The Relationtrip Page #2

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I just didn't want

Shane to yell at me.

He whispers when he yells.

It's like a thousand

times scarier.

I can see that.

Well, I really liked it.

Thanks.

Also, I really like

PB and Js.

Oh.

Kind of a connoisseur.

A connoisseur of PB and J?

I'm no connoisseur.

Buddy and I just used to get really

high and want PB and J, that's all.

Ooh. I'm PB and jelly.

Like jealous?

No, I understood it.

I just didn't wanna...

- That was just bad.

- That was just bad. Yeah.

Don't explain the jokes.

Okay.

Um, well...

- Cool show.

- Thank you.

Thanks. I appreciate that.

Hey, here's to my only fan,

and apparently my

new best friend.

Mm. I am Beck.

Liam.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

So Bobby just got us invited to

this warehouse party downtown,.

Apparently there's

a hundred year old leprechaun

that's drinking Rose out of

an ice dick lute.

But like a real leprechaun.

- Not a fake leprechaun.

- I get it. I get it.

- I mean...

- Really, it's too much.

Oh.

Hi.

Hi. Heh.

Cool, guys. I think

Liam and I are just gonna go

grab some tacos or something.

Oh, cool. You and, um...

Liam!

Liam. Hi, Liam.

Okay, that's fine.

Thanks.

Yeah. Maybe I'll just,

like, see you later, or...

- Yeah. Bye, Liam.

- Maybe...

Nice to meet you guys.

Bye.

[Franklin] Have fun!

You like tacos, right?

- So, like, one day...

- Mm...

We're all playing Mario Kart,

and the next,

Buddy and Sara are married,

and they have a house, and they

look forward to trips to West Elm.

It's the same thing

with Franklin. I mean...

He's not even

Franklin anymore.

He's just like this

weird version of Franklin.

He's like Bobby's

boyfriend Franklin.

And on the off chance I can

get Buddy and Sara to play

Mario Kart with me,

they won't even shoot

each other with shells.

Which means they're saving

their shells for me.

- Oh, God.

- I mean, that's not fair.

No.

It's like I'm just

trying to stay alive

while everyone is

cruising to the finish.

Dude, we are

bringing up the rear,

slipping on banana peels as

everyone else is laughing at us.

Right. Hey, man.

- Can we have two more?

- [man] Yeah, sure.

- Thanks.

- You know what?

I don't even want that.

- No more?

- Hmm?

- No tacos?

- Oh, no, no.

Yes. I mean, yes.

Always tacos.

I mean, I don't want to

be that, you know,

Beck in a relationship

version of Beck.

I just wanna be Beck.

You know?

Beck Beck.

Beck Beck's cool.

Why change that?

- Exactly.

- Thanks, man.

Hey, you know what?

If I played you in Mario Kart,

I'd freakin' blast you

with shells.

Dude, that's like the nicest

thing anyone's ever said to me.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

It's like feeling this

pressure from people

who want us to find someone

and get in a relationship.

Oh, of course.

Hi, I'm Beck.

Wanna get married?

- F*** that, man. Right?

- Pathetic. Mm-hmm.

I like being, like,

a weird loner guy.

You know what?

It really suits you.

We should hang out.

And be weird

loner guys together.

- Okay.

- I'm serious.

- Okay.

- Let's freaking get out of here.

I mean, go away for

the weekend.

- All right. Where are we going?

- I don't know.

Someplace cool.

It's workable.

Sure.

And just some place away

from all the shell-hoarding,

boyfriend, girlfriend

versions of people people.

- Oh, I'm down for that.

- Yeah?

- Oh, I'm down.

- Okay.

Okay. Let's play a game.

Uh-oh, he's moving.

- On the count of three...

- Yeah.

We'll both say a place.

Same place, that's where

we're gonna go.

- Oh, I like this.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, do it.

- Okay.

- Let's go.

- I'll start?

Hit me, come on.

- One, three...

- Two...

- Disneyland.

- Switzerland.

- Sh*t.

- That's close.

- So...

- What about the desert?

You know what? I've never

been to the desert.

- Yeah?

- That's crazy.

- Yes, the desert.

- Okay.

Let's go to the desert.

We'll get a house,

we'll hang out.

Like a couple of cool

independent people people.

Perfect.

- Logistics.

- Talk to me.

- Two bedroom.

- Duh.

- And a pool.

- Double duh.

- And an espresso machine.

- Sold.

When do you wanna go?

- So, to recap.

- Mm-hmm.

We're just two totally normal,

totally cool,

independent people people

doing our own totally

normal, totally cool

independent people

people thing together.

Exactly.

No funny business.

Thank you. No deep conversations

over storied pasts.

Yeah, right. While looking

up into the night sky.

This is called a friendship

friend trip.

A friendship

friend trip.

I like it.

It's a little hard to say,

we'll workshop.

- I kind of felt that, too.

- Okay.

We'll work on it.

Allow me.

Thank you.

[straining]

- Titties.

- Got it?

Yes.

Friendship friend trip!

[upbeat music playing]

We'll workshop that, too.

I'll work on that.

Okay. Is it more like a

cactus or Cameron Diaz?

Cactus.

Cactus or...

plastic bag?

Plastic bag.

Okay.

Plastic bag or...

a condom?

Ooh, ooh. Uh...

Mm... condom.

- [Beck] Ee...

- Yep.

[Beck] Okay.

Condom or...

A balloon animal?

Definitely balloon animal.

- Really?

- Yep.

Okay. A balloon animal or...

Oh! A child-sized

froggy inner tube.

Got it!

She got it!

- Come on, this is what you picked?

- Yeah.

What else am I gonna pick

in the car?

That's freaking true.

Well... made it out

alive.

- That bad?

- Oh, yeah.

Grossest bathroom ever.

I believe someone was

recently murdered in there.

Yeah, I could have

told you that.

Wait a second.

Is that why you

brought me out here?

[gasps dramatically] No!

The Rest Stop Killer

strikes again!

[Beck screaming]

Love

I'm never gonna

Fall in love

No, I don't ever want that

Rub your back

Share my snack

Stupid love

I like you

But I am never gonna

Like, like you

Better believe I'll never Lose

a freaking ounce Of sleep

Wondering if you

Like me, too

Oh, lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-love

Is so du-du-du-du-dumb

I just li-li-li-li-li-li-like

To be left al-lo-lo-lo-lone

Lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-love

Is so du-du-du-du-dumb

Please leave me alone

[music stops]

Dude!

Most legitimate.

Internet.

Nice.

[Liam] I think they said

something about a rock.

[Beck] You mean, one of those

rocky highway thingies?

Right. To find it,

I have to...

[Beck laughs]

[Beck] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Found it.

- Oh.

- Kenefick rock.

- Uh?

- Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah.

As good as the photos?

Yeah. Better.

Oh, heck yeah.

- Jellyfish that out.

- Jellyfishing. Okay.

Wow. What a terrible view.

[Liam] Totally.

You really found a house

with an espresso machine?

It was one

of the requirements.

So obviously I'll take the big room,

because I am bigger than you.

You a-hole.

Fine, I'll take

the small room

that's shitty and not at all

cool and nice.

[Beck] So who do you think

owns this house?

Uh, I don't know. Middle

aged man, woman, two kids.

[Beck] Boring. Try again.

I think it's the granddaughter of the

dude who invented the bendy straw.

You're jumping on the bed?

Nope.

Are you?

No.

Aha!

Proof.

Hmm.

Hiya!

Oh, sh*t!

- [Liam] You okay?

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