The Shaggy Dog Page #3

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[Sniffs] I smell apples, over here

and fresh fruit and... [sniffs] Lemon.

Well, of course, they put

lemon on the wood. [laughs]

Little bit of turpentine in there.

I can smell that.

[Sniffs] What's that? What's that?

Do you sm... [sniffs] Peanut butter?

Wheat? No.

Somethin' else in there. [sniffs]

No, it's bougainvillea...

No, uh, hyacinth, roses.

What is going on with your hair?

Cedar. It's like wood. It's...

- My perfume?

- Yeah.

- Did I put on too much?

- No, I like it.

And that music, hear it?

Where's the music? Over there.

Yeah. I play it every day.

High notes. [sighing]

Those high notes, can you hear

those high notes? It's fantastic.

Great smells,

great sounds, beautiful wife.

The kitchen, it's a paradise.

- Hey, Josh.

- Hey, Dad.

Hmm. [sniffs]

It's hot. Bitter.

Terrible coffee. Yuck.

[Sucking teeth] Hoo.

[Sniffing] Mmm. Mmm.

Hey, your mom tells me that your math

grades are fallin' a little bit, huh?

Yeah, it's been a pretty tough year.

Yeah?

[Josh] Guess I should

spend more time studying.

I want you playin' football

as badly as you wanna play. But...

[slurping, munching]

...if you can't keep your grades up,

we're gonna have

to pull you outta football.

Uh... I gotta run.

- [Grunting]

- Ooh!

I love you. Did that count?

I don't know. Maybe.

- [Growls]

- [Squeals]

Gotta go. Bye, guys.

Do you know what pruning is?

Is that a lost art?

It is snipping, not slashing.

- [Baxter] These are your roses.

- [Sniffing]

[Baxter] Where's your commitment?

I'm payin' you guys $300 a month.

That's $10 a day.

[Growls] It's my yard,

my yard! My yard! My yard!

My yard! It's my... My yard!

My yard, my yard, my yard!

My yard! My yard, my yard,

my yard, my yard! My yard!

My yard, my yard! My yard!

[Panting]

Mornin', Baxter.

[ The Rascals:
Beautiful Morning]

[Panting]

[Kozak] Security called me in the night.

That's when I discovered the fire.

That's when I discovered the fire.

Fortunately, though,

the sprinklers went off

and put it out before it spread

to the rest of the building.

Dr. Kozak, there's a document

I'd like you to take a look at.

- [Kozak] All right.

- Um...

[Dave growls, bites paper]

[Growling]

Mr. Douglas.

Hmm. [clears throat]

Hmm, well.

Could you tell us what that is?

Yes. I'll just dry it off,

briefly, first, if you don't mind.

Uh, this is the company's policy

on animal testing.

[Kozak] We perform only

noninvasive and humane tests,

I might add, none of which, none of it,

occurs in the building where the fire...

Objection, Your Honor.

It has never been estab...

[growling]

[Louder growl]

[Judge] Mr. Douglas.

- Mr. Douglas!

- [Growling stops]

Did you just growl

at opposing counsel?

Mm. No, no.

[Coughs] I need some water.

[Clears throat] This carpet,

I think, has something going on.

Do you need a brief recess?

[Dave] No, thanks, it just... [growls]

- I don't need a re...

- Did you just growl at me?

No, no, no. I had somethin'

caught in my throat. [growls]

- [Mimics growl]

- [Typing]

[Judge] One more outburst,

I'm holding you in contempt.

[Barks] Silence! Quiet!

Whoo! [muffled]

[Gasps]

I think I... I think I could use

a re... re... [growling]

- Recess.

- [Bangs gavel]

[Judge] Ten minutes!

[Sighing] Ooh.

What's with my hair?

Oh. What's wrong with me?

[Growls] Growlin'.

[Panting]

[Smacks lips]

Whoa.

[Chuckles] Hoo.

Hey. Hey, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, that's a...

That's, uh... That's, uh...

That's weird.

[Sighs]

Dave, what is going on?

Lori, I am ill. I am leaving.

- I want you to tell the judge.

- Hey, Dave, channel eight.

One question. Is there any possible

way you can win this case?

Is Forrester guilty?

Is Forrester guilty?

Well, he definitely

does not have rabies.

Well, then, what does it have?

Ah, well, he has a silky coat

and a great disposition.

[Laughs] I tell ya, that's one good dog.

- Where is he?

- This way.

- [Growling]

- [Meows]

[Dogs barking]

You.

- [Panting]

- [Dave] Listen to me.

Why'd you bite me?

You meant to bite me, didn't you?

You did mean to bite me.

I can... I can hear you.

I can hear you.

I can hear you. I can...

- What?

- [Barking]

What do you want? You and your buddy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, you want some of this?

Is that what you want?

- [Dogs barking]

- [Barks] Quiet!

[Echoing] Quiet, quiet!

All of you, quiet!

I can hear all of you. Quiet!

Why did you bite me?

You bit me on purpose.

You knew who I was, didn't you?

- [Panting]

- You bit me because you knew it was me.

What's happening?

What's happening to me?

- [Barking]

- [Heartbeat accelerating]

- [Growls]

- [Whimpering]

[Dave] Wow. That felt weird.

OK, don't just sit there.

I want answers.

Why'd you bite me? Huh?

[Barks]

What do you mean, I'm an animal?

Is that some sort of lawyer crack?

Wait a minute.

Why is it I understand you?

- [Keys jingling]

- Run from what?

- Hey there.

- How'd you get out?

Well, you let me in here.

Wow. You're taller than I remember.

- What are you doin' with that stick?

- Come here!

- [Dave] Hey!

- [Ripping]

Uh-oh.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Why am I runnin' on all fours?

Thank you.

Man, am I flyin'!

Why'd I ever run on two?

This is weird.

[Stammers] What's hittin' me

in the face? What is that?

- It's my tongue.

- [Tongue smacking]

I can taste my own eyeball.

- Aw, man.

- Hi there.

Hoping you can help us.

Um, our dog wandered off.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa.

Back the truck up.

Look at that.

That's that new 42-inch plasma.

What is that?

Is that me?

It's impossible. That can't be me.

[Barks] I'm barking now?

Did someone knock me out

and put me in a dog costume?

Right. 'Cause that happens

all the time.

I get it.

I'm, uh... I'm dreaming. Yeah.

In about five seconds,

I'll be naked in the courtroom.

[Barks] I've gotta wake myself up.

Yeah. Wake myself up.

Oh!

[Groans] That hurt.

So I'm not dreaming,

I'm not in a dog costume,

which can only mean one thing.

I'm a dog.

[Barks] Weirder things have happened.

I am a dog! [echoing]

Perfectly understandable,

everybody. I'm a dog!

I am a dog!

- [Man] Is this him?

- [Larry] That is him. That is him.

You are a lifesaver. Thank you.

- [Gwen] Mm-hmm.

- Our kids have been crying all day.

- [Both] Aww.

- Can we take him now?

- Yeah, sure.

- Yeah. Right now.

[Dave] Please be home,

please be home, please be home.

[Barks] Hey, Tom, hey, Mary. Tom? Mary?

Please be home, please be home,

please be home, please be home.

[Panting] There we go. All right!

[Barking]

What's going on? I can't open this.

Come on, Dave,

grab and turn, grab and turn.

How do dogs do anything with these?

[Doorbell rings]

- [Barks] Hi!

- Shaggy, you're back!

No, I'm... I'm not Shaggy. I'm Dad.

Carly, you gotta help me.

Must've been that dog bite.

When the dog bit me,

I turned into Shaggy.

- [Laughs]

- Why is that funny?

Gosh, you're talkative, aren't you?

Oh, that feels good. That feels good.

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