The Secret Lives of Dorks Page #9

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Nothing?

You're Not Gonna Chide Me For My

Improper Parental Technique?

All Right, What's Wrong?

Oh, Look, I Know It's Football,

But I've Never Seen You This

Down.

You Don't Understand At All.

All Right.

So...

You Started Off With The Hots

For This Carrie Girl.

She Wanted To Play Matchmaker,

And You Had Hope That All The

Time You Spent With Her, She

Would Like You Back.

But Then You Realize You Really

Connect To This Samantha, And

Because You Don't Have

Experience In This World, You

Muck It All Up?

Muck! Muck! Muck! Muck!

[ Giggles ]

Watch, Watch, Watch, Watch.

You Know, Son, If You Had Some

Questions, You Could Have Come

To Me.

Heck, We're Both Out There In

The Dating World.

Maybe You Could Have Given Me A

Tip Or Two.

Son, All I Know Is, If I Were

You Right Now, I Would Need To

Prove To This Girl -- This

Samantha Girl -- That She Means

More To Me Than Anything In The

World, More Than This Carrie

Chick, More Than The Respect Of

Your Classmates, And, Yes, Even

More Than The Mighty

Chicago Bears.

[ Giggles ]

Hey, That's What You Got To

Do, Whether You Want To Believe

It Or Not.

Now, If You Want To Go Figure It

Out, I Officially Excuse You

From Family Football Sunday.

Oh, Wait.

If You Are Really Determined

And Willing To Pay The Price,

You Can Get It Done.

Ditka?

What Makes You Think All The

Advice I Give You Is --

Yeah. Ditka. It's Ditka.

Longest Conversation We've Had.

So, Let's Really Think About

This, Andy.

No Way Batman's A Dork.

Robin Number 1, He Dated

Starfire, Right?

And Robin Number 3 Had This

Little Thing Going On With The

Spoiler.

I Didn't Know You Like Comic

Books.

Yeah, I Like Comic Books.

Shh.

So, Next Time, Can I Get --

Do You Think I Could Play

Superman?

No, You Can't Play Superman.

Oh, Really?

Then Look At This.

Whoo!

[ Talking Excitedly ]

You Ready, Kiddo?

Hi, Mrs. Gardner.

Hey.

Same Time Next Week?

Yeah, Definitely.

Okay.

Ah.

Say "Thank You," Andy.

Thank You.

High Five!

You Ready?

Ready.

See Ya.

Thanks.

Did You Have Fun?

Do You Like Clark?

[ Talking Indistinctly ]

That Was Even Funner.

[ Laughs ]

Hey, You're Really Gonna

Enjoy These.

That'll Be $38 Even.

Thanks.

Thank You. Come Again.

Did You Know About Andy?

Sure.

Clark And Andy Come In Here All

The Time.

[ Sighs ]

Why Would He Hide This From Me?

He's Captain Of The Football

Team.

He Doesn't Want Anyone To Think

He's Uncool.

But I'm His Girlfriend.

Exactly -- He Especially

Doesn't Want His Girlfriend To

Think He's Uncool.

[ Sighs ]

I Need To Talk To You About

Payton.

My Whole Life, I Was Worried

About "What's The Worst That

Can Happen?"

But Now I Was Living It.

I Had Lost Samantha.

There Was Nothing Left To Be

Scared Of, 'Cause It Couldn't

Get Any Worse.

This Whole Time, I Was

Listening To Carrie's Advice --

How To Dress, How To Act, How

To Get A Reach-Around.

But It Was Time To Stop Doing

What She Wanted Me To Do And

Start Doing What I Wanted.

If I'm Really A Superhero, I'm

Gonna Have To Prove It.

I Just Need One More Brilliant

Plan To Woo Samantha.

So, Everything -- Everything

Involving You Was Part Of A

Brilliant Plan To Woo Me?

Yes!

Payton's Not Just A Dork -- He's

An Idiot.

You Make The Boy Stupid.

If That's Not Love, I Don't Know

What Is.

Stop.

Don't Say Anything.

Look, I Understand What You See

In Chester, Okay?

Yeah, He's President Of The

Chess Club And His Handwriting's

Impeccable And He's Got Really,

Really, Really Great Hair.

But -- But I'm Not That Guy,

Okay?

No. Samantha.

But I'm Just The Guy Who's --

Who's Gonna Do This!

[ Students Screaming ]

Everybody, Get Down!

Is That A Turnip?

No, It's An Onion.

No Outside Food!

Well, It Looks Like A Turnip.

It's An Onion!

Pbht!

An Onion? Lame!

Shut Up! This Is So Romantic!

Yes, I Am Holding A Very

Large Onion In My Right Hand,

But That Is Only Because If You,

Samantha Gibson, Do Not Give Me

A Second Chance, Then...

Then I'm Gonna Have To Eat This

Right Here In Front Of

Everybody!

And If You Don't Go Out With

Me, I'm Gonna Eat This Corn Dog.

[ Laughter ]

No, And If You Don't Give Me

Another Chance, I'm Just Gonna

Finish My Fruit Cup.

He's Allergic To Onions.

He Could Become Violently Ill Or

Even Die!

Cool.

I Hope She Says No.

I'd Really Like To See That.

Son!

Dad.

Son, What Are You Doing Up

There?

That's Samantha.

Oh.

Hi.

H-Hi, Coach Bronko.

How You Doin'?

I'm Okay.

I'm Gonna Eat This Onion!

Son, You're Allergic To

Onions!

I Know!

Eat It! Eat It! Eat It!

No, There's Nothing That's

Stopping Me Now -- Not Unless I

Hear Something From Samantha

About It, But...

Payton.

...I Don't Hear Anything...

Payton?

...So It's Getting Really --

Payton!

What?

You Had Me At "I Have A Very

Large Onion."

[ Chuckles ]

[ Crowd Groaning ]

[ Squeals ]

[ Both Gasp ]

Dork Love Is In The Air!

Oww!

Kiss Me So You Can't Say

Anything Else Stupid.

You Know, This Is A Blatant

Violation Of The School's

"Public Displays Of Affection"

Ban.

I'll Tell You What.

What?

If You Forget About What You

Just Saw, I Won't Bring Up Your

Last Little Visit To The

Thunder From Down Under At The

Next Faculty Meeting.

I'll Tell You What.

How About We Just Forget

Everything And You Take Me Out

To Dinner This Weekend?

Well, I-I...

How 'Bout Saturday Night?

Sounds Good.

Oh, Great.

Just So You Know -- Doing

Things Quickly Is Not A Trait

Women Are Always Looking For In

A Man, If You Get My Drift.

[ Giggles ]

Wow!

This Is Kicking Taco Day's Ass.

I Am Awesome.

Yeah. Yeah, You Are.

You Are One Loveable Dork,

Payton.

High School's Awesome!

[ Giggles ]

I Got The Girl, I Got The

Respect Of My Classmates, And

Even My Dad Was Happy For Me.

I Guess In The End, He Was

Right.

I Mean, You're Never A Loser

Until You Quit Trying.

And If You Know What You Want,

Even If It's Not The Same Thing

You Thought You Wanted At The

Beginning, Why Not Keep Trying

For It?

So, That's My Story.

And Somewhere Along The Way, I

Realized That There Are A Lot

Of Other Dorks Out There Just

Like Me.

[ Laughter ]

And They Might Also Want To

Know Some Of My Secrets.

You're Probably Gonna Be A

Teen Mom.

Besides, Dorks Are "In" Right

Now.

This Whole Time That I Was

Trying To Be A Superhero, I

Guess I Really Just Needed To

Be...Myself.

I Mean, What's The Worst That

Can Happen?

Well, I Mean, The '85 Bears

Were The Best Chicago Football

Team Ever, And It Was Because --

They Were Amazing.

Mike Ditka.

Uh-Huh.

He Brought Them To The

Super Bowl.

Hey And Hello, Everybody.

Welcome To Ditka's.

Hello, Mr. Ditka.

How's The Food?

Really Good.

It's Really Delicious.

It's The Onion That Gives It

That Little Kick.

[ Choking, Coughing ]

[ The Features' "Lions" Plays ]

You May Find Yourself

Angry At The Things I Do

Things I Put You Through

Hope You're Able To

Forgive Me Like I Forgive You

I Forgive You

[ Gasps ]

Mmm. Snickers.

Aw, Come Here, Big Boy!

Can I Have A Little Bit Of

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