The Romantics Page #3

- Let's hear it!

- All right!

- Make it good!

Don't be boring.

As I gaze at this assembly

of friends and family

on this momentous occasion,

only one thing comes to mind...

- We are all so messed up.

- Hey!

- Speak for yourself!

- I'm awesome!

OK, OK, OK...

Let me start this again.

We are all so...

...uninspired.

Uninspired. We're so blind

to the tiny, beautiful things.

I saw Jake's tiny beautiful thing.

No, I'm talking about

the tiny beautiful things

that make life worth living.

Right? Like you, Weesie.

- Weesie?

- The way you were walking across

the grass before the rehearsal.

It was beautiful.

Or how about Chip, after his toast?

The way all the sound just

kind of fell out of the room,

and all you could hear

were forks on plates.

It was magical.

Or how about the sound as you're

driving up to the house here.

It's gravel, grass, ocean.

It's verse, verse, chorus.

Wordsworth! Shelley! McDevon!

McDevon!

The seven of us are friends.

No, the seven of us are family.

We're everything to each other.

Sister, brothers, mother...

...nurse, shrink, opponent, rival.

We share a history,

and we share a goal...

...to inspire and to be inspired.

That, my friends, that's imperative.

And without that...

Without that, we got nothing.

Slow clap.

- Where's the cane?

- All right!

- The man is drunk!

- Where's the cane?

Where's the gong?

Seriously, you guys,

thank you so much...

Thank you so much for coming.

That's all I got.

Sorry I've been such a freak tonight.

Oh, and by the way...

Where did he go?

- Guys, I'm really worried.

- Why are you worried?

Because he disappeared in the ocean.

He's probably passed out on the lawn,

freaking out about the wedding.

- Cold feet, anyone?

- Yeah?

I think we have a fugitive

on our hands.

Well, why don't we

go look for the guy?

Let's break into pairs,

canvass the neighborhood. Yes?

- Yes.

- I love it.

- Jake, I like the way you think.

- Get over here.

- All right.

- All right.

Chip and I have spent a lot

of quality time together.

- Come on.

- I know, I know.

Why don't we mix it up a bit.

We'll switch partners,

like a dinner party.

- A search party dinner party.

- OK.

- Dibs on Jake.

- Yes. You have such good taste.

- I know.

- Fine by me.

Weesie?

Come on, I'm not that bad.

- Come on.

- Wait, Lo, Lo, Lo.

We haven't even made the plan yet.

What area should we cover?

- Main house.

- We'll cover the main house.

- Perfect...

- Lo! Remember!

Ten of midnight, on the porch!

We promised Lila!

- What?

- It's your lucky night.

OK, so, wait. If you were Tom,

where would you be?

Doing my crunches. Yeah?

OK, yeah, but after

you do your crunches.

I'd do a thousand, but if I was done...

...I'd probably be in Lila's bed.

- Yes?

- You know that's her room, right there.

- Want to take a last shot?

- Me?

Why don't you two lez out again,

how about that?

I would love to.

Yes.

I really stepped on a rock, hard.

You stepped on a rock?

- Yes.

- I like it in here. It's warm.

I love it in here.

- So, hey...

- Yeah?

- I saw your movie.

- What?

Yeah, I saw the torture one.

I saw it.

How? It never even got released.

I know. I downloaded it.

I spend a lot of time

on the lnternet.

Yeah, I bet you do.

Wow, that is really embarrassing.

I don't think you

should be embarrassed.

I thought you were really good in it.

I... You had a really funny line

about not wanting to die a blond.

That was good.

- You did?

- Yeah.

- I came up with that line.

- Really?

- That's great.

- Speaking of great lines...

- Are you serious?

- Why? What? Yeah.

I don't know. lsn't that a little '80s?

Not when you mix it with Wellbutrin.

'Cause Wellbutrin is... Of course.

Of course.

So we're doing the guesthouse.

Yep.

- You trust him, right?

- Who? Jake? Of course.

Good.

'Cause I don't trust Tripler one bit.

Wow.

Hey, you ever think there was

something odd about the way

Lila and Tom started dating?

- The way that they started dating?

- Yeah.

Remember? It was, like,

right after we came up here

for that long weekend.

Senior spring, remember?

I mean, don't you think it was

kind of odd? An odd coincidence?

Yeah, I don't even know

what you're talking about.

He asked her out like

three days after we got back.

- Three days. Three days.

- Three days, so?

So, never mind

that he was dating Laura.

The girls were roommates.

So then you think that

Tom started dating Lila

because he coveted

her parents' fortune?

OK. You just made that sound

like an episode of Dynasty.

- But that's what you're saying, right?

- No.

- I'm just noting the dates.

- You're an idiot.

I'm not an idiot. I'm just saying.

You're just saying something

really shitty about our friend.

I'm just saying that I think

Lila's lifestyle appealed to Tom

just like Lila's perfect tits

appeal to you.

Oh, I'm sure those

appeal to Tom as well.

- He's not here.

- No. Doesn't seem to be.

- Where do you think he is?

- That's a very good question.

That's one I need a drink to consider.

This must be really hard for you.

You drive halfway to the North Pole

to watch the love of your life

marry the bane of your existence.

And this is how they thank you?

Honestly, Chip, I'm not in the mood.

It's ironic. Asking you, of all

people, to convince the groom

to show up for this wedding.

I wish I could

be there for the reunion.

''Oh, Tom. I thought you were lost.''

''Oh, Laura! I was! Until I found you.''

Aren't you supposed to be wearing

some sort of ankle bracelet now?

That's funny!

No, they just made me

do some community service.

Ankle bracelet!

I'm gonna keep going and

see if he overshot the house.

Goodnight!

You're not worried?

Not at all. Wedding day jitters

is a universal affliction.

Did you freak out the night before

your wedding?

Yeah. I spent the night

before my wedding in a closet.

Of course, Tripler locked me in it.

- Darn.

- I hope Laura's OK.

- She's fine.

- Chip was kind of a nightmare.

No worse than usual.

And you don't think we should tell Lila?

Why worry her for no reason?

God, I could have sworn

I got another bottle.

God.

Where are you hiding from me?

Jackpot.

So when's the big date again?

We haven't quite figured that out yet.

- You excited?

- Very.

You scared?

No, I figure I know what I'm in for.

We've been together

for almost ten years.

Are we that old?

And besides, if you and Trip

are any indication,

married life is bliss.

You do have a sense of humor!

To your glittering future.

To your glittering future.

- To our glittering futures.

- To our... yeah.

To...

I'm already regretting this.

You're dancing on the coke.

You can never regret

the dancing. Ever.

- All right, how do you wanna dance?

- Show me your dance moves.

- Show me your dance moves.

- All right, well, it's a Kid 'N Play.

- Oh, my God!

- And that's the start,

- but there's more.

- I can't believe you can do that.

- I can do a lot of things.

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