The Prisoner of Second Avenue Page #2

l'll make you a nice cup of tea.|l could use one myself.

Nothing is safe anymore.

l read two white mice|at Columbia University...

...got diabetes from eating graham crackers.|lt was in The New York Times.

That what's bothering you?

Did you eat graham crackers today?

Food used to be so good.

l used to love food.|l haven't eaten food since l was 1 3.

Tomorrow l'll make you real food.|l remember how they made it.

l haven't had a real piece of bread|for 30 years.

lf l'd known that, l'd have saved|some rolls when l was a kid.

l just can't breathe in here.

Christ, what a stink!

What the--?

Look at that. Fourteen stories,|you can smell the garbage.

Why do they put garbage out|in 84-degree heat?

Edna, you want to smell the garbage?

-l smell it.|-You can't smell it from there.

Come here where you can smell it.

-That a ripper?|-You're right.

lf you really want to smell it,|you have to stand right here.

Whole country's being buried by garbage,|keeps piling up higher and higher.

-ln three years, this will be the second floor.|-What can they do?

Save it for winter?|They gotta throw it out sometime.

That's why they call it garbage.

l can't talk to you.|l can't talk to you anymore!

l'm a human being, same as you.

l get cold, hot. l smell garbage,|l hear noise.

You either live with it or you get out.

lf you're a human being, you reserve|the right to complain, to protest.

Give up that right, you cease to exist!

l protest against stinking garbage|and jiggling toilets!

And barking dogs! Now, shut up!|Damn it.

lf you're gonna yell at the dog,|l'm gonna go to sleep.

How are you gonna sleep|with a dog screaming like that?

Keep that dog quiet down there.|There's human beings sleeping!

-Christ almighty.|-Shut up, down there!

-We got children up here!|-Why are you yelling at me?

-Want to complain? Keep the dog company.|-Just keep it quiet.

-Will you stop it, for God's sake?|-Stop telling me to stop it!

Now, don't tell me to stop it!

l don't know what's gotten into you,|but don't take it out on me.

lf it's too much, take a room at the library!|Don't take it out on me. l'm going to sleep.

Edna.

Don't go.

Talk to me.

For a few minutes.

l think l'm losing my mind.

What is it, Mel?

l'm unraveling.|l'm losing touch.

Something is happening to me.|l'm losing control.

l can't handle anything. l--

l forgot how to work the water cooler.

l stood there with an empty cup|and water running all over my shoes.

lt's not just you.|lt's everybody.

-Everybody's feeling tensions these days.|-Oh, tension.

God, if l could feel tension.|When you're tense, you're tight.

You're holding something.|l don't know where to grab.

l'm slipping. l'm scared.

Don't talk like that.

-Now, what about seeing the analyst again?|-Dr. Pake? He's dead.

Six years of my life and $23,000.

What does he care if he gets|a heart attack?

There are other good doctors.|See someone else.

What's the use? God, l don't know|where l am or who l am.

l'm disappearing, Edna.

l don't need an analyst.|l need lost and found.

-Who could that be?|-What?

l'll get it.

Hello. Yes, this--

Yeah, this is apartment 1 4A,|and what about it?

What? l'm keeping you awake?

Who the hell do you think got me up|to get you up in the first place?

What? Don't tell me you've got a plane|to Stuttgart in the morning.

l'll talk as loud as l want!|This isn't some kind of sublet, you know.

l'm a regular, American, paying tenant!

Think l--

You bang on the wall,|you'll get a bang right back.

-lf she bangs, bang back.|-What are you starting it for?

-Will you-- Bang back.|-lt's 2:30. Leave them alone.

-They'll go to sleep.|-Will you bang back?

-lf l bang, they'll only bang back at me!|-Will you bang back?

l'll bang. l'll bang.

All right?

Bang back.

Bang back.

Bang back!

Go on!

-Hi, Helen, any calls for me?|-No, Mr. Edison. No calls.

What's wrong?

-Mr. Brockman was fired this morning.|-Jim Brockman? Jesus.

Mr. Durstan called him into his office|about an hour ago.

Guess you'll be sharing me|with Mr. Durstan now.

Yeah, yeah. Sure.

Yes, Mr. Durstan?

Yes. Right away. Yeah.

Mel?

-Are you all right?|-What?

-What are you doing?|-Just thinking.

-About what?|-Nothing.

That's not possible. lf you're thinking,|it's about something.

-Otherwise, you're just staring.|-l was just thinking.

Why don't we relax this weekend?

Your brother Harry invited us|out to the country.

l'm not going.|Four-hour drive each way.

Another four hours listening|to how big his pool is.

A day away from this|might be wonderful for you.

-Fresh air--|-He'll give me breathing lessons.

Every time l go to the country,|Harry gives me breathing lessons.

l told him we'd come.

Then why ask me? Just say|we're going to Harry's on Sunday...

...to look at his pool|and learn how to breathe.

We're going to Harry's on Sunday to look|at his pool and learn how to breathe.

Christ, l forgot about those dogs.|They're killers.

Oh, they're not.|They're sweet like their own kids.

l'm afraid of their kids too.

-Hello.|-Here they are.

-Hello! Hello!|-Welcome to the country, city folks.

-Hello. Hello.|-How are you?

-Harry. Harry!|-Hello, Harry.

Oh, Harry!

Be careful.|There's some poison ivy around here.

-Why are we walking here?|-Because it's beautiful.

This is all my property we're walking on.|These are my bushes, my trees, my earth.

-These your mosquitoes?|-Gnats. They're not mosquitoes.

-Gnats?|-We don't have mosquitoes.

l'm glad they're just gnats.|They don't bother you, huh?

They don't bother me,|l don't bother them.

-They bother people from the city.|-ls that poison ivy?

-Where?|-Right there.

No, no, no. That's weeds.|That's just weeds.

Where you're standing is poison ivy.

Organic. This is all organic.

You don't get organic vegetables|in the city, do you?

l don't know what it is. l boil it, we eat it,|l throw the paper away and we feel rotten.

Well, of course.|l'm gonna teach you to grow vegetables.

You can do it on your terrace.

Now, first thing you have to learn...

...is to get yourself into the soil.

Come on, now.|Just get right into the soil.

lt's wonderful.

-Feel like a little swim, Mel, huh?|-Maybe later.

Maybe later, a little swim.|How big you think that pool is, Mel?

-Go on. Take a guess.|-You told me last time.

lt's 40 by 1 5.

Fifty by 1 5. l had it enlarged.

l could get 1 60 people in there.

You really want to, Harry?

You're upset about something.

You look pale, Mel, tired. You should have|come out here weeks ago.

-You okay, kid?|-Harry, l'm 48. l'm hardly a kid anymore.

l'm 55, and l feel like a kid.|l have ever since l moved out of the city.

Breathe that air in.|Fill your lungs.

-lt'll stay with you a week.|-l'll do it before we go. lt'll last longer.

l've got the lungs of a 25-year-old boy.|l've got the x-rays inside.

You want to see them?

Maybe after lunch.

After lunch.

How long have l tried to get you|to move to the country?

Fresh air, low crime rate.

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