The Ridiculous 6 Page #3

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We're being burgled!

You! Horse-water-drinker!

You are caught, sir!

Oh!

What are you?

Hey, Tommy, guess what?

We got ourselves a little brother.

Yeah! All our moms got porked

by the same outlaw.

- Ain't that a pip?

- Yeah, that's something.

Hey! Those bandidos just robbed the bank!

Taste my bullets,

you dirty foreigners!

Now!

- Nice one, Burro.

- Wow!

- There they are!

- We better make tracks.

Can I come with?

I got a wagon.

All right, that ain't a bad idea,

let's go.

Vmonos. Come on!

So, if you guys are

my brothers,

you must got three nipples, too.

I only got two.

Yeah, just got the two.

Oh, must be

from my mama's side.

Forget I tolded you that, okay?

Will do.

Are you ready, Clem?

Yep, yep. I'm... I'm ready.

Spoon.

Damn sharp.

Look, fellas, I wanna hunt

this white Injun down same as you.

But, uh... I...

I have some problems with my eyes.

You wanna join the Left-Eye Gang,

that right eye has gotta come out.

It'll only hurt for a second.

Yeah, like a hundred seconds.

- Then you're one of us.

- For life.

Okay, that makes sense.

Is it okay if I scoop this left eye out?

This is... I'm basically blind here.

This right one sees like an eagle.

Yeah, it just seems

like a waste that I'd...

I understand your predicament,

but rules is rules.

Yeah, guess it... makes sense.

Oh, God!

Hell, no!

That ain't right!

Damn!

It's half way.

- It's dangling by a vein!

- Whoo! Oh, man!

It's crazy,

I can still see out of it!

- Goddamn, it hurts!

- I think I'm gonna puke.

It's just going round and round like

a tassel on a stripper's titty!

Okay, gotta get it, gotta get it!

I'm getting dizzy!

Got it, got it, got it!

Yeah!

Ah!

Oh, Lord! Holy sh*t.

You done it, partner.

Welcome to the Left-Eye Gang.

Whoo!

I did it!

I'm glad that's done.

Let's just go get that

Injun-loving son of a b*tch, huh?

Yeah.

- Yeah! Let's get him.

- Yeah.

Like, so...

Oh, I touched the hole.

I touched the hole!

Got me a patch!

Dear Mama,

you may be wondering

why I have not returned

from my trip to the ice cream store.

It's because I met my brothers,

Ramon and Tommy.

And we're trying to steal money.

We need the money

to give to the bad men

who took Pa away

to the land of the singing windmill.

Tommy says it's not okay

to take money from decent folks.

I got the money!

Luckily, there's a lot of bad people

here in the West.

Yee-haw!

Let's ride!

Eat it! You know you like it.

You know you like it.

Good God!

Good burro!

That's right.

Enjoy it!

- That's just wrong.

- Yeah, yeah.

Is it?

This is so much better

than the cantaloupe.

Good burro!

Slowly, but surely,

we're chippin' away

at the $50,000 we need to save Pa.

That's a lot of money,

isn't it, Mama?

Mama?

Oh, yeah, that's right.

I'm writing you a letter.

Anyways, I can't wait

to actually meet my pa.

I want him to teach me

how you make babies.

And how the lady poops 'em out.

Be home quick as I can.

Your loving son, Lil Pete.

Tommy?

Yeah, Lil Pete?

Where's the singing windmill?

It's where dad made

his biggest score.

Maybe we'll get another clue

up at Jawbone Falls.

That's where he used to hide out

when he was an outlaw.

Oh, cool beans.

Tommy?

Yeah, Lil Pete?

If we get caught stealing...

would we be in trouble?

I reckon we'll hang.

Well... that's no bother.

I got a real strong neck.

Mama makes me pull the plow with my head

if I don't finish my schoolwork.

Which occurs regularity.

Strong neck might come in handy.

Okay, let's get our rest.

Good night, Tommy.

Good night, Lil Pete.

Good night, Ramon.

Good night, brothers.

Good night, Burro.

That's a dry one.

We will have good dry weather tomorrow.

Shoo, fly!

Shoo!

Oh, come on, fly, vmonos!

We need our sleep.

Let me take care of this.

How can you see a fly in the dark?

A true hunter sees

with all his senses.

That was some mystical sh*t, man.

Uh-oh.

I think you just nicked his biscuits off.

That's what I was aiming for.

He didn't deserve to die.

He deserved to know

he was not welcome here.

Raised by Indians, huh?

That had some impact on you.

Well, let me get this one.

Sounded like a horse fly.

That wasn't a horse fly,

that was my horse!

Peanut?

Oh, Peanut!

Oh, the burro's gonna be pissed.

You're doing bueno, Burro!

Don't be intimidated by the horse,

you're just as good as him.

I'm so hungry.

There's breakfast all around.

Nuts, berries, bark,

different kinds of mud.

I wish there were taco trees.

What's a taco?

They're the best.

Meat and cheese and tomatoes

in a crispy shell.

You'd love it, man.

Ooh, I want one.

I want 50.

Hate to put an end

to this fascinating conversation,

but we're here.

Jawbone Falls.

And there's a mansion next to it!

Should we just go in?

I reckon.

Hello?

Hola.

Well, this is cozy.

Hello?

Hold on!

Tommy!

Stop! Leave my brother alone!

No, no, no!

Simon says, "Stop!"

Don't hurt my brother!

- Stop!

- Huh?

Good thinking, Tommy.

All right.

Not for me, but good one, Tommy.

Settle, settle, watch it...

It's all right, it's all right...

We don't mean no harm.

- We're just looking for our dad.

- S.

Is this your place?

Whose place is it?

Your mother?

Oh, is she here right now?

Oh, she's dead.

I'm so sorry,

I'm sure she was a good woman.

She died three years ago?

Three months ago?

Oh, your mama has three nipples?

Huh?

Yeah, there's three of us.

- Three of us, s.

- Okay. Okay.

Claro, tres. S. S.

Whoo-hoo!

You and your mom were making

moonshine up here, huh?

Much obliged.

Gracias.

Making moonshine for Frank Stockburn?

You know Frank Stockburn?

He slept here?

With your mama?

Okay.

Your mama was an owl.

No, our dad made his mom

make owl noises.

Huh?

Yeah, that's right, friend.

We're your brothers.

Gall dang!

Okay.

- Down the hatch, boys!

- Salud. Salud.

What's your name, anyways?

H... R... M...

Squiggly line, asterisk.

How 'bout we just call you Herm?

Herm, so you know,

our dad was kidnapped

by some bad muchachos.

Yeah,

we need money to get him back.

So we're going to steal the money.

No, we're only stealing the money

from folks what are bad.

Hmm...

So do you know of any place where we could

steal a lot of money from some bad folks?

Mmm...

He's got something.

The Gold Nugget Saloon, huh?

I reckon you're coming with us?

Smoking Fox

so worried about White Knife.

We must get her to eat something.

Oh, we having a little picnic here, huh?

You have no right to be here!

This Apache land!

And what you gonna do about it,

beaver breath?

How he know my name?

That's really her name!

Yeah, I think you also could have

gone with "Face Like Witch. "

Or "Eats Like Pig. "

Or "Hit In Face With Diarrhea Stick. "

That's it? Nobody else?

Babyface? Stumbles?

Hey, boss! Look what I got here!

He ain't gonna be

happy about this.

Well, well, well.

Yep, used to be a prosperous town.

Then the gold mine dried up

and the train stopped stopping.

The saloon's the only place left that

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