The Sex Monster Page #3

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If it doesn't,

I'll do the dishes.

(doorbell chimes)

- Hi...!

- Hi, Didi.

- How are you?

- Good. Come on in.

You did these?

Yeah, I did.

God...

Laura, they're wonderful.

Thank you.

Do you like my perfume?

Roses.

Yeah.

Marty...?

Didi... it's great

that you finally came over,

because Laura's wanted to have you

for dinner for the longest time.

You know, I don't think we need

any more wine. Drunk...

- Drinks.

- Drinks...? Oh, drunk.

- Let's get drunk.

- Drunk, let's get drunk.

Hard drinks.

I got a big jug of rum,

- does that sound good?

- I love rum. Rum and coke.

I'm dangerous on rum and coke.

We have a winner.

It's rum and coke.

You hear that? She's dangerous

on rum and coke, this one.

- Is he always this funny?

- Not always.

Where you from, Dee?

Chicago or something?

- I'm from all over.

- All over? Wow.

Yep. I'm an Army brat.

An Army brat? That is intense.

Tell us about it.

I lived with my dad

until I was 14.

Then out of nowhere,

I met my mom and I lived with her...

until we decided

that we hated each other.

Then I hitchhiked around

a little while, until I was 17

and I met this woman

I lived with in Florida,

but... it didn't really work out,

because she was sorta

in love with me...

I guess, to be honest,

I just enjoyed f***ing her...

(crash)

Let me tell you this story...

This is so nice out here.

(reggae music plays softly)

Wow, Didi, you should be

a professional dancer.

She should.

Doesn't anybody

wanna dance with me?

All right, I'll dance.

Oh yeah... Oh, baby...

You're scaring me now.

Laura, come up here.

Look at this.

Laura, come dance with me.

Come on... come on.

Laura wanted to dance.

Didi wants to dance tonight.

I wanna dance so bad...

(music continues)

Didi, just stay there. I need Marty

to help me with something...

Marty...!

What's up? Havin' fun?

- No, honey, no.

- Yes.

I think this might be a mistake.

We should call it a night.

Call it a night? No,

we don't wanna call it a night.

Are you kidding me?

We're havin' fun.

- We are?

- Yes. She's hot for you, this girl.

Oh, God. I know, I know...

Are you sure this is what

you really want?

Let me think for a millionth

of a second...

Yes. Are you kiddin'?

We're having fun.

We're having a good time.

- You okay?

- Just fill this up.

(Didi:
)

Is it okay if I go swimming?

Yes... go swimming,

are you kidding?

Our poolo es su poolo.

(Didi:
)

Laura, is he always so funny?

Ohh, yeah...

So we got...

we got a little booze here.

- Are you coming in?

- Coming in...?

- Ohh...!

- Yeah.

I think we should go in.

I'm gonna get a swimsuit.

And so are you.

Come on.

We're gonna get a swimsuit...

and you...

just trawl around.

- Hello.

- Hello.

Hello.

Hey... hey...

hello.

Take you for a ride.

Can I borrow my wife?

(Didi:
)

That looks like fun.

- I want one.

- Want a ride?

Okay, we'll give you a ride.

I'll put you up here.

You can nurse your drink...

We know what your

priorities are tonight.

Didi, you...

oh, Didi...!

(giggling)

Take me back to Laura.

I want one from Laura.

You want a ride from Laura?

What...?

Laura, what...?

Hey... what happened?

What happened down there, sweetie?

I don't know...

It just got too real or something.

I don't know. I felt stupid.

Hey... you're not stupid.

You're not.

I'm the stupid one.

This was a mistake.

This was a mistake. I'm sorry.

That's okay.

(knocking)

I'll send her home.

I'll say goodnight.

No, I'll talk to her.

Let me talk to her.

- Hey...

- Hi.

I'm sorry if I did anything

to make you feel badly.

You both made me

feel really comfortable,

and I haven't felt comfortable

around anyone for a long time.

God... you're just

so beautiful...

and great...

Should I go home?

Can I come in, then?

Yeah, you can come in.

(moaning and rattling)

You guys wanna knock off

and go get a drink?

(moaning continues)

Wow... that's what that flap is for.

Don't worry about me...

I'll be back.

I'll go downstairs

and get a drink, okay?

Get a drink...

do a couple hundred push-ups.

(moaning increases)

Murphy... can't tell Murphy.

Damn, damn...

(line ringing)

Hi.

You're not gonna believe this.

My wife, right now,

is upstairs - in my bedroom...

with little Didi...

the hottie at work...

and the two of them

are tearing into each other...

like there's no tomorrow...

Yeah, yeah, it gets better.

I'm up there.

I'm part of the package.

Yeah - no,

I'm just taking a break.

What...? No.

I don't wanna order a pizza.

I was just calling.

I had to tell someone.

(moaning continues)

Hey, you guys...

Marty's back.

Hey, honey...

Oh, sh*t. Damn.

Hey... Hi.

Hi.

- Bye.

- You leaving?

- Thanks.

- Thank you.

You too...

I mean, bye.

Thank you. See ya.

Bye.

Hey.

- How you doin'?

- Did you sleep well?

I did. How about you?

I had a good sleep.

I feel so rested.

You okay? Everything okay

with last night?

I'm okay. Are you okay?

Me? I'm very okay.

Especially if you're okay.

Oh, yeah, I am, I am.

You know what last night was?

I think it was educational.

Educational? I love to hear you

use the word educational.

That's great. You see?

You were worried.

And now, you're educated.

Oh, yeah.

Do you want some breakfast?

I'm going to have a giant breakfast.

So everything's okay, seriously?

No weirdness...

Oh, no, I'm cool.

Now I know what you mean by

the "home court advantage" thing.

Wow.

(Radio:
)

Wow.

My scene is done actually

at my apartment.

- Your actual apartment?

- On my fire escape.

I have another scene,

a lesbian scene...

- Really?

- Which you will love.

Oh, I most certainly will.

- Girls.

- Have you been out to the site yet?

No, I have not been to the site.

Just want to know if you saw

the changes in the kitchen plan.

- No, I haven't seen them.

- I know what you're gonna say...

You're gonna say it costs too much.

I've been thinking about it...

and it ain't all about money.

You don't know

what I'm gonna say,

'cause that's not what I was

gonna say, 'cause you're right.

It ain't all about money.

What's your deal?

Fighting with your wife again?

She has burrowed her way

up inside my a**hole.

Being married is very tough.

Yes, but it's only as tough

as you make it.

It's only as tough as you make it.

Know why you guys

are having trouble at home?

- You wanna know?

- Why?

- You're not shakin' it up.

- Excuse me?

That's all we're talking about here.

Shake it up.

- Shake it up?

- Yes. Shake it up.

You're the man.

That's your responsibility.

The women wanna be led.

They wanna be taught new tricks.

They wanna be shaken up.

What the f***

are you talking about?

I'm talking about you,

going home...

and you, going home...

and teaching your wife

a couple of new tricks.

You will find the picture

changes very quickly.

Shake it up, boys.

(doorbell rings)

- Who's that?

- I don't know.

Why don't you go see?

(doorbell rings)

- It's Didi.

- Didi?

I wonder who called her?

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