The Rules of Attraction Page #4

- [BOTH] Must be, yeah.

- OK, so are you out on the prowl again?

- Yeah, that book's just not...not doing it.

- No?

- Uh-uh.

Good. Well, just don't wait up for me. OK?

- OK!

- OK.

OK!

Miss Lauren Hynde.

Why weren't you at my tutorial last Saturday?

Would you like a drink?

[SIGHS]

[MUSIC:
"AIDA GRAND MARCH" BY VERDI]

Come here.

- All right?

- Uh-hm.

- Do you want a turn-on?

- No, thanks.

Well...

..don't mind if I do.

- So are we gonna do it here on the couch?

- Do what?

You know, do it?

What? F***?

Are you mad? I'd lose my tenure.

And I'm a married man.

Aren't you hitting on me?

For a hummer, sure.

I've heard you're talented, Miss Hynde.

And it certainly can't hurt your GPA.

So...shall we?

[CHORUS FROM "AIDA"]

[MUSIC RISES TO A CLIMAX]

- So where did you spend last summer?

- Berlin.

Sprechen Sie Deutsch?

- What?

- Do you speak German?

No!

- What the fu...

- You don't?

- No. Why?

- Well, I don't know.

I just assumed since you spent the summer

in Berlin, I thought...

No. Berlin, New Hampshire.

Oh.

[SEAN] I need to get some more pot.

I'm running out.

And I need to get laid.

Where the f*** was Lauren tonight?

That Lara girl was kinda hot.

I could bang her and feel good about it.

I'd rather have Lauren. I wonder why.

It would just ruin my illusion

of her innocence...her purity.

Whoa! Is that really what I want?

I need to f*** someone.

Then I need to get more pot.

[PAUL] I watched him with growing intensity

as he refilled the pipe in the smoky room.

He fingered what looked like moss

and it struck me

that I liked Sean because he looked, well, slutty.

A boy who'd been around and couldn't

remember if he was Catholic or not.

[LOVE AND ROCKETS] I'm so alive

Don't know what colour

your eyes are, baby

But your hair is long and brown

You're legs are strong

and you're so, so long

And you don't come from this town

My head is full of magic, baby

And I can't share this with you

I feel I'm on top again, baby

That's got everything

to do with you-hoo-hoo

I'm alive

I'm so alive

[MOANS OF PLEASURE]

Look at that chick's cans!

- Implants.

- I like the feel of fake tits.

[PHONE RINGS]

- I need to get cable in my room.

- Hello? Hi, Mom.

[TV OFF]

What's going on?

[SEAN] You are one dirty b*tch!

Tomorrow? The Jareds are coming? Oh.

This weekend? I have a lot of school work.

How about next weekend?

- Faggoty sitcom, faggoty sitcom...

- Richard?

Uh...OK. Yeah, you too.

- I have to go into the city tomorrow night.

- Rock 'n' roll.

- Wanna go?

- No.

- Dressed To Get Screwed Party's tomorrow.

- I know. I don't wanna leave you here alone.

- Deal with it. I'm borrowing these.

- Wait.

Would you give me a ride to the bus station

tomorrow?

Whatever. Look, I gotta meet my adviser.

[MOANS OF PLEASURE]

I shouldn't be leaving.

He'll sleep with someone else.

It's the Dressed To Get Screwed Party,

for Christ's sake! What the f*** am I doing?

I love you, Sean Bateman.

[SEAN] I wonder if Lauren goes wild during sex.

I wonder if she comes easily...or at all.

I won't go to bed with a girl who doesn't.

If I can't make a girl come, why bother?

Hmm...I'm hungry.

"Tonight's the night, tonight's the night,

tonight's the night, tonight's the night..."

[SNIFFS]

- Tonight's the night?

- Yep, I'm going all the way.

- Who's the lucky boy?

- Not telling.

- You will if you want me out of the room!

- OK.

- Sean Bateman.

- He's a drug dealer.

- He made me zhing!

- Zhing? What?

Something amazing's gonna happen.

Zhing! Like it just f***ing fucks you right up the...

It's like...zhing!

- No, I've never had that.

- You will someday.

- You might be afflicted with synaesthesia.

- What?

It causes you to hear what you see

and see what you hear.

It's a combination of your senses.

You really should get that checked out.

Prozac might help.

What?

Rusty pipes!

Rubbin' sticks and stones together

makes the sparks ignite

And the thought of loving you

is getting so exciting

Sky rockets in flight

Afternoon delight...

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello?

Can I talk to Sean Bateman?

I think he lives upstairs.

- Yeah?

- Sean.

- Who is this? Patrick?

- Who the hell's Patrick? No, it's Paul.

- Paul?

- Yeah. Remember me?

No. This better be good.

I was wondering what was going on.

Who's Patrick?

- None of your business. What do you want?

- Were you asleep?

- No, of course not.

- What ARE you doing?

I'm just getting ready to go to the party.

- With Patrick?

- No.

With the person who's leaving me notes.

- Are you?

- Deal with it.

- Are you just f***ing with me?

- Rock 'n' roll.

Motherf***er!

Who?

Oh, Jesus Christ! Richard, is that you?

It's Dick! And, yes, it's me.

[GARGLES]

- What the hell are you doing?

- Getting f***ed up.

Maybe getting f***ed.

- Ohhh!

- Richard, oh, Richard.

- Oh, oh!

- Oh, yeah, you're turning me on [!]

Paul...you remember Mrs Jared.

Of course. Hello, Mrs Jared.

- I leave you for five minutes and you're drinking!

- I'm drunk!

Well, then, take a shower and sober up.

Oh, will my tortures never end?

- How are you, Paul?

- Fine.

Would you talk to him? He'll listen to you.

- Come on, Myra.

- See you both downstairs in 15 minutes.

Mm?

[RICHARD CHUCKLES]

You wanna take a shower with me...

for old times' sake?

- Want one?

- What are they?

- Does it matter?

- No.

[GEORGE MlCHAEL] I guess it would be nice

If I could touch your body

I know not everybody

Has got a body like you

But I gotta think twice

Before I give my heart away

And I know all the games you play

Because I play them too...

- Surprised me.

- [YAWNS]

So when she showed up...

Oh, oh, baby, I reconsider my foolish notion

Well, I need someone to hold me

But I'll wait for something more

Yes, I gotta have faith

Ooh, I gotta have faith

Because I gotta have faith

I gotta have faith, faith, faith

Got to have faith

Before this river becomes an ocean

Before you throw my heart back on the floor

Oh, oh, baby, I reconsider

My foolish notion

Well, I need someone to hold me

But I'll wait for something more

'Cause I gotta have faith

I gotta have faith

'Cause I gotta have faith, faith, faith

I gotta have faith, faith, faith

[MRS DENTON] Then I realised

my Cadillac had been stolen.

The police couldn't have cared less.

They said my insurance would take care of it.

Frankly, I was getting sick of the colour,

you know.

I'm gonna ask you one more time, Richard.

Kindly remove your sunglasses.

- Then why don't you tell us about school?

- Mm. Tell us about school.

- Ciggie.

- Oh, don't smoke!

You're not allowed to smoke here, I don't think.

My name is not Richard.

- Well, then, what is it?

- Dick.

- What?

- Dick! You heard me. Dick.

No, your name is Richard.

Sorry, it's Dick.

Then...Dick...how is school?

It sucks co-o-o-ck!

[MRS DENTON COUGHS]

- Yeah, it does.

- And what classes are you taking, Dick?

Gang Bang 101 , Freebase tutorial,

and Oral Sex Workshop.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes