The Secret Lives of Dorks Page #8

---

I Know I've Been Trying To Set

Him Up With Samantha, But I'm

The Head Cheerleader, And I

Really Need This.

You Want To Go To The Dance

With Me?

But, I Mean, Why -- Why Would

You?

Don't Show Your Face The

Whole Time We're There.

Halloween Dance, Mask --

No Problem.

One More Thing -- No Kiss

Good Night And No Hug Good

Night.

Actually, Don't Touch Me At All.

Well, Except When We're Dancing.

You Get One Slow Dance, And If

Your Hands Come Anywhere Near My

Ass, I'll Punch Your Lights Out.

I Sh*t You Not.

Whoo!

Whoa-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh

Whoa-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh

[ Whistling ]

Hey, Samantha.

We Need To Talk About The

Halloween Dance.

Uh...

I Don't Know!

I Don't Know What You See In A

Girl Like Carrie Smith, But You

Being Interested In Her Makes

Me A Lot Less Interested In You.

She Probably Wants You To Do Her

Homework Or Wash Her Car Or Take

Care Of Her Sick Grandmother.

She's Just Using You.

And You're Gonna Let Her Because

You're A Stupid Little Boy Who

Does Stupid-Little-Boy Things,

And I've Had Enough Of Your

Stupid Little Boyness --

You Should Go Right Now Before I

Call You A Stupid Little Boy

Again.

Um...

Just Go!

I Used My Superpowers To Get

Samantha To Like Me.

She Went On A Date With Me --

Well, Two Dates, Actually --

And Then I Used My Mind Control

To Get Clark Away From Carrie.

And Then I Came Flying In, And

Carrie Fell Madly In Love With

Me And Asked Me To The

Halloween Dance With Her.

So Far, Everything Was Going

Exactly According To Plan, So

Why Do I Feel So Lousy About

It?

I Hope He Feels Lousy About

What He's Done.

Stupid Payton.

That's The Last Time I Comb My

Hair For Anyone Or Buy A New

Dress Or Wax My Eyebrow.

Grandma Was Right -- I'm Gonna

Become A Miserable Old Woman

Who Dies Alone, Completely

Unloved.

Every Superhero Eventually

Comes Face-To-Face With His

Nemesis.

I Thought Mine Was Clark Hayes.

I Mean, Doesn't That Just Sound

Like The Name Of A

Supervillain?

But What If My Biggest Nemesis

Was...Myself?

[ Grunts ]

Hey, Babe.

[ Clears Throat ]

Earth To Carrie?

[ Whistles ]

Um...

Hey, I Was Wondering If You

Still Wanted To Go To Dinner

With My Parents Next Week.

I Thought You Had To Lift

Stuff.

She's Busy, So I Can Be With

You.

I'll Call You.

Perfect.

Per-- Yeah.

So, There's This New Move

I'm Thinking About Doing Before

The Football Game, And If We All

Do It, It'll Look Really Cool.

It's Really Easy.

Yes!

Yeah!

You Think?

Yeah!

Totally!

Okay. Okay, I'll Show You.

And Then We Got To Show

Everyone, Okay?

Okay, Yeah. Okay.

So, We'll All Be Lined Up.

And Then We Shimmy Like This.

And Then...

Like That, Okay?

[ Cellphone Vibrating ]

[ Screams ]

It's Stuck!

It's Like They're Glued Or

Something!

[ Shrieking ]

Get It Off! Help Me!

Get It Off! Help Me!

[ Both Giggling ]

[ Screams ]

[ Toilet Flushes ]

Oh, Goddamn --

Give Me The Toilet Paper!

Thank You.

Do You Have A Date To The

Dance?

Uh...Um...I...

Would You Like To Go With Me?

You're Friends With Her,

Aren't You?

You Little Dorks Stick Together,

Right?

Yeah, They Do.

Where's Samantha?

Oh, She's With Miss Stewart.

They Were Gonna Dissect A

Cheerleader's Head To See If

There Was Anything Inside.

O.M.G.!

That Should Not Be Allowed.

Here Are The Rules -- No Kiss

Good Night, No Hug Good Night,

No Thinking About Touching Me At

All, Except For When We're

Dancing.

You Get One Slow Dance, And If

You Try To Get Your Hands

Anywhere Near My Ass, I Will

Punch Your Lights Out.

I Sh*t You Not.

[ Laughs Nervously ]

No. Unh-Unh.

I Got A Message For

Little Miss Superglue.

Oh, I Don't Know Who You're

Talking About.

Great Idea With Those Pom-Poms!

Now You Won't Forget Where They

Are!

I Was At The Assembly, Okay?

I Saw Mr. Acker Get His Finger

Stuck To His Forehead, Okay?

I Know Samantha Did This.

Do You Think I'm Stupid?

No.

Crazy, Maybe.

Tell Samantha This Isn't

Over.

Pardon, Ladies.

Carrie!

I-It's Payton!

Why Are You Dressed Like

Jack Skellington?

I'm Li'l Depressed Boy --

You Know, Because I'm Depressed.

Who Are You Supposed To Be?

I'm Little Miss Superglue.

[ Rock Music Playing ]

I'm Gonna Go Get Some Punch.

Hey, Carrie.

Hey.

You Look So...

That's, Like, Totally Original.

So Hot.

[ Laughs ]

I Really Do Like Your Eyebrow.

I Don't.

It's Hairy, And It's Just One.

Hey!

Aah!

Dad! Come On!

[ Chuckling ]

Well, Son, I Hope Nobody Breaks

Any Rules Tonight.

'Cause, You Know, Mike Ditka

Could Never Suffer The Likes Of

Rule Breakers.

Dad, Do You Have To Dress

Like Ditka...

Every Year?

[ Scoffs ]

Nice Shirt.

[ Giggling ] Thanks!

Who Are You Supposed To Be?

Well, She's Obviously A Slut!

Yeah!

I, Like, Totally Dressed As

Carrie Smith!

[ Giggles ]

[ Rock Music Playing ]

Dude, That Is So Wrong On So

Many Levels.

On Fire! On Fire!

The King Of Pop Is On Fire!

Are You Li'l Depressed Boy?

That's My Favorite Webcomic

Character.

This Costume Took Me Forever

To Make.

Payton.

You Look...Really Nice,

Samantha.

Of Course.

Of Course You'd Like The Way I

Look.

I'm Dressed As Carrie.

No!

No, That's Not What I Meant!

Swine Flu?! Swine Flu?!

What About This Makes You Think

I'm Swine Flu?!

Chester?!

You're Here With Chester?!

Enjoy The Party, Payton.

[ Sighs ]

[ Giggles ]

What's Up, Jack Skellington?

I Already Told You, I'm

Li'l Depressed Boy.

Boy, Are You.

So, Where Is Your Slut?

Okay, Listen.

I Don't Care What You Say About

Me, But Don't You Dare Badmouth

Samantha, Okay?

Whoa!

Back Off, Li'l Repressed Boy.

If You Care So Much About Her,

Why Don't You Do Something About

It?

I Did.

I Did Everything You Told Me,

And I Still Managed To Screw It

Up.

Look, You're Poised And

Beautiful And Sexy And

Well-Dressed, And Every Boy

Wants To Be With You, And Every

Girl Wants To Be You.

And That's Easy To Fall For.

But What Really Matters Is What

Samantha Has.

She Has A Beautiful Soul.

Now Go Away So I Can Get A Drink

Of Water.

[ Sighs ]

Ow.

[ Dance Music Playing ]

All Right, Everybody, Let's

Boogie.

Hey!

[ Chuckles ]

Super Mario?

No.

Luigi?

[ Chuckling ] No!

Ditka!

[ Deep VOICE ] I'm Mike Ditka.

[ Normal VOICE ] Ditka.

[ Chuckles ]

Samantha?

Can We Talk?

No! Sss!

Don't...Talk.

Wait.

Do I...Have A...

Beautiful Soul?

Yeah. I Mean...Sure.

Whatever.

[ Slow Music Playing ]

Perfect Time For Your Slow

Song, Date.

Okay. Yeah.

Slow Dance?

I Promised You One.

Payton...Thanks.

For What?

For Being Payton.

I'm So Glad We're Friends.

[ Camera Shutter Clicks ]

That Was The Kiss I'd Been

Waiting For My Whole Life.

You're Super-Cool And Totally

Awesome.

[ Camera Shutter Clicks ]

Samantha's The Girl For Me.

I'm Such A Dork.

I Need To Tell You Something --

About Clark.

Go To The Comic-Book Shop

Tomorrow At 5:
00, Okay?

Why?

Just Trust Me On This.

Hey, Samantha.

Wrong Girl, Man.

[ Groans ]

You Call That A Hit?!

My Nana Can Hit Harder Than

That!

[ Chuckles ]

[ Football Announcer Talking ]

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes