The Producers Page #14

BLOOM:

(defensively)

Don't try to stop me. I've made up

my mind.

BIALYSTOCK:

What are you doing with those books?

Where are you going?

BLOOM:

(with hysterical conviction)

I'm turning myself in. It's the

only way. I'm going to cooperate

with the authorities. They'll

reduce my sentence and then there's

time off for good behavior. And

maybe I'll get a job in the prison

library. So long.

82.

HE TURNS THE KNOB. THE DOOR IS LOCKED. HE FIDDLES WITH THE

CATCH. TOO LATE! BIALYSTOCK IS UP AND AT HIM IN A FLASH.

HE BLOCKS THE DOOR.

BIALYSTOCK:

(reasonably)

Leo, take it easy. Relax, you're

overwrought. You don't know what

you're doing. You're acting out of

panic... GIMME THOSE BOOKS!

BIALYSTOCK LUNGES AT BLOOM AND GRABS FOR THE BOOKS. BLOOM

STILL RETAINS A FIRM HOLD. THEY STRUGGLE BACK AND FORTH.

BLOOM:

I never should have listened to you.

BIALYSTOCK:

I never should have listened to you.

BLOOM:

Ohhhhhhhhh, how I hate you.

BIALYSTOCK:

Double. Double. Double.

WITH A MIGHTY WRENCH, BIALYSTOCK RIPS THE BOOKS OUT OF

BLOOM'S HANDS.

BIALYSTOCK:

(clutching the books triumphantly)

Haaaaa! Haaaaa! Haaaaa!

BLOOM FLIPS. HE ATTACKS BIALYSTOCK LIKE A CRAZY KID,

SCREAMING HYSTERICALLY AND PUNCHING WITH ONE ARM AS HE

PROTECTS HIS FACE WITH THE OTHER.

BLOOM:

(shrieking)

FAT! FAT! FAT! FAT! FAT!

BIALYSTOCK GOES CRASHING TO THE FLOOR UNDER THE ONSLAUGHT.

BLOOM DIVES ON TOP OF HIM. THEY ROLL ON THE FLOOR LOCKED IN

MORTAL COMBAT. SUDDENLY THREE SHOTS RING OUT IN SUCCESSION.

BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM IMMEDIATELY STOP WHAT THEY'RE DOING AND

TURN TOWARD THE DOOR.

CUT TO LOCK AND HANDLE OF DOOR. THEY DROP OFF. A LITTLE

SMOKE RISES FROM THE HOLE.

LIEBKIND:

(off screen, outside door)

I am betrayed!

83.

BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM LOOK AT EACH OTHER.

CUT TO THE DOOR. IT FLIES OPEN. FRAMED IN THE DOORWAY IS

FRANZ LIEBKIND, SMOKING LUGER IN HAND.

LIEBKIND:

(solemnly)

You have broken the Siegfried Oath.

You must die.

HE BLASTS AWAY. THE WINDOW IS SHATTERED. PIECES OF WALL GO

WHIZZING THROUGH THE AIR. BIALYSTOCK DROPS THE LEDGERS AND

HE AND BLOOM DIVE FOR COVER BEHIND THE DESK.

LIEBKIND:

This is no good. I'm not killing

you. Don't you understand, you

have broken the Siegfried Oath.

You must die. Vill you cooperate!!!

CUT TO TIGHT TWO SHOT. BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM SCRUNCHED

BEHIND DESK. THEY STARE AT EACH OTHER IN AMAZEMENT. THERE

IS A TIMOROUS KNOCK AT THE DOOR.

BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM

(together)

Come in. Come in.

ULLA ENTERS.

ULLA:

I hear noise. You call?

SHE LOOKS AROUND.

ULLA:

Where are you?

SHE CONTINUES WALKING UNTIL SHE SEES THEM CROUCHED BEHIND

THE DESK.

ULLA:

Ahhh. I see you. You like

something? Coffee?

BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM LOOK AT EACH OTHER IN DISBELIEF.

BIALYSTOCK:

Coffee. Yes. That's a good idea.

(with great emphasis)

Why don't you ask the gentleman

with the gun... The gentleman who

is shooting at us... and trying to

kill us... what he will have.

84.

ULLA:

(to Liebkind)

You like coffee?

CUT TO BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM. THEY STARE AT EACH OTHER,

DUMBFOUNDED.

LIEBKIND:

Yes, please. Black. Two sugars.

ULLA REPEATS TO HERSELF AS SHE STARTS FOR THE DOOR.

ULLA:

Three coffees. Two regular. One

black... two sugars.

SHE EXITS AND CLOSES THE DOOR BEHIND HIM.

BIALYSTOCK LOOKS UP TO THE FATES AND MAKES A SMALL SOUND OF

DESPAIR.

LIEBKIND:

And now ve must resume hostilities.

Are you coming out from behind that

desk or not?

BIALYSTOCK:

Not.

LIEBKIND:

Cowards, miserable cringing cowards.

Clinging to life like baby

butterflies. Vatch, vatch and

remember. Franz Liebkind vill show

you how to die like a man!

HE PLACES THE MUZZLE OF THE GUN AGAINST HIS TEMPLE. BLOOM

AND BIALYSTOCK PEER OVER THE DESK TO SEE.

LIEBKIND:

(exhalted)

Soon I vill be vit mine Fuhrer, und

Goering, und Goebbels, and Himmler.

I'm coming boys!

HE PULLS THE TRIGGER. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. THE GUN IS

JAMMED. HE THROWS THE GUN DOWN IN DISGUST.

LIEBKIND:

(in utter anguish)

Boy, vhen things go wrong!

HE FALLS INTO A CHAIR AND SOBS LIKE A CHILD.

85.

LIEBKIND:

I'm a failure. I'm a failure. I'm

a failure.

BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM COME OUT FROM BEHIND DESK. BIALYSTOCK

LOOKS AT HIS WATCH.

BIALYSTOCK:

Five o'clock. Killed a whole day

playing hide-and-seek with a crazy

Kraut.

BIALYSTOCK PICKS UP LUGER.

LIEBKIND:

(still sobbing)

I'm not crazy. I'm inept.

HE CONTINUES TO SOB. BLOOM WALKS OVER TO THE WEEPING

LIEBKIND AND COMFORTINGLY PATS HIM ON THE SHOULDER.

BLOOM:

There, there.

LIEBKIND:

(looking around)

Vhere? Vhere?... oh...

BIALYSTOCK:

(to Liebkind)

You crazy lunatic! What are you

shooting at us for? Why don't you

use this

(indicates gun)

where it will do us some good? Why

don't you shoot the actors?

(the thought strikes home)

Liebkind, have I ever steered you

wrong?

LIEBKIND:

Always.

BIALYSTOCK:

Never mind. Listen. Every night

people are laughing at your beloved

Fuhrer. Why?

LIEBKIND:

It's that LSD und his verdampter

babies!...

86.

BIALYSTOCK:

(handing him the gun

and some money)

Here. Buy bullets. Kill. Kill

them all!

BLOOM:

What???

BIALYSTOCK:

(to Bloom)

Shut up.

LIEBKIND:

Yes. The actors. I must destroy

the actors.

LIEBKIND STARTS TO GO.

BLOOM:

Stop! Stop! This is insanity.

HE LEAPS ACROSS THE ROOM AND WRENCHES THE GUN FROM LIEBKIND'S

HAND.

BLOOM:

(screaming)

Have you lost your mind? What are

you talking about? Kill the actors.

You can't kill the actors --

they're not animals, they're human

beings!

BIALYSTOCK:

They are? Have you ever eaten with

one? Liebkind, go! Kill!

BLOOM:

Liebkind, no!

BIALYSTOCK:

(to Bloom)

What are you doing? We're trapped.

It's either the show or us. There's

no way out. What can we do, blow

up the theatre?

BIALYSTOCK FREEZES AS THE THOUGHT TAKES HOLD.

CUT TO CLOSE-UP OF BLOOM. HIS EYES NARROW AS HE SERIOUSLY

CONSIDERS THE PROPOSAL.

CUT TO CLOSE-UP LIEBKIND. HIS FACE A POSTER OF SHINING

APPROVAL.

87.

CAMERA PULLS BACK. THE THREE OF THEM SEARCH EACH OTHER'S

FACES EARNESTLY. THEY ARE OBVIOUSLY IN ACCORD.

FADE OUT:

FADE IN. DARKENED CELLAR OF THEATRE. WE SEE THE FAINT GLOW

OF A SHIELDED LAMP AT THE END OF A TUNNEL. AS THE CAMERA

MOVES THROUGH TUNNEL CLOSER AND CLOSER TO THE LIGHT, WE MAKE

OUT THE SHADOWY FORMS OF THREE MEN.

CAMERA DOLLIES IN TO REVEAL BIALYSTOCK, BLOOM AND LIEBKIND.

BLOOM IS HOLDING A MINER'S LAMP. LIEBKIND IS TRYING BRICK

LOOSE FROM WALL. BIALYSTOCK IS CONSULTING MAP. BRICK COMES

LOOSE. LIEBKIND REMOVES IT.

LIEBKIND:

(the surgeon at work)

Dynamite.

BLOOM SLAPS A NEATLY TAPED BUNDLE OF DYNAMITE INTO LIEBKIND'S

HAND. LIEBKIND GENTLY PLACES IT IN OPENING.

LIEBKIND:

Fuse cap.

BIALYSTOCK REACHES INTO HIS POCKET AND HANDS HIM A FUSE CAP.

LIEBKIND PUTS CAP IN PLACE.

LIEBKIND:

Fuse.

BLOOM REACHES IN POCKET, TAKES OUT SPOOL OF FUSE, HANDS IT

TO LIEBKIND.

LIEBKIND:

Thank you.

LIEBKIND TIES FUSE IN PLACE.

LIEBKIND:

Gut. Now for the master connection.

CAMERA FOLLOWS THEM AS THEY MOVE BACK THROUGH THE TUNNEL.

LIEBKIND TRAILS FUSE FROM SPOOL. THEY FINALLY EMERGE INTO

AN OPEN AREA OF CELLAR DIRECTLY BENEATH THE STAGE.

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