The Ridiculous 6 Page #2

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Well, I sure hate to break up

this nice family reunion.

So, why don't you give us

the money you stole

before I put lead in your head.

The money's buried.

Way to run your mouth, son.

It's buried?

Yeah, I buried it.

Deep in the ground...

next to a windmill.

A windmill in the West...

doesn't narrow it down much, Frank.

Well, this is a special windmill.

It's a singing windmill.

A singing windmill!

It's about a ten-day ride from here.

I'll lead you to it presently

on one condition.

You don't hurt my boy...

or any of these kindly Injuns here.

Let's ride, Frank.

Frank, if that $50,000

isn't under that windmill,

I'm gonna bury you up to your neck

and let the desert critters eat you alive.

It's there, Cicero, it's there.

I'm glad I got to meet Betty Dunson's son.

You just stay here, Tommy.

Enjoy your life

with your beautiful bride...

amongst these majestic pine trees.

Let's go!

Well, that was uncool.

White Knife, you must rest.

How can I rest?

When they get to the singing windmill

and find no money, they will kill him.

My son, there are too many trees

and too little time.

Then I must get this $50,000 another way.

How? By stealing?

There is no honor in that.

Unless I steal from those

who have no honor.

Ooh... I like that.

But it is too dangerous.

I will send ten of our

strongest braves with you.

No.

The braves would be treated too cruelly

in the white man's world.

A lot of them can pass for pale face.

Raging Bear can actually do

a great impression of a white guy.

Hey, guys, let's play with our chest hair

and eat potato chips.

Wasn't that great?

Where does he come up with this stuff?

That's very good, Bear,

but I must walk this path alone.

My love...

I will get this money...

bring it to the singing windmill,

and be back in time for our wedding.

I won't let you go.

Those men are killers.

I was a coward once

and my mother paid the price.

That will not happen to my father.

Whoa!

Good morning.

Where in the hell did you come from?

I'm in a bit of a bind, boys.

I rode all the way out here

to pan for gold

and my horse up and died on me.

How'd he die?

Suicide.

Drowned himself.

Put his head in the stream

and just kept it there.

Saddest thing you ever seen.

It happens.

Powers that be don't like to admit it,

but it happens.

He looks like an honest white guy.

Hop on.

Much obliged.

Just drop me off

at the nearest town.

Ladies and gentlemen,

gather around.

Hear the wondrous effects

of Dr. Chubb's Vita Oil,

the miracle cure for 1001 ailments.

Put the pep back in your...

Who's this a**hole?

Well, now, look at this fella,

drinking from the horse trough.

Excuse me.

You there!

What you're doing is disgusting.

That water is for our filthy horses.

Water flows from the sky spirit

for all its children.

Isn't that right, cousin?

We don't cotton to that peyote-smoking

nonsense around these parts.

Do you hear me, "cousin"?

Okay, William, come on back.

Hey, amigo.

You planning on staying in town?

Might need a place

to lay my head for a bit.

Sorry about that ugly man

that insulted you.

He runs the bank, so he thinks

he's entitled to be mean to everyone.

There's a bank in this town?

Why? You wanna rob it?

I look like a bank robber to you, ma'am?

Funny, there's something about you that

reminds me of a certain bank robber.

His name was Frank Stockburn.

You know Frank Stockburn?

"Know"? Like, in the biblical sense?

No, ma'am.

You've met him before is what I'm asking.

Yes, I met him.

Then, 20 minutes later,

I knew him in the biblical sense

on that bed, right there.

Oh.

And, I knew him, in the biblical sense,

twice on this railing.

Uh-huh.

And then, while doing a handstand

on that dresser you're leaning against.

Did he happen to mention

a singing windmill?

He did mention a singing windmill.

He said it sounded like a choir of angels.

Where'd he say it was?

He said that it was in a place

where he made his biggest score.

Whatever that was.

And then he laughed.

He liked to laugh...

and have handstand sex.

Yeah, we gotta get past that.

I miss him.

But he did leave me something

to remember him by.

What's this?

A nio, Ramon.

I have a brother?

Oh, Burro, we had many adventures

together, you and me.

We're not getting any younger.

At least we have our memories.

Remember the two girls,

the sisters, in Deadwood?

You liked the fat one.

You know it's true.

Ramon Lopez?

S.

I just came from conversating

with your mother, Esmerelda.

We stumbled upon the fact that

your dad and my dad...

are the same fella.

Oh, that's neat.

Yeah.

Same father.

Half-brothers.

What do you think about that, Burro?

So, how is Dad?

Well, he went and got himself kidnapped,

and I need to come up with $50,000

to save his life.

That's a lot of pesos.

Sure is.

That's why I'm fixin'

to rob the bank here in town.

Hang on.

My father is in trouble.

My brother, he needs my help.

I'll rob the bank with you.

I must do this alone.

What's happening right now?

Ever since I'm pequeo,

I dream about spending

one magical day with mi padre,

sharing meals,

introducing him to the burro.

I will not let go of you

until you say I can help you.

Will you stop brushing me

if I say yes?

Yes.

Then you can help.

That means he likes you.

That's a good amount of money

you want us to lend you.

Now, normally, we would require

two forms of identification, madam,

but that won't be necessary in your case.

I feel kinda guilty about this, Burro,

taking money from nice people.

I mean, it's not like

you're some greasy Mexican.

I feel less guilty now.

What are you doing?

This is a bank!

Get that donkey out of here!

It is a burro, seor.

I don't care, "seor. "

Get it out!

All right.

Vmonos.

The burro don't want to vmonos.

Well, I don't really care

what the burro wants.

Get out of my bank, you beast!

I know what you're thinking,

but not yet.

Hold it.

Move!

How is this jackass stuck?

If it got in here,

it can certainly get out!

It doesn't make sense,

it's not logical.

They got it locked up good,

do they?

Oh! You are leaving!

Gall dang,

he felled on his pooper!

- That makes no sense!

- I apologize.

- I don't know how many times I could...

- Hey, friend.

Need any help gettin' her out?

She's not

really stuck, amigo.

She's just a diversion.

She's a virgin?

I'm a virgin, too...

unless you count canty-loupes.

I believe that,

but she's a diversion

to keep the banker busy

so that my brother has time

to rob the bank.

You're robbin' the bank?

- Gall dang!

- Shh, shh.

Gall dang.

Gall dang. Gall dang.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

No! Virgil! Virgil, the key!

I'm Lil Pete.

So, is your father, like, Big Pete?

I didn't know my pa.

But he was a bank robber like y'all!

His name was Frank.

- Stockburn?

- How'd you know?

Are you a wizard?

Hey, Johnny Law.

We'll be waiting for you

up at Jawbone Falls.

Frank Stockburn.

What?

Robbery!

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