The Secret Life of Walter Mitty Page #6

Please, Harry! I swear!

He doesn't mean a thing!

- This isn't a corset.

- What is it?

It's a nightgown.

I'd better take it back to that fellow.

I've caused him enough trouble.

I'm sorry to trouble you, but I thought

I'd better return your wife's nightgown.

Why, you!

Wrong Follinsbee!

"Mrs. Letitia Follinsbee,

949 Fifth Avenue."

She must work here.

Forgot your keys.

Gee, those are pretty.

Wooden shoes, huh?

I've had them for years.

They're supposed to ward off evil.

I should have been

carrying them yesterday.

Carry them now.

No. These are gold.

Why should you give them to me?

Because you've been so kind, Walter.

"Walter."

I have a bag

that matches these shoes exactly.

- I wonder how much they are.

- Girls! I didn't know you were out here.

Mrs. Follinsbee is waiting for you.

You'll have to rush to change.

You're terribly late.

- What did the corset look like?

- It was black and sort of filmy.

And lacy around the neck

with little yellow ribbons...

or green or some color.

You wait here.

May I seat you, sir?

Right over here.

Now, girls.

Take these corsets.

And you 12s wear these.

Rush, girls! And start dressing.

I'm sorry, but black helps

brings out the best in me.

Welcome.

I can't tell you how proud I am...

to present Anatole of Paris.

This is the first appearance

of my latest creation:

Venetian mirror hat.

A grey turban studded with diamonds.

And on the top, Prince of Wales

ostrich tips.

Cocktails for two.

I call this one the rain hat...

because it looks like a fountain.

And when you buy it...

you get soaked.

It is entirely made

of black aigrettes...

with a diamond band

in case you go slumming.

For the woman of mystery.

A touch of the Arabian

with Grecian simplicity.

A "sheik" that is truly "chic."

Made of jersey,

carrying its own capelet...

and giving madam the muffled look.

And now my pice de rsistance.

Watch.

First, the pin.

Then, the brim.

Then...

back with the pin.

The striptease hat.

Now, before I continue

with the rest of my hats...

I would like you to know

how I started in this business.

It all began

when I was born

A month too soon

My Ma was frightened

by a runaway saloon

Pa was forced to be a hobo

Because he played the oboe

And the oboe, it is clearly understood

Is an ill wind

that no one blows good

I'll never forget the morning

that Grandpa ate the awning

To impress a pretty lady

who went for men that were shady

Then my uncle, Aunt Mary

went on a safari

To Calcutta

Bombay

India

Tracking through the trackless jungle

At low tide and high noon

Hello, Tide.

Hi, Noon.

And I'm the result

of the twisted eugenics

Of this family of inbred schizophrenics

The end of a long, long line of bats

I design...

women's...

hats.

You are no longer with us.

I'm Anatole of Paris

I shriek with chic

My hat of the week

caused six divorces

Three runaway horses

I'm Anatole of Paris

The hats I sell

Make husbands yell

Is that a hat

or a two-room flat

Parlor, bedroom, bath.

Let me get my paw

on a little piece of straw

And, voil

A chapeau

At 60 bucks a throw

It's how I pull and chew on it

The little things I do on it

Like placing yards of lacing

or a bicycle built for two on it

The little ones, the big ones

The sat-on-by-a-pig ones

The foolish ones that perch

And the ghoulish ones that lurch

The one called "Moonlit Menace"

designed for a night in Venice

A little bow

And a little

I'm Anatole of Paris

I must design

I'm just like wine

I go to your head

Give me thread and a needle

I itch, I twitch to stitch

I'm a glutton for cuttin'

For puttin' with a button

To snip and pluck, nip and tuck

fix and trim, tie on that brim

Tote that barge

Lift that veil

And why do I sew

each new chapeau

With a style they must look

positively grim in

Strictly between us

I hate women

And so, ladies, my first small creation

led to greater things.

Here it is. Take it to Uncle's

as quickly as you can.

But I can't!

My mother...

"Dutch crown jewels.

Diamond collection. House of..."

I don't think we ought

to stay here overnight.

We should have gone home

in Tubby's car!

And leave Eunice alone with that...

It's raining so hard...

and our road will be washed out anyway.

Who is it?

It's me. Who did you expect?

Here. Drink this while it's warm.

And get right into bed, dear.

Come on, darling.

- That's hot, Mother.

- Drink it all, dear.

That's all I want.

- Good night, dear.

- Good night.

- And try not to dream of climbing.

- Yes, Mother.

Miss van Hoorn!

- They might have heard you!

- It was the only way!

Where's the book?

Why didn't you bring it to Uncle's?

Come into the kitchen.

You're catching cold. Here.

You'd better sit by the stove.

I'll light the oven.

You'd better take those wet shoes off.

I'll make some tea for you.

Wait a minute.

I'll be right down.

What in the world are you doing?

Where was that music coming from?

The music? Oh!

I was just playing the piano, Mother.

Playing the piano?

You can't play the piano!

I know.

But it sort of helps me relax when it's

lightning and thundering and things.

You just march right into bed

and do your relaxing there!

Good night, Mother.

Good night, Gertrude.

Good night...

Mrs. Griswold.

Well, a lot of people

play the piano when they can't sleep.

It's a well-known fact.

Good night.

- Walter, what are you doing out here?

- Whistling.

The rain is making too much noise

to whistle in there.

I was trying to remember

the way our old high school song went.

Fight on for Perth Amboy High

Walter, will you please go to bed!

Good night, Mother.

Good night, Gertrude.

Good night...

Mrs. Griswold.

It's funny. Walter can never go to sleep

when he tries to think of something...

and can't remember.

His father was the same way.

Up half the night.

- Good night.

- Good night.

Mother, what if he acts that way

after we're married?

We'll handle him. It's just

that he wasn't properly raised.

Tubby keeps on proposing.

Maybe I'm making a mistake!

- Gee, you brought another dress!

- It's my slip.

Slip.

Well, it looks like

an evening gown on you.

Would you like another cup of tea?

No, thanks. I must hurry

and get the book to Uncle.

- May I have it, please?

- Well, it's upstairs. I'll get it.

Only, will you be all right?

- You weren't followed or anything?

- No. I'll be all right.

Good. I wouldn't want you to meet

those two fellows.

You should see that knife!

It was...

- I'm going with you.

- No, Walter. That's sweet but...

No. I'll go with you. You leave

this way, and I'll meet you out front.

- But you've done enough for me.

- No.

Anyone would have done

the same thing in my shoes.

I'll get my shoes and get the book too.

Oh, Tyler. Where's Uncle Peter?

He's in the library, miss.

Uncle, we have it!

We have the book!

- The book!

- And we have Walter to thank.

It was nothing.

Mr. Mitty, I don't know what to say.

I don't know how to repay you.

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