The Romantics Page #5

But I'm not.

- I'm not OK.

- You chose this.

No! No, you can't!

You're actually a lot of fun.

- Thanks?

- Yeah. No. Really.

- You're hilarious.

- Your surprise is disturbing.

Well, dude, you just

seem like a freaking...

...about to have a nervous breakdown

half the time.

Take a shot.

I'm marrying Jake, for Chrissakes.

That's true.

- It just got hot in here.

- Wait, cheers me.

Cheers you.

Hey, this stuff is strong.

What did you say you put in it, again?

I just crushed up

some of my old Lithium.

- No.

- Just joking!

Hey, hey, hey! What was that?

- What?

- I heard something.

Right!

OK, there's no Tom here.

- Yes, there's not.

- So, there goes your theory.

I still say he's in Lila's room.

- Why does everyone seem so happy?

- They're not.

- Really?

- Yeah.

I mean, Laura's depressed,

pretending to be happy.

Yeah.

Weesie's a mess, she pretends

to have her sh*t together.

Pete is a screw-up,

pretending to be a success.

And what about you?

I'm, like, a miserable bastard

who's pretending to give a sh*t.

- Wow.

- Yeah.

- You had me fooled.

- Well, good.

And what am I?

Well, at least you're honest.

- Laura? You're late!

- It's me.

- What are you doing here?

- We need to talk.

- Honey, I'm superstitious!

- Please, just let me in.

What's the matter?

Did something happen?

You're having a

pre-wedding panic attack?

Don't patronize me, OK?

- Lila, I love you.

- I love you, too.

Yeah, but why?

'Cause you're smart.

And charming and handsome.

And you make me feel safe and happy.

And, when I'm with you,

even the most tedious things

are fun and exciting.

And you're a very good kisser.

- Thank you.

- It's true.

Why do you love me?

That's the thing. I don't...

- I don't know.

- I'm sorry. What?

I'm so confused right now, I...

- You're not doing this now.

- Why not now?

- lsn't now better than later?

- OK.

I'll tell you why you love me.

Because you need me.

- We're so different.

- Yes, we are.

And when you're not behaving

like a total freak,

it's what makes us work.

- OK, you're patronizing me again.

- No, I'm not.

Why is emotion some kind of

a mental illness with you?

It is if you indulge in it all the time.

Don't you think I want to freak out?

Don't you think I want to lose my sh*t?

Why do you get to be the one

that drinks too much,

that says scandalous things,

that has wild mood swings?

Has it ever occurred to you

that those are freedoms

afforded to you by me?

Has it ever occurred to you that

my emotions are just as intense?

I just work harder to control them.

But why? You don't have to.

I wish that you would lose it more.

Who? Who should I lose it to?

My mom? My brother? You?

Take a look around you, Tom.

Somebody's gotta keep their cool.

I just... I need you to hold it

together for another 1 2 hours.

- Can you do that for me?

- Yeah, I think so.

OK.

Now go find Pete and Jake

and have a good talk before

you cause us any more bad luck.

OK.

William, wake up. I'm in a panic.

What's wrong?

It's going to rain.

- Augusta, come on.

- William, will you wake up?

I'm up.

Who do you think helped

sculpt the ice penis...

I did. I did. I...

- Get out of town.

- I designed it.

Listen, the wildest thing

that you've ever done...

I designed it.

...is roll down your window

on the drive up here.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

- Is that a challenge?

- And what if it is?

I'll race you to the front porch.

We're talking fully dressed?

F*** that. Buck naked.

- Weesie. I like this.

- Yeah.

- Yeah. Let's do it.

- It's a new you.

- Now we're talking.

- Take it off.

You know, I haven't done anything

worthwhile since I was 1 8.

What'd you do when you were 1 8?

Cheated on my SATs and got into Yale.

Yeah, I was headed for greatness.

- Now I'm just headed for a breakdown.

- Oh, really?

Yeah.

Yeah. No, now is where you say,

''You know what, Trip?

You're a great actress.''

And I say, ''You know what?

Your novel is gonna change the world.''

Oh, yeah? You know what, Trip?

Great actress.

And your novel is gonna...

We don't really have to do this.

Yeah, let's not.

Funny idea, though.

You're not getting off that easy.

I'm alive!

- Oh, sh*t, let go. Let's get out.

- What? Wait!

Minnow?

No, no, no, no.

- Minnow!

- Look what I did, accidentally.

OK, OK, calm down. Calm down.

She's probably gonna come up here

in the morning.

I'm thinking.

OK. OK. OK.

This is what we're gonna do.

OK.

You're gonna count to 1 00.

I'm gonna go downstairs.

And when you hear me

go into Lila's room,

you're gonna make a break for it.

And we are gonna

deal with this tomorrow.

Start counting.

One, two, three...

- Laura, Trip, you're late!

- Just me.

- You said you'd be here at midnight.

- Yeah, I know.

We're druggie loser a**holes.

I'm so sorry.

Where is everyone?

We all had so much to drink,

I doubt anyone's still standing.

Dude!

I just... I guess we'll never get

your alternative lifestyle, dude.

- What's up, dude?

- What's up, man?

Hey, you want a sweater

or something?

I ain't a for-real cowboy,

but I am one hell of a stud.

Here you go, sir.

Hey, is this cashmere?

I'm so sorry.

It's fine.

Where's Laura?

God, I don't know where she is.

Actually, I saw her go

into the house about an hour ago.

So she said she was going to sleep.

What is up with the toga situation?

Don't ask.

What? It's...

- I couldn't find my...

- Dress?

It's... How are you?

- Any luck?

- No. You?

- No.

- This is bad.

I'm sure Chip and Laura

found him by now.

Yeah, if they're even still together.

Lila's gonna kill us.

We should tell her.

No, we should not tell her

'cause she's gonna freak out.

That would be an appropriate response,

don't you think?

Why are you trying to cover your butt?

I'm not trying to cover my butt.

I did nothing wrong.

You guys, you guys,

just give him a few more hours.

There's no point in getting Lila

worked up if we can avoid it.

Exactly my point.

All right. Everybody in favor

of telling Lila?

No.

Everybody in favor of not telling Lila.

Fine. Let's just wait until it's light.

- OK.

- OK.

- All right.

- OK.

''Forlorn.

The very word is like a bell

tolling me back from thee

to my sole self.

Adieu.

The fancy cannot cheat so well

as she is famed to do, deceiving elf.

Adieu, adieu, thy plaintive anthem

fades past the near meadows,

over the still stream, up the hillside

and now 'tis buried deep

in the next valley glades.

Was it a vision or a waking dream?

Fled is that music.

Do I wake or do I sleep?''

Look, there's Lo.

- Hey.

- Have you seen him?

Us, either.

We're gonna tell Lila right now.

- Wait.

- What is it? Where were you last night?

- Where were you last night?

- Oh, my God. You were with him.

- Trip, leave her alone.

- No, she was.

Why do you think that?

We don't have time for this

right now. Let's go.

Come on.

Minnow!

Look what she did.

Oh, darling, that's...

That's... We have enough time.

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