.

- Did you tell?

- I didn't say anything.

Princess Mia,

who is your favorite actor?

Why are they calling her princess?

- What do you do about pimples?

- Let's just go.

Come on, Mia.

Let's get inside.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait.

The phone's ringing off the hook.

What?

Mia, your mother's on her way.

The Queen is coming.

To Grove High School.

- A limo with flags.

- The Genovian limousine has arrived.

The Queen is getting out.

Why all the secrets?

All we keep hearing is "no comment."

Do you have a comment?

Are you taking the Princess home?

Mom, I don't know who told on me.

We'll get to the bottom of this.

Here's your tea, your Majesty.

I'm sorry we don't have finer china.

- It's perfectly all right.

- Here.

Joseph.

- Speak.

- Paolo?

Majesty. It was I who told the press.

I outed you, so to speak.

I don't mean to imply...

But not for money.

Paolo hates money, he spits on money.

There was no money.

Well, there was some money.

A man like me. Each ring is...

The point is it was pride and ego

that drove me to know

that royalty would see one day

the beauty was mine,

the hair was mine.

That I, Paolo Puttanesca,

was responsible...

By the way, your hair, magnificent.

Next time we go lighter.

- Would you like to say anything?

- Isn't that just awful?

Doesn't anyone

respect royalty any more?

What is it like in Genovia,

Your Majesty?

Do people just fawn over you?

I wonder, would you give us

a moment alone?

- I'm the vice principal.

- Would you take this fine educator,

and show her your security plans

for Amelia's safety?

What?

Yes, of course.

- Your security system is a bit lax.

- Is it?

A week ago,

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