The Rules of Attraction Page #3

Blue is the colour of the sky

In the morning

When we rise

In the morning

When we rise

That's the time

That's the time

I love the best...

Hold it!

[SNORING]

[FARTS]

Mellow is the feeling that I get

When I see her

Oh, yeah

That's the time

That's the time

I love the best

Freedom is a word I rarely use

Without thinking

Oh, yeah

Without thinking

Of the time

Of the time

When I've been loved

Yellow is the colour of my true love's hair

In the morning

When we rise

In the morning

When we rise

That's the time

That's the time

I love the best...

- Hi.

- Hey. You here for that class?

- The tutorial on the post-modern condition?

- Yeah.

It was cancelled.

- Typical.

- Never seen you there before.

That's what's typical.

First time I showed up for it.

Yeah. You've got bad timing.

Saturdays suck ass. I don't have to put up

with this sh*t. I'm dropping this f***ing class.

- Yeah, me too.

- Really?

- Mm-hm. I think I'm gonna change my major.

- To what?

- I don't know yet. What's yours?

- I don't even know.

[SHE SIGHS]

- Your name's Sean Bateman, right?

- Right. Your name is Lauren.

Yeah. I bought pot from you last year.

It was good. A little seedy, though.

You used to go out with Paul Denton.

Yeah...before.

Show me your eyes.

When I see her

When I see her, oh, yeah...

Rock 'n' roll.

That's the time

That's the time

I love the best...

Maybe I'll see you at the next

Pre-Saturday Party Party...Sean Bateman.

Freedom is a word I rarely use

Without thinking

Oh, yeah

Without thinking

Of the time

Of the time

When I've been loved

[SERGE GAINSBOURG]

L'ami Caouette me fait la tte

Qu'a Caouette?

La p'tite No veut plus m'parler

Qu'a No?

L'ami Cao? M'a mis KO

Qu'a Cao?

La p'tite Ramel m'est infidle

Qu'a Ramel?

M'sieur Hannibal m'mine le moral

Oh, my God, Harry tried to kill himself!

[PAUL] That is typical.

I knew something like this was gonna happen.

I just had a feeling there'd be some obstacle

to prevent my evening with Sean happening.

You gotta come to Fel's house. He's there.

Sh*t, Paul, we've got to do something!

That's way too gay.

Um...call Security.

Trust me, they'll be there within an hour.

Security? Security? What do you need,

a formal f***ing invitation?!

I gotta be out at seven!

You are killing Harry! Pull it together! March!

What did he do?

Try and OD on Sudafed and wine coolers?

Oh, my God! I brought Paul!

- What did he take?

- I don't know!

Oh, Harry, sweetie!

He's gonna get his death of cold!

- We should take him to hospital.

- Are you crazy?

- What else is there?

- I have to meet someone.

F*** your meeting! Get the car, Raymond!

Grab his feet!

Jesus, this is so typical.

- He found out he was adopted.

- Stop. I need some cigarettes.

- We have somebody OD'ing back here!

- He's not OD'ing.

- He's a freshman. Freshmen don't OD.

- F*** you, Paul!

- He's throwing up!

- Open the f***ing window!

- He's not throwing up.

- What do you call that "krrrr" sound?!

Dry heaves.

There's a lot of air in his stomach.

Maybe we should be inducing vomiting.

Should I pull the car over?

- Can I change the CD?

- Shut up!

You're gonna be OK.

Blue-eyed dressed for every situation

Moving through the doorway of a nation

[MUFFLED PANICKED VOICES]

- Come on, Harry!

- Grab his arm!

- Oh, God!

- OK, you're gonna make it!

- [BOTH] Help! Help!

- We need some help! This guy's OD'ing!

- Get him into the emergency room!

- I'm on my break.

- Is there anybody else around here?

- Oh, please take care of Harry!

- You gotta take of him!

- Move, move, move.

Please, would you just get him up?!

His name's Harry. Please help him!

- Harry!

- Harry.

- I'm not getting any pulse.

- Is this a joke?

- I can see him moving. He's not dead.

- He's dead, Paul! Shut up!

- Oh, God!

- And how did this happen exactly?

- [BOTH] Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!

- [PAUL] Will you shut up!

- He's not dead.

- He hasn't got a pulse or a heartbeat.

- His pupils are fixed and dilated.

- Harry, come back!

Sorry, there's nothing more I can do here.

- You have to do something!

- I've seen this on "ER". Fix him!

- Harry's gone to the big bye-bye.

He's got his name in the papers on the back

side. It's toe tag time in Teenville tonight.

- Teenville?

- You should've just said no, Harry.

- I'm not dead, am I?

- Yes, you are! Shut up!

You don't have a pulse. I think you're dead.

Let me run a few tests...

- You're looking at a malpractice suit!

- Harry is dead.

[ALL SHOUT AT ONCE]

A few tests on Harry

and I'm sure I could prove he's dead.

No! You leave the pain and suffering!

I insist you bring back the corpse

for me to do some tests.

- Ugh!

- Is your deterrent to the party working?

Sort of. The best would be Victor, though.

Enough fantasising.

Victor is 3,000 miles away. Use the book.

How do I look?

- You look kinda skinny, actually.

- Skinny? Really?

- Bulimic skinny or anorexic skinny?

- What's the difference?

Bulimic passes for healthy

except your teeth rot, but my teeth aren't, so...

So you look bulimic skinny?

Lauren, it's amazing the weight you lose

when you get off the pill.

- Until you get knocked up.

- OK, we'll do the math.

If the condom is 98% safe and he wears two,

then you're 196% safe.

- A much better percentage than the pill.

- It doesn't work that way, Lara.

Abstinence is 100% safe, which is less...

Whatever. I don't major in math.

Are you coming or not?

- I don't know.

- Lauren, listen to your friend and room-mate.

If you wait for Victor,

you'll never lose your virginity.

You can't just wait for destiny. Make it happen.

[BOY RETCHES]

[RAP MUSIC:
"SEI DEIN EIGENER HELD"

BY JENS "DER WOLF" ALBERT]

Is she coming?

- I doubt it.

- Why?

- She's been looking at the book.

- What book?

A book of venereal diseases.

It discourages her

from hooking up with people like you.

It's got some pretty nasty imagery.

It helps keep her focused on her homework.

- She's not coming, then.

- Nope.

So why don't you get me another beer?

[GERMAN RAP SONG CONTINUES]

- Hey, Sean. Sorry I'm late.

- What?

There was this whole thing. I had to take

a freshman to the hospital. Anyhow, I'm...

- What the f*** are you talking about?

- I'm here.

- Never mind.

- Um...I'll make it up to you.

- You don't have to.

- I know, but I want to. I insist.

- Whatever.

- Really.

I have some pot in my room

if you wanna get stoned.

- You have pot?

- In my room, yeah.

- Want a beer?

- Let's go.

- Hey.

- Hey, Lauren. Um...this is...

- Jim.

- Jim from Dartmouth.

- Hi.

- Brewski for youski?

- Sure.

- Hey, you want it, you got it.

He thinks it's the Dressed

To Get Screwed Party. I'll give him to you.

- No, that's OK.

- You sure?

- I haven't seen Victor around.

- What about Sean Bateman? Seen him?

Yeah. Actually, Sean just ran off with Paul.

- Paul Denton?

- Uh-huh.

You serious? You don't think...? No!

- I don't know.

- No.

- He must just be selling him something.

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