The Producers Page #15

LIEBKIND:

Gut. Now vhere's the other fuse?

BLOOM RAISES HIS LAMP, REVEALING A SIMILAR TUNNEL ON THE

OTHER SIDE OF THE CELLAR.

BLOOM:

There it is.

88.

CAMERA INSERT:
CLOSE-UP SIMILAR FUSE PROTRUDING FROM SECOND

TUNNEL.

BACK TO SCENE.

LIEBKIND:

(to Bloom)

Pick it up and bring it here, please.

BLOOM:

Okay.

HE STARTS TOWARD SECOND TUNNEL.

LIEBKIND:

(anxiously)

Where are you going vit the light?

BLOOM:

I need it. How'm I gonna find the

fuse?

LIEBKIND:

Oh, ve come vit you. All for one

and all in the light.

THE THREE OF THEM GINGERLY TIPTOE OVER TO SECOND TUNNEL

ENTRANCE. BLOOM PICKS UP THE FUSE. THEY TIPTOE BACK.

BLOOM HANDS FUSE TO LIEBKIND.

LIEBKIND REACHES INTO HIS KNAPSACK, TAKES OUT LITTLE BLACK

METAL BOX WITH TWO TERMINAL CAPS AT EITHER END AND SETS IT

DOWN ON CELLAR FLOOR.

LIEBKIND:

Now ve take the two fuse leads,

attach them to the terminals of the

conductor and ve're in business.

BIALYSTOCK:

(grinning)

You mean out of business. Heh, heh.

LIEBKIND BEGINS FIDDLING WITH THE FUSE LEADS AND TERMINALS.

BLOOM:

Max, I...

BIALYSTOCK:

(irritated. He has

not time for small talk)

What is it?

89.

BLOOM:

Well, I... Well, it's just that...

I'm sorry I called you fat, fat, fat.

BIALYSTOCK:

(smacking Bloom

affectionately on the shoulder)

Ahhhhhh. Leo, Leo, Leo.

LIEBKIND:

(mumbling to himself)

Plus to minus. Negative to positive.

Male to...

BIALYSTOCK:

Come on. Let's get going.

LIEBKIND:

Qviet. Qviet This is very

important.

HE TURNS BACK TO HIS WORK.

LIEBKIND:

Vait a minute. Vait a minute.

Male to male? Male to female?

Female to male? Female to female?

Vait a minute. In people, male to

female. But electricity is strange.

It's male to male.

HE QUICKLY FINISHES THE CONNECTION.

LIEBKIND:

Sehr gut.

(to Bialystock)

Slow fuse, please.

BIALYSTOCK REACHES INTO HIS POCKET AND HANDS LIEBKIND A ROLL

OF FUSE.

LIEBKIND:

Thank you.

HE BEGINS TYING SLOW FUSE TO CONDUCTOR.

LIEBKIND:

(as he works)

Now ve take the slow fuse. Tie one

end to the master connection and

the other ve attach to the detonator.

HE FINISHES CONNECTIONS.

90.

LIEBKIND:

Come, ve go to the detonator.

THEY BEGIN TO MOVE BACK AS LIEBKIND SLOWLY SPOOLS OUT FUSE.

THEY START UP THE STAIRS.

LIEBKIND:

Vait a minute. Are you sure this

is slow fuse? It feels like qvick

fuse.

(to Bloom)

Shine your light on it.

BLOOM SHINES LIGHT ON FUSE.

LIEBKIND:

I don't know. I don't know. The

markings are so similar. Qvick

fuse or slow fuse?

LIEBKIND TAKES A WOODEN MATCH OUT OF HIS POCKET.

LIEBKIND:

I must find out. It is critical.

HE STRIKES THE MATCH AND LIGHTS THE FUSE. WHOOSH! IT

IGNITES. THE SPARKS RUSH TOWARD THE MASTER CONNECTION.

LIEBKIND CHARGES DOWN THE STAIRS AND CHASES AFTER THE QUICK

BURNING FUSE FOR ALL HE'S WORTH. HE CATCHES UP WITH IT JUST

BEFORE IT REACHES THE MASTER CONNECTION AND QUICKLY STAMPS

IT OUT.

LIEBKIND:

Let's face it. That was dumb.

HE TROTS BACK.

LIEBKIND:

Boys, vhere is you?

BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM COME CRAWLING OUT FROM BEHIND STAIRS.

LIEBKIND:

(seeing them)

Dot vas the qvick one.

BIALYSTOCK:

We assumed that.

LIEBKIND REACHES INTO HIS POCKET AND SHOWS THEM A ROLL OF

FUSE.

91.

LIEBKIND:

Here. You see. This is the slow

fuse. It is much wider. It has

more resistance, more density.

Therefore, it burns slower.

BIALYSTOCK:

You mean you had the slow fuse in

your pocket all the time and you

forgot to put it on?

LIEBKIND:

Yes. Amazing isn't it?

BIALYSTOCK RAISES HIS CANE AND SMASHES LIEBKIND ON THE

HELMET. BONNNG.

BIALYSTOCK:

You stupid kraut!

LIEBKIND:

Vhy do you always call me kraut?

Kraut is cabbage! Do ve call you

hot dogs? Ve call you Yanks not

franks!

BIALYSTOCK:

All right. Finish the job. Let's

get outta here.

CUT TO SIDE DOOR OF THEATRE. THE DOOR OPENS SLOWLY.

BIALYSTOCK, BLOOM AND LIEBKIND TIPTOE OUT. BLOOM SETS

DETONATOR DOWN.

LIEBKIND:

Und now for the final connection.

HE WRAPS THE FUSE LEAD AROUND THE METAL CONTACT POLE AND

RAISES THE PLUNGER.

BIALYSTOCK:

Wait. I'll check to see if the

coast is clear.

HE RUNS TO THE END OF THE ALLEY. LOOKS BOTH WAYS AND RUNS

BACK.

BIALYSTOCK:

The coast is clear!

LIEBKIND:

Good. Get down.

92.

BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM CROUCH DOWN AND HOLD THEIR EARDRUMS.

LIEBKIND GRABS THE HANDLE OF THE DETONATOR. HIS EYES

SUDDENLY GLISTEN WITH TEARS.

LIEBKIND:

Goodbye, my foolish fancy. Goodbye,

my misbegotten child. Goodbye, my

tortured testament of twisted truths.

BIALYSTOCK:

Do it! Do it!

LIEBKIND TENSES HIMSELF FOR THE PLUNGE. HE STARTS AND STOPS.

LIEBKIND:

I can't. I can't do it. It's a

demon. It's a gargoyle, it's a

monster... but it's still my child.

HE SOBS INCONSOLABLY. BIALYSTOCK ROUGHLY PUSHES HIM ASIDE

AND GRABS THE HANDLE OF THE DETONATOR AND PLUNGES IT DOWN.

HE HURLS HIMSELF TO THE GROUND AND COVERS HIS HEAD IN

ANTICIPATION OF THE EXPLOSION. NOTHING HAPPENS. AFTER A

WHILE THEY ALL RAISE THEIR HEADS CURIOUSLY.

BIALYSTOCK:

(quizzically)

Nothing.

LIEBKIND GOES TO PLUNGER, RAISES HANDLE AND EXAMINES

DETONATOR.

LIEBKIND:

Here is gut... of course, of course.

In electricity, it's always male to

female. But with people, it's not

always so. Come ve must go back.

BIALYSTOCK:

Do you need us?

LIEBKIND:

Of course I need you. It's dark in

there.

BLOOM:

Okay, okay. Let's not waste time.

THEY OPEN THE SIDE DOOR AND DISAPPEAR INTO THE THEATRE.

DRUNK:

(off camera, singing)

"Honeymoon, keep a shinin' in June,"

93.

CUT TO ENTRANCE OF ALLEY. DRUNK COMES STAGGERING INTO VIEW.

HE SPOTS DETONATOR.

DRUNK:

"your silvery beams,

Will light love's dreams," What

the heck is that? A bicycle pump?

Naaah. Lemme see. Could it be?

Good grief, it's Eli Whitney's

cotton gin... Naaah. Aahh, I know

what it is.

HE WALKS OVER TO DETONATOR AND SITS ON FIRE STANCHION JUST

BEHIND IT. HE RAISES HIS FOOT AND STARTS IT DOWN TOWARD THE

PLUNGER.

DRUNK:

Shine 'em up!

HE PUSHES PLUNGER DOWN WITH HIS FOOT.

CUT TO LONG SHOT OF THEATRE. (MOCK UP) THERE IS A TERRIFIC

EXPLOSION. PIECES OF THE THEATRE GO FLYING THROUGH THE AIR.

CUT TO TIGHT SHOT OF DRUNK. HE IS ON HIS KNEES. DEBRIS

CRASHES ALL AROUND HIM. SMOKE AND NOISE FILL THE AIR. HE

STAGGERS TO HIS FEET. HE ROCKS BACK AND FORTH AS THOUGH HE

WERE IN AN EARTHQUAKE.

DRUNK:

(bravely singing)

"Sa-an Fra-ancisco, open your

golden gates,

Don't let a stranger wait...

DISSOLVE TO TIGHT SHOT OF JUDGE'S GAVEL SOLEMNLY RAPPING FOR

ORDER.

PULL BACK TO REVEAL CROWDED COURTROOM.

CAMERA MOVES IN TO FOREGROUND OF COURT. THERE, SEATED AT

THE DEFENDANT'S TABLE ARE, IN ORDER, BLOOM WITH HIS ARM IN A

SLING, BIALYSTOCK WITH HIS LEG IN A CAST, AND A MUMMY

SWATHED IN BANDAGES. WE KNOW THE MUMMY IS LIEBKIND BECAUSE

IT IS WEARING A GERMAN HELMET.

LIEBKIND:

(mumbling through his bandages)

Male to male? Male to female?

CUT TO TIGHT SHOT OF JUDGE.

JUDGE:

Has the jury reached a verdict?

94.

CUT TO JURY. THEIR EXPRESSIONS INDICATE THAT THEY ARE NOT

AT ALL WELL-DISPOSED TOWARD THE DEFENDANTS.

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