The Sex Addict Page #5

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- She's doing a dissertation?

- A dissertation, yeah.

- Sex addiction.

- You know.

- Wow, okay.

- So...

Do you have a little time?

I'd love to talk to you.

You know him better than most.

All right.

How'd you guys meet?

He was dating a friend of mine.

A co-worker of mine.

She's actually the one

who got me started me in this.

Oh, did you intend to become...

I mean, this is your...

- Oh, god, no. I wanted to be a teacher.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- What happened?

Not a sex teacher?

Not a sex teacher. No, I

wanted to teach little kids.

It just kinda fell

into my lap and worked out.

Literally.

Or you fell into their lap.

- Yeah.

- Um...

Still haven't gotten you

in my lap, though, not yet.

Oh, you guys haven't

slept together?

- No.

- No, we did not.

Oh, that was pretty definitive.

- No. I don't do ethnics.

- What? What?

- You know that. -F***ing racist.

That's racist.

No, it's not.

I'll do black people.

I just won't do ethnics.

We've talked about that before.

- Tiger Woods?

- Yeah.

- You would?

- He's black.

- Sure! -But he also has

other parts in him.

- He's Asian.

- But looking at him...

Looking at him, you would say...

I don't know what he is.

- I would say black.

- Yeah.

- Mulatto. Is that a cookie?

- Do we use that term?

- Is that a cookie?

- It's Milano.

To answer the question...

- Yeah.

- You're right, though.

- It probably has to do with...

- Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Ahh.

- Come on, really.

- Nothing weird about that.

- You wish.

- You're...

Any of you guys need tissues

or anything before we bounce?

Yeah, I feel like I have stuff on my face.

Bring me a napkin.

- You have a lot of stuff on your face.

- Can you get me a mint?

- Will you get me a mint?

- A mint?

- Or a lollypop. Thank you.

- Yeah.

- Ready?

- Yeah.

Let's go.

Why, thank you, kind sir.

That's what I do.

- Rex. Hey!

- Oh.

What are you doing?

- Come on, man.

- What?

Well, what did you think? We said

we were gonna come after you.

We're obviously gonna follow

you whatever you're doing.

Is there something going on?

Why are you guys running around?

Well, we're your best friends

for the next ten days.

Just stay away, please.

- Okay.

- Just, quiet.

- Like I don't even see you there.

- You won't even notice us.

Clearly I can see

this guy's f***ing light

shining down

in my f***ing fore...

- Can you kill the light?

- Fine, fine.

- Thank you.

- Thanks, dude. Thanks for...

- You know... oh, my god.

- Who are we gonna go see?

Um, some...

So, what brings you out tonight?

You.

Yeah, I suppose.

You can pick them up.

- You wouldn't understand. -I'm

not here to judge anything.

You wouldn't understand.

Just make sure you wash those.

I have hand sanitizer

in my purse.

You guys, it's really not necessary

that you guys come with me.

It's... Suzanna.

- You signed up for this.

- This is my private hour.

- Doesn't matter.

- This is after 8:00.

- I told you.

- This is after business hours.

Open that door and let's

just get it over with.

It's really not... tell her

something or something, dude.

Oh, my god.

- Hey!

- Rexie!

Oh, you bring friend?

- My favorite.

- Hi.

A redhead, nice.

Wait, wait, wait.

What is with the camera?

- Oh, sorry.

- No. No, no.

It's fine, it's fine.

He, um... we're doing

a film for my school.

- Sex film?

- No, educational.

You're doing a porn

for a school?

- You're a teacher?

- Um... school.

She can join us, we'll go ahead.

Okay, honey, you come.

You're coming, you're coming.

Come in, hon, come in.

All right, camera boy.

You convince her?

She's gonna come through?

Oh no.

No, no, no.

Absolutely not.

Thank you so much.

Before you make

a definitive decision...

Before you make

a definitive decision...

It'll be so much fun.

Let me just tell you,

these girls will do to you

what you've never thought

was possible.

No, I'm really fine...

No.

- You lie, you'll enjoy -I'm sorry, the

fluids that will run out of you are...

It's like the water

of the buffalo.

It would be like a...

The only fluid would be tears,

so, I'm... I'm okay.

- Oh, come on.

- No, you guys go have fun.

Don't be shy.

Girls! Stop it!

Suit yourself.

Yeah, you heard the man.

- Don't be shy, honey.

- I pay you girls by the hour.

Let's go. Suit yourself.

You're missing out.

Have fun you guys.

Have fun.

- Touch my breast.

- No, that's fine.

Touch her breast.

Touch her breast. Just once.

They're really not real.

They're so nice.

They look great.

- Oh, cool. Bye

- have fun, you guys.

Okay.

- Holy cow.

- What country are they from?

Come on, you know

you wanna go in there.

I think I need a t.B. Test.

Don't be so prude. You don't

even wanna go in there?

I'm not being prude,

I just got manhandled

by three ladies of the night.

Again, we can always use

three more holes.

- No, I'm fine, Rex. -Are you

sure you don't wanna come back?

I'm fine. No.

Have a good time.

- Come on, sexy Rexie.

- Hear that? Sexy Rexie.

- Sexy Rexie. -I feel like Whitney

Houston in "the bodyguard."

Okay.

Suzanna, how do you know

you're straight?

I touched myself

to Andy dick once.

Or was that Jane lynch?

I don't know.

How do you know you're straight?

I don't know.

- I just do.

- Yeah.

I just do.

What the hell was that?

I don't know.

I'm in Terri Schiavo mode.

I'm gonna be sleeping

for the next 30 years

at the very least,

let me just say that much.

Oh, my god.

Are you serious?

- Honey, you googled everywhere.

- Ew, you've gotta be kidding me.

- There has to be more.

- That is not normal.

Ew.

Oh, come on.

I can't keep going like this.

One more time.

It's okay.

One more time.

- Why you not wear goggle?

- Oh, my god.

I hate goggles

because they're ugly.

What your problem?

It's in the eye.

You googled in her eye.

- Oh, no good.

- Listen, listen, listen.

I am like a young black child

receiving his first hand gun

with the serial number

scratched out.

I don't know where

it's gonna be shooting.

- You gotta wear the goggles. -I don't

wanna f***ing wear the goggles!

It's my eye. F*** you.

F*** all of you.

F*** you for coming in my eye.

I need my briefcase.

I need my briefcase.

It's very disrespectful!

I need my briefcase!

You're disrespecting my face.

- I didn't mean to.

- Get out, go,

- I need my briefcase.

- You get out of here.

Get out!

I hate black cock anyway.

- What...

- Can you get that?

- No, you can pick it up.

- We're leaving the briefcase.

- We're leaving all of it.

- Let's just get out.

Keep walking.

Come on, guy.

So then you gotta use condoms.

It's just not worth it.

- You shouldn't want... -well,

I don't, but if you do...

I don't want aids face,

I don't want meth mouth,

I don't want syphilis.

- Not at all.

- Or herpes.

No, "herps" would be a bad get.

Especially when you

get it on your mouth.

Don't... yeah.

I mean, anywhere.

I'll take anything outside

of the herps and the "HIVV".

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