The Romantics Page #4

- Do it again.

- I don't wanna do it again because...

- Just do it one more time.

- You won't be as impressed anymore.

- That is so cool.

I really, really loved it.

Hey, hey, hey, Laura!

I should go and let

everyone know that you're OK.

Laura, just come here

for a minute. Just come here.

- We've been really worried about you.

- Please, just...

Don't go.

Nobody knows that I'm out here.

Exactly.

Yeah, nobody knows

that you're out here.

What's your point?

I don't... maybe we can

just hang out for a minute.

Nobody's gonna know the difference.

Why are you here?

I don't know. Just thought that I would

swim halfway across the bay

at the chance

to be alone with you.

- You're so full of it.

- I'm totally serious.

So, you excited about tomorrow?

Yeah.

- What's your song?

- My song?

Your wedding song?

Your first dance at your wedding.

I don't know. Lila picked it.

Well, you're gonna have to

dance anyway. You realize this.

- And everyone will be watching.

- Yeah, well, I can hold my own.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Well, let's see it.

- Well...

You...

OK.

No.

- No?

- No.

Maybe you should show me.

You're gonna teach me something.

Come on.

So, what do I do?

Try not to step on her feet.

Yeah, might annoy Augusta a little bit.

And try not to let her lead too much.

You don't want to make it obvious.

OK.

I owe you an apology.

It's OK, let's not talk about it.

So, you...

You forgive me?

I wouldn't push your luck.

You know, a heads up

would've been nice.

You know, nothing...

Nothing major, just...

Just a quick email.

You know, ''Hey, Laura.

I know I saw you last night

and countless others

over the last ten years,

and not excluding the four years

we dated in college

and the year that we got back together

to try again and the handful of times

that we've slept together since...

...but you know that

Lila and I are together now.

And though I've struggled

endlessly with this predicament,

I think we both know the inevitable

here, so don't be surprised

when she calls and asks you

to be her maid of honor.''

Or, you know what?

This is another approach:

Less direct, but same effect.

''Hey, Laura.

Great seeing you last night.

Great movie, great meal,

great sex, but the problem is...

...greatness makes me sick.

I'll see you at the wedding.''

You know, on the other hand, I mean...

Look, ten years of

a loving friendship and...

...sporadic, incredible sex...

...scattered with nights...

...so fun, they explain the

evolutionary purpose of talking.

You know, not to mention

the time that we've clocked together.

Listening to music.

You know, driving with...

...no destination.

I guess this, this...

...beautiful mess is best ended

without notification.

Probably better.

I'm sorry.

Don't be. It was a gift.

An act of cowardice so complete,

disqualifies a person

from consideration.

I tried to do

what I thought was right, OK?

It's not like I came at this lightly.

- Oh, no.

- Laura.

You're the one that broke up with me.

F*** you.

- Laura, we were seniors in college.

- Don't even start.

What did you want to do?

Get married at 21 ?

- What is this, 1 950?

- No, it isn't.

We were too far apart.

I was busy trying

to finish my dissertation,

practically living in Widener Library.

You were doing God knows what

in New York City,

probably fending off

all your hipster boyfriends.

Oh, yeah. You know,

if you're gonna patronize me,

try to think of something

a little more original.

- We gave it a college try.

- Yeah, we did.

It was an accident of timing.

What? Let me guess.

Your proposal was an accident, too?

You got the wrong woman?

- Give me a freaking break.

- You know what?

What difference does it make?

Just stop talking.

Yeah, you know, I think that

would be a really good idea.

Come here. Listen to me.

I was a lifeguard in high school,

you remember that?

- Yeah, I remember.

- It was my favorite summer job.

You and every other guy in America.

I would sit in that chair itching,

itching to get out,

dying to get into the water.

And after eight hours,

my shift would end,

and I would make a break for it,

but as soon as I got into the water,

the strangest thing happened.

I would start to panic.

Ambivalence is a disease, you know.

- An actual mental illness.

- That's not funny.

Let me guess. When you were a kid,

you would order chocolate ice cream,

then immediately wished

you'd gotten vanilla?

- That's not what I'm talking about.

- No, I get it.

- You're torn between two women.

- What I'm trying to say is...

I'm afraid of the ocean.

I'll remember that the next time I...

...I swim on your clock.

You think you have

some kind of a special gift

- for knowing what's in my heart, Laura?

- No!

No, I think we both do for each other.

Has it ever occurred to you

that I might need a woman like Lila?

- And what kind of woman is that?

- I don't know. Somebody happy.

- Meaning numb?

- Somebody practical.

- Meaning busy.

- Somebody confident.

- Meaning rich. Meaning frigid!

- Somebody stable.

Somebody who doesn't

tear other people down

- just to build herself back up.

- ln other words, your polar opposite.

- Yeah. Yeah, maybe.

- Well, haven't you heard?

Opposites attract and then

they bore each other to death.

You know, boring is

better than maddening.

I'd rather die of excitement.

- Hey.

- What?

Hey, hey! Hey!

Do you remember that paper,

junior year?

Yeah. Of course.

The Hopeless Romantics:

Misconceptions of a Movement.

Yeah. Only you could start a

50-page paper the night before...

- And still get an A-minus.

- Because I wrote it.

You maybe wrote half of it.

Ode to a Nightingale:

A love song to inspiration.

The Romantics weren't

writing about love,

they were writing about religion.

Then I'm not sure

I know the difference.

''Forlorn.

The very word is like a bell tolling

me back from thee to my sole self.''

What's the next line?

I can't remember.

Liar.

Anybody can make a big

romantic gesture, all right?

The question is:

What happens after?

Do you remember?

Do you remember

what you said to me that night?

- Yeah, I remember everything.

- So what'd you say?

- I said it was the perfect night.

- You said it was the perfect night.

- So?

- So? How do I top that?

- We had so much fun.

- We had so much fun.

So what's the problem with that?

The problem is, every time we

had one of these amazing nights,

I would wake up the next morning

in a freaking panic.

So why don't we just spare each other

a mundane life

of crushing disappointment,

and just do it with somebody else.

That is the weakest excuse

I have ever heard.

- Just say you're in love with Lila.

- Say what?

Want me to say

that I want to marry you?

That I'm gonna spend the next 50 years

regretting this very moment?

You inspired me.

You inspired me, too.

Then we were supposed to be together.

I know.

I'm gonna go and I'm gonna...

I'm gonna tell everyone that you're OK.

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