The Ringer Page #6

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And now, the final event of

the day - the 100-metre hurdles.

Set.

Come on, Jeffy. Leap! Leap!

Jump higher, jump higher!

Come on. Come on.

The true champion

is showing his colours today,

as Jimmy Washington

easily takes the 100-metre hurdles.

Wow, this is truly amazing, folks.

After four of the five events,

Jimmy Washington is only five points ahead

of a remarkable newcomer, Jeffy Dahmor.

Folks, it has come down to

tomorrow's final event, the 400-metre run,

the Cadillac of Special Olympics competition.

It's worth approximately 250 points,

depending upon their times.

This will decide whether Jimmy Washington

or Jeffy Dahmor takes home the gold.

How come guys like us never get the girl?

Don't lump me in with you.

I get the girl sometimes.

Calm down. I was just trying to cheer you up.

How? By calling us both losers?

Can I have your autograph, Jimmy, please?

Yeah. Jesus!

- Hi, Lynn.

- Hey, Jeffy. Where's your date?

Jeffy's kind of stag tonight.

That's OK.

I haven't eaten in ten minutes.

You wanna find some food?

Ten minutes.

Come on, let's go.

You'll have to excuse me.

I kind of pig out when I get depressed.

- Why Lynn depressed?

- Well, I'm upset cos of David.

- Tell Jeffy the joke.

- What?

The joke with the boy at sea.

The one you were going to tell at lunch.

- You don't wanna hear me butcher it.

- Come on. I bet you knock it out of the park.

So there's this old woman.

She was, like, a grandmother.

She's probably 80 or something,

and she brings her grandson to the beach.

And he's little. He's like, you know, three.

Or, like, three and a half or fourish.

The boy's young. Jeffy get it.

- Well, the grandmother...

- Jeffy. Jeffy!

The Kids of Widney High is on. Come on!

I've never seen Billy this excited before.

Billy a big fan of Kids of Widney High,

so Jeffy called number on back of CD

and asked them to come.

That was really nice of you.

You never stop surprising me.

You're a really good person, Jeffy,

you know that?

You wanna dance?

- No, no. Jeffy not a good dancer.

- Come on, I'll teach you.

No.

- Give me a "yeah".

- Yeah!

Another "yeah".

- Once more.

- Yeah!

Would you teach Jeffy how to slow-dance?

Yeah, sure. Come on.

You've gotta put your arms around me. Not

on my stomach. Just sort of around my waist.

And I'll put my arms around you

and we'll just move.

What's wrong?

Special Olympics are almost over and...

- Jeffy's going to miss Lynn.

- No. Hey, we'll still hang out.

We'll still be friends.

Jeffy would like that.

Lynn's perfect.

Makes Jeffy wanna wake up in the morning.

Lynn needs someone to appreciate her,

like she's the only girl on the planet.

That's...

That's the nicest thing

anybody's ever said to me.

I think you're pretty perfect too, Jeffy.

You're kind and funny.

And really brave.

Jeffy, no, no. I'm sorry. I didn't...

- It's Jeffy's fault.

- No. It's not your fault. It's not.

You did nothing wrong. I...

God, I'm sorry. Jeffy, I have to go.

Billy, are you up?

No.

Let me ask you something.

Do you think there are good people

and bad people, or...

do you think life gets so hard sometimes,

good people have to do bad things?

Nah! Just good people and bad people.

There's no grey areas.

- I feel horrible. It's entirely my fault.

- Lynn, there's no way it was your fault.

Matt, you weren't there.

I'm a volunteer, he's an athlete.

It's not allowed,

and I let him think it was a real date.

I don't deserve to be here.

- I can't do this any more.

- Well, what are you saying?

I'm done. It's over for me.

Steve Levy here with arguably the greatest

Special Olympian ever, Jimmy Washington.

Folks at home wanna know -

what are you feeling heading into this?

I feel great. Like always.

Jimmy's going to win.

You've won six consecutive gold medals.

Jeffy Dahmor could

get in the way of number seven.

Jeffy Dahmor? Who's Jeffy Dahmor?

Look at me.

I'm young, handsome. Top shape.

Bring on Jeffy Dahmor.

Jimmy's gonna bring home the gold.

Clearly, lack of confidence

will not be an issue.

Steve Levy reporting from Bobcat Stadium,

home of Special Olympics.

Here we go. This is it.

Will Jimmy Washington win

his seventh consecutive gold medal?

Or is there a new champion on the horizon?

Ladies and gentlemen, if you're not

enjoying this action, check your pulse.

Jimmy, you're going down.

Goodbye, Wheaties.

Goodbye, Hollywood squad.

Goodbye, bling-bling.

Take your mark.

Set.

Come on! Come on!

Now's your moment! Last chance!

Go for it! Go! Go! Go!

Come on!

That's it! That's it!

Thank you, God! Thank you!

What are you doing? What are you doing?

Don't go back. Go this way!

Attaboy, Jeffy!

- Come on, Jimmy, get up.

- That's it. Get him up.

What are you doing,

you stupid son of a b*tch?

You're a loser. You've always been a loser!

So Glen Chervin wins the 400-metre race.

And here we go. Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen, wow.

What a stunning upset.

The gold medal goes to a remarkable

young underdog. It's Glen Chervin.

Jimmy, you suck!

Wait a minute. Jimmy didn't win?

Jimmy didn't win! Isn't it wonderful?

Jimmy didn't win! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

You did great.

- I came in fourth.

- That's OK, Thomas. I came last in my race.

- You complete me.

- I do?

Glen, you won!

What? I did?

- I'm sorry.

- What are you sorry about?

Well, now Stavi can't get his fingers back.

No, he can. All Jimmy had to do was lose.

And he did, because of you.

Well, if I knew that,

I wouldn't have stayed behind you so long.

Excuse me.

Jeffy, you were so great.

I'm so proud of you.

Thanks.

Congratulations, Jeffy. Great race.

Would you come with me, please?

That was terrific sportsmanship, Jeffy.

I'm proud of you.

And now, the bronze medal

goes to Jeffy Dahmor.

That's my friend Jeffy!

My friend Jeffy!

Congratulations, Jeffy.

The winner of the silver medal,

Jimmy Washington.

Congratulations, Jimmy.

And the gold medal goes to Glen Chervin.

- Congratulations, Glen.

- You're welcome.

Let's have a big round of applause

for our terrific pentathlon athletes.

Thank you for coming out.

This has been the best Special...

- Excuse me. Can I say?

- Sure.

Excuse me, everyone.

I have something to say.

I can't accept this.

I can't accept this because I'm a fraud.

I'm not mentally challenged.

You're disgusting.

I don't even deserve

to be on the same field as these people.

So I'm gonna give this award to the person...

The champion who deserves it.

Thomas.

Thomas!

Come here, man.

Stand up here.

All right!

You were right behind me, buddy.

This belongs to you.

I'm so... This is such a great honour.

I'm very excited from the bottom of my heart.

And I would like to dedicate

this to a very, very special girl.

Lynn, I am so...

But soft.

What light through yonder window breaks?

It is the east, and Juliet's the sun,

yadda, yadda, yadda.

Come on, Billy. You're phoning it in.

Look, I told you. Jackie Gleason

didn't rehearse and neither do I.

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