The Pumpkin Eater Page #4

to Tenerife?

Why don't you go to Cannes?

Why Tenerife? Where is Tenerife?

Why the hell don't you go to Cannes?

Or Portofino?

Why Tenerife?

Come on, quick! Dad!

Where's the boy? Hello.

Where's Mummy?

There.

Come on. Come on. Let's go.

Elizabeth, give me that parceI.

Here. It's supposed to be lucky.

Hey, don't open those all at once.

- None of you have been good.

- Yes, we have!

- They've got our names on!

- What?

- Did you see any elephants?

- Of course.

- What's in here?

- I don't know. You open it.

- Did you see any lions?

- Yes.

Mm... Who put all the soda in that?

- I got a star for spelling!

- There's a speciaI one for you.

Cor! Thanks, Dad!

What's in here?

I'm all right now.

Darling,

I wish you'd been there.

It was a marvellous place.

- Was it?

- Come here.

Hurst and Beth hated each other

on sight, of course.

- Did they?

- Mm.

Some ridiculous business

about a cameI.

He got her up on this cameI.

Pure spite, of course.

She was dead drunk. Anyway...

Give it to me!

It's mine! Give it to me!

I'm going to tell about you! Cry-baby!

I'm going to tell on you!

- So, what happened?

- Hm?

Well, what was so funny was

really what she was wearing.

- On the cameI?

- Mm. What she had...

Mark!

What are you doing?

Nothing!

- We've got lunch ready soon for you.

- Mm.

- Bit of a racket.

- Saturday morning.

- Turn one of those off!

- I had mine on first!

I said turn one of those off,

this minute!

It doesn't matter.

Turn them both off!

- Tell me about it.

- What?

- About the cameI, and...

- It's pretty uninteresting, really.

What's the matter?

- You' re not going to cry, are you?

- No.

There's nothing to cry about,

is there?

- Look, why don't we ask them out?

- Who?

- All of them. Tonight.

- Tonight?

Yes. Why not? All of them.

- Who?

- Hurst, the Conways, all of them.

Then I can find out all about it

properly. Come on.

No. You don't want that lot

around here tonight.

- Anyway, they' re probably not free.

- Well, ring and find out.

- Do you want to?

- Yes, I do.

I'll ring.

- What's the Conways' number?

- Hey!

Have you been having an affair

with that doctor or something?

Yes. How did you know?

What are you up to, hm?

ProfessionaI people

are just a lot of bloody parasites.

The lot of them - doctors, lawyers...

You know what I mean.

Parsons. The whole bloody crew.

Now, I call myself a tradesman

because, in my opinion, it's the only

thing left to respect in this world.

Yes, in my honest opinion.

An honest tradesman is the only

thing left to respect in this world.

A man like me, for instance,

a common or garden stockbroker.

The rest of them

are just a lot of bloody frauds.

What do you think?

Come on, what do you think?

- Well, I...

- What?

Excuse me a second.

You want another drink.

Well, you see, there was this man.

All his life, the one thing

he wanted more than anything else

was to beat a woman.

No, no. It's quite true.

Really. It's a true story.

The one thing he really wanted to do.

But he never met anybody

who wanted him to do it, you see.

But actually, he was a very nice chap.

- How's things?

- Oh, fabulous!

Dad's really with it tonight, isn't he?

I didn't know Beth Conway was

blonde. I thought she was red.

She's lovely, isn't she?

Isn't she smiling at you?

- Have you spoken to her?

- Here you are, dear.

- Oh, thank you.

- Well, who's this?

- My mother.

- Really?

Hello. Just a minute.

It's got nothing to do with you,

darling.

It has absolutely everything to do

with me, as a matter of fact.

- You really are terribly masculine.

- Am I really?

"There's nothing I'd love more

in the whole world. "

Well, he couldn't believe his ears!

I had three showers a day

absolutely every single day.

What were the peasants like?

Extraordinarily

interesting. Fascinating faces.

Lots of character, I suppose.

- Lots, lots.

- Peasants usually do have.

After all that,

at last they stood there,

stark-naked,

looking at each other, you know.

He had the cane in his hand!

And then suddenly, to his amazement,

to his horror and amazement,

he saw that

she was holding a cane, too!

"What's all this?" he said.

And suddenly she thwacked him

with all her might!

Argh!

You know the man!

Darling, Beth wants your advice. I've

told her you know all about children.

Well, I wouldn't say that.

What my wife needs is

another half-dozen, and quick.

- Did you like Morocco?

- Oh, it was quite fun.

Quite fun, really.

ProfessionaI people

are just a lot of bloody parasites.

Doctors, lawyers, parsons.

You know what I mean, Jake.

The whole bloody lot of them.

Now, I call myself a tradesman,

because it's the only thing left

to respect, in my honest opinion.

An honest tradesman's the only

thing left to respect in this world.

My honest opinion.

- You'd say that in all honesty?

- In all honesty, Jake.

In complete honesty, old boy.

You ask Beth.

She knows that I mean what I say.

Ask her.

My husband

always means what he says.

Does yours?

You'd better ask him.

He writes film scripts beautifully

anyway, doesn't he?

He's got such, oh, extraordinary

understanding, such swift...

you know,

kind of illumination of people.

Some of the scenes with John

actually really made me cry.

You must have got sand in your eye.

Lots of sand in Morocco,

was there?

Mm.

- Another drink?

- I'm fine.

- Mr Conway?

- No.

- I don't think I will, thank you.

- I will.

I looked after our baby girI

when Beth was away.

- How did she respond to that?

- How did she respond?

I'm her father.

She's an intelligent woman, your wife.

Oh, no. I'm not at all.

I think he's right.

You look very intelligent.

I like intelligent women.

They' re stimulating.

And vitaI. VitaI.

- That's what makes them intelligent.

- Yes.

It depends which way you look at it.

Jake's got an idea for a new film.

It takes place on the Italian Riviera.

We could all go,

all of us together, the four of us.

Well, think what fun we could have!

- They've nearly finished the house.

- Have they?

Good.

You' re a marvellous colour.

It was hot.

You smell of the sun.

- Do you think she's attractive?

- Who?

- Beth.

- Oh.

She's all right, I suppose.

I need you.

What about those Arab women?

- I can't begin to tell you.

- Did they like you?

Wouldn't leave me alone.

Did they touch you like this?

Jo! Jo!

- Where's Mummy?

- She's upstairs, finding more plates.

- I want my ball!

- After tea.

Jo!

Mummy! Mummy!

- Can I have the big red ball?

- What?

- Mark wants the big red ball.

- Here it is.

Catch!

- Going to throw it at Sharon!

- Bertie, Bertie, run!

- What are you looking at?

- The barn.

- Does anybody live there?

- No.

- I don't think so.

- I love you.

He was such a good man.

Nobody knew how good he was.

Have you told Jake yet?

He was very fond of George.

And George was fond of him.

- George really was fond of him.

- I know.

He didn't care for the others much,

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