The Sandlot: Heading Home Page #4

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You're sweet for asking though.

- Wow. I've really missed our movie nights.

- What are you talking about?

We haven't missed

a movie night in months.

Oh, I hope this movie

isn't too scary for you.

Young Frankenstein?

It gets funnier every time I see it.

[Two Ton] Great. Now we gotta wait

two hours to talk to him.

Why do we need this kid

on our team anyway?

- With him we could have a real team.

- Maybe win the championship.

- Yeah!

- Who cares about those butt-faces anyway?

I care about kicking

those butt-faces' butts.

- He wasn't that "boffanado."

- I took some calculations today.

At the risk of sounding like a dweeb...

if you don't count the pitch

he didn't swing at...

Tommy's batting average was 1,000.

You are L-7 weenies.

[Whispering]

Guys. Guys, let's go.

Let's go. Come on.

- Shh!

- Shh!

- Two Ton's goin' in.

- Open the window.

[Chattering]

[Pounding, Grunting]

- You okay over there?

- [Breaks Wind]

Oh! He got me

with my mouth open.

[Two Ton] Oh, I knew I shouldn't

have had that last cheeseburger.

Sometimes you gotta

wait five minutes.

- [Grunting]

- Just relax and let it come out.

- What I do is, I count backwards.

- [Grunting Continues]

- Five.

- [Grunting]

Four.

- Ooh.

- Three.

- Two.

- [Moans]

One.

That's it.

I bet you feel better already.

- [Groans]

- [Clamoring]

- [Clattering]

- [Groaning]

- You okay, buddy?

- [Indistinct]

- [Chattering]

- [Thump]

[Chattering]

- [Thumping Continues]

- Did you want to borrow some T. P?

[Clattering]

- Whoa!

- Whoa!

- [Chattering]

- Get off me. Come on.

I should have known.

- There's only one stall.

- Yeah. One.

We all had to go bad.

You're not gonna rat on us,

are you, Uncle Pork Chop?

Yeah. Yeah, we're not here

to see the movie or anything.

No. We just wanted

to see the new kid.

He's our only shot

at the all-city championship.

- Yeah.

- Relax, boys.

The big Pork Chop

wasn't always a cop.

Besides, it's my night off.

- Oh.

- Just as long as we don't have a situation here.

We're not gonna have

a situation here, are we?

- No.

- Are you sure?

Good.

You wait here for my signal.

[Together]

Yes!

- Evening, Pork Chop.

- Hey, Casper. Can I get some popcorn?

- You bet.

- Thanks.

Here you go. It's fresh.

Good. Oh, Uh...

I'll take a little bit of butter on that.

- Oh, of course.

- Thank you.

- Well, it's topping, but...

- Yeah.

Here it is.

There you are.

- Thank you very much.

- Yeah. Everything okay?

- You seem a bit edgy.

- No, I'm fine. I'm fine.

- Just a little parched. I could do with a Fanta.

- Yeah!

- An orange Fanta, if you have one.

- Yeah, of course.

- Fanta.

- Thanks.

- Here's, uh... here you go.

- Thank you very Much.

That's good. That's good.

I'm feelin' a little peckish though.

- What else can I get for you?

- Listen, can I get some Jujubes too?

- Jujubes comin' up.

- Thanks.

[Whispering]

Go!

- There you go.

- Mm-mmm. Okay, that should just about do it...

except now I need something sweet.

- [Whispering] Goobers.

- Is everything all right?

Yeah, just a little athlete's foot.

[Two Ton Whispering]

Don't open 'em.

- You're one of the good ones, Cassie.

- Okay.

[Electrical Sputtering]

This movie gets funnier

every time I see it.

Psst! Guys, I got 'im.

Hey, Tommy.

Hey, Tommy, Mrs. Santorelli.

How you guys doin'?

What are you guys doing here?

- Stop it.

- What?

Why don't you take your friends

outside so you can talk?

I'll miss the part where

the monster sings and dances.

I love this part.

What do you mean,

the monster sings and dances?

- Nothing. I'll just go.

- [Man Shouting In Movie]

- It's my favorite part.

- You guys, come on.

Excuse me.

Hi, Mrs. Santorelli.

Look, fellas, I appreciate

you asking and everything...

but truth is I have too much

going on in my life right now.

We wouldn't be here

if we didn't need you.

Truth is, we're not exactly

what one would call "good."

I'm sorry, guys. I can't.

- Hey!

- Tommy, I'm only gonna ask you this once...

so I want you to be completely

honest with me, okay?

- Mm-hmm.

- Can you spot me 25 cents for some Goobers?

- God.

- Are you serious?

- Geez Louise.

- I only have a nickel.

- My guess is you guys don't have any tickets.

What do you got to say for yourself?

We're with him.

- Kill the monster.

- "Kill the monster"?

Kill the monster!

- See ya. Wouldn't wanna be ya.

- Smell ya. Shouldn't have to tell ya.

- Bye, bye.

- Adios.

- [Clamoring]

- Hey, I'm calling the cops.

Hey! Come back here.

Officer Pork Chop, I need you.

Hey, manager,

you can't catch me.

- I see your faces.

- [Boy] Not now.

Where are your parents?

Pork Chop, some help here?

- Come on, let's go!

- Keep running.

- Excuse me.

- [Boy] Ow! He almost got me.

Come on!

Okay, we're out. We're out.

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Goobers. Goobers.

- Come on, Two Ton.

- Hey!

I have needs.

I got ya!

Oh, I got ya right there.

Hey, usher guy,

I found my tickets.

There's only two.

What about all the other guys?

What other guys?

Hey! You...

[Whirring]

Whoo.

One chocolate shake comin' up.

Why, hello there, sweetie.

[Laughs]

Who are you callin' sweetie, junior?

Just trying to be friendly,

that's all.

All right, little lady-killer...

why don't you lean back

and tell me what you want.

How about a coffee?

A coffee? At your age?

You crack me up, kid.

Here's a cherry Coke.

Kids these days wanna grow up so fast.

What?

Look, I'm not gonna play.

There's just too much going on in my life

right now you just wouldn't understand.

Hit me again?

All right, look.

I might as well tell you.

It's not like you're gonna

go tell anybody, right?

Thanks.

I'm not supposed to be here.

I was transported back here from the future.

I'm really a superstar.

Last season I hit a.328 for the Dodgers.

I was on a box of Wheaties.

I'm gonna be elected

into the Hall of Fame.

Chicks dig me.

Men wanna be me.

That's my real life.

Not this place.

I don't know if this is a dream...

or a second chance...

or what.

I'm gonna enjoy it

for as long as it lasts...

'cause of one reason

and one reason only.

My mom's here.

I'm gonna spend as much time

with her as possible.

I knew you'd understand.

Hey, Ryan?

Thanks for listening, buddy.

- That boy's mute.

- Yeah, I know.

- What happened there?

- He hasn't spoken a word...

- since his father died four years ago.

- Whoa.

- How much do I owe you?

- It's on the house. Get out of here.

By the way, this fall,

Jimmy Carter wins.

What?

Cat got your tongue?

More like cat got his brain.

[Laughs]

Teach this punk a lesson, boys.

Hey, why don't you

leave the kid alone?

- Yeah? Why don't you mind your own business?

- Man.

I forgot how much

of a chump you were, E.J.

- How do you know my name?

- 'Cause no one forgets the town bully.

- You got a big mouth, you know that?

- Hey, you're that new kid...

The one that everyone says

is the best baseball player in town.

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