The Relationtrip Page #3

---

- Yeah.

Uh, just checking

for monsters.

Um, you hungry?

[Liam] Let's play a game.

Okay.

Do you know how to play

the face game?

Um, no.

Okay. Super easy.

I just give you a direction

and then you do it.

- Okay, go.

- Okay.

Cross your eyes.

- Okay.

- Wait, how about that?

Oh, don't do that.

100% don't do that.

It's advanced. I'm sorry.

Okay. So far so good.

Stick out your tongue.

So good. Now make your

eyes like super wide.

And you try to show

as much teeth as possible.

- Uh?

- Mm-hmm.

Okay. Hold that pose.

Oh, my God.

You're so good at this game.

You're like winning

at this game.

- How is this a game?

- It's not a game.

- So good for that.

- It's not a game?

- That's blackmail.

- What the hell is that?

No, get rid.

Delete, delete, delete.

All right. You wanna do me?

You could do me.

I definitely will

be doing that,

but right after we have

two more of these.

Truth. I like where

your head's at.

You wanna get the same thing?

Or you want something else?

I don't know.

What is that?

Uh-oh. Somebody bites

his nails.

Yeah, sorry.

I try not to.

My mom says it makes me

look neurotic.

I think it's kinda cool.

Makes it look like you're

really concentrating.

Like laser sharp focus

on picking the right drink.

Actually this one time

in college,

Buddy and I got these fake IDs

from a weird goth kid,

and we took it to this

liquor store on campus

that would take any ID.

So we go.

It's Buddy. It's me.

Eighteen-year-old computer nerds,

we didn't know what to get,

so we got

a bottle of cognac,

because we thought

it sounded cool.

Mm-hmm.

And then we brought it

back to our dorm

and we mixed it with

Half and Half.

Why would you do that?

It's the only thing we had

in our fridge.

That's the worst.

I've never been sicker

in my life.

Yeah, that's

absolutely disgusting.

- [laughs]

- Oh, my God.

I really like that "mm-hmm"

thing you do.

What? What "mm-hmm" thing?

You say "mm-hmm" when there's a

natural pause in the conversation.

- Do I?

- Yeah.

- You don't realize that?

- No. I... I hate that.

I like it. It means

you're paying attention.

You're really invested

in the epic tale of

Liam and the Bottle of Cognac.

You made it pretty epic.

You kids need another drink?

Uh... yes.

May I have...

a cognac and

Half and Half?

Oof! We're doing this?

- Oh, yeah.

- You sure?

Definitely. Go.

Two cognacs and

Half and Half, please, Mary.

[Mary snorts]

- Thank you.

- Thank you, Mary.

- Mm-hmm. Hates us.

- Hates us.

- Hates us so much.

- Dead stare.

- Yeah.

- Ooh.

[man]

What's up there, kiddo?

Looks like you're having

a good time out there. Yeah?

Although you might want to

take it easy on the nachos.

Just a suggestion from

an old friend.

[loud fart]

[woman 1]

What about me, Liam?

[woman 2]

What about me, Liam?

You don't love me anymore.

Is that it?

I'm sure you'll be able to work on that

thigh gap before swimsuit season, huh?

[laughs] But don't worry.

You know what?

Some guys like

a little extra cushion

for the pushing.

Oh, no!

Come on, Beck.

Don't be so sensitive.

[woman 3] Liam?

[woman 4] Uh, Liam?

[woman 5] Liam!

[woman 3] Liam! Ow!

You guys still working

on these nachos?

- No.

- Nope.

Okay. Well, you want me

to wrap them up?

- No.

- No.

Geez. Okay.

Can I ask you

a serious question?

[in high-pitched voice] Do you want

anymore cognac and Half And Half?

Yes, please.

- Yeah?

- Yes.

Two more cognac and

Half And Halfs, please.

- Please.

- Please.

I think she just

smiled at me.

Yeah. She loves us now, right?

- She's coming around.

- She's coming around, right?

I think she's coming around.

Burn up

Every cloud above

My head

Clear the smog

And let me rest

Somewhere

Every room inside this house

Covered with the memory

Of love

All we had

There's nothing left

Stars are on

The loose again

Searching

Trying to find a better way

Hoping we can find it

I don't want to go

Back there

There's nothing left for me

What did you expect?

I get, I get

Get by without you, babe

I get, I get, get by

I get, I get, get by

Without you, babe

I get, I get, get high

Like I'm dancing on The yellow, yellow,

yellow Yellow, yellow, yellow sun

Like I'm dancing on The yellow, yellow,

yellow Yellow, yellow, yellow sun

Like I'm dancing on The yellow, yellow,

yellow Yellow, yellow, yellow sun

Like I'm dancing on The yellow, yellow,

yellow Yellow, yellow, yellow sun

Dancing on

The yellow, yellow sun

Last song of the night.

[waltz music playing]

Are you enjoying

the snowball dance?

- Me?

- Mm-hmm.

I saw you,

over here, looking at me...

over there.

Well, that's because

I'm a shy nerdy guy

who stands in the corner, afraid

to ask the pretty girl to dance.

Aw, come on, man.

It's the 90s.

Now the girls ask

the boys to dance.

[whispers]

Don't be afraid.

Baby, baby, baby, baby

Baby, baby, baby, baby

Lower. Mm-hmm.

You can step in

a little closer.

What about Sister Agnes?

Who?

- Sister Agnes?

- Who's Sister Agnes?

Well, Sister Agnes says we need to

leave room for the Holy Spirit.

Oh, that's right.

I forgot this was

a Catholic school.

Yeah, we're like

super strict here.

- Yeah.

- Mm-hmm.

Well, I wouldn't worry

about Sister Agnes.

I mean, she's probably off

catching Jimmy O'Sullivan smoking

cigarettes in the boys' room.

Oh, Jimmy's so bad.

He's the baddest guy.

So...

You ever been Frenched?

What? Yeah, like...

- A hundred times probably.

- Wow.

- Okay, I've practiced on my hand.

- Mm-hmm.

Have you?

I mean...

I'm like a really good Frencher.

Like, seriously next level

Frenching.

Like, the best Frencher

in the whole school. So...

Yeah.

I mean, I could teach you.

Yeah, okay.

Like, now.

- Right now?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- Okay, you ready?

Okay, hold on once second.

Yeah.

Okay, ready.

- Smooth move.

- Mm.

Okay, so...

First thing.

You're gonna take

a deep breath.

- Close your eyes.

- Okay.

Real deep breath.

And you can let it out.

- This is like to prep.

- Oh, okay.

This is to prep yourself.

And...

Okay, now it gets

a little tricky.

You're gonna stick out

your tongue,

and put it in my mouth,

and swirl it around

as fast as you can.

That sounds awesome.

Like really freaking fast.

Okay.

- You ready?

- Mm-hmm.

All my life

Baby, baby

I've prayed

For someone like you

And I thank God that I

That I finally found you

All my life

I've prayed

For someone like you

And I hope that you

Do love me

You're all that

I've ever known

When you smile, on my face

All I see is a glow

You turned my life around

You picked me up

When I was down

You're all that

I've ever known

When you smile

My face glows

You picked me up

When I was down

And I hope that you

Feel the same way, too

Hmm.

Hey.

Is that a...

Is that a rock in your pocket?

Yeah.

With a key in it.

Well...

My mom's here...

in a minivan.

So...

- Yeah.

- I should...

My mom's always late, so...

Classic mom.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes