The Shaggy Dog Page #4

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Oh, you're so cute.

I know. How ya doin'?

Oh, wow. That is so good.

But wait! Wait, wait, wait!

This is important!

Hey, it's Shaggy!

- Where'd he come from?

- I don't know.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no. Listen to me.

Listen. I'm your dad.

[Josh chuckles]

Wow, he's really hyper today.

[Through barks] I am your dad.

[Carly] Hey, do you need

to do your business?

Business? Did my daughter just ask me

if I wanted to use the bathroom?

Wait a minute. They can't hear me.

All they hear is barking.

I got an idea. Here. Over here.

Follow me.

Watch, you guys. Let's see. I... I am...

Shaggy, no! Bad doggy!

I am Dad. I am Dad.

I need a "D." A "D"...

- Shaggy, stop.

- What are you doing?

[Dave] Stop. What are you doing?

Quit cleanin' up!

Sixteen years, not once have you

tried to clean up your room.

But when Dad turns into a dog,

you're there cleanin' everything up.

- That's Janey. I gotta go.

- Where you goin'?

You won't tell Mom and Dad?

- Yeah.

- [Dave] Don't like the sound of this.

- I'm getting a tattoo.

- [Dave] What?

Janey knows this place

where they don't ask for ID.

I'm gonna get the Animal Rescue

Group logo tattooed across...

- I don't think so!

- Shaggy, where are you going?

Hey, Carly, hurry up!

Oh! Who's the cute doggy?

Who's the...? [stammers] Whoa, boy.

[Janey] Whoa, boy. Whoa, boy.

- [Dave growling]

- Whoa, boy! Whoa!

[Screaming]

- Shaggy, don't!

- [Dave] Janey! Janey! Listen to me!

How could you do this?

You're a good girl!

You went to church camp!

[Tires squealing]

Shaggy, what's gotten into you?

Bad dog!

Don't use that tone with me.

You're grounded, young lady.

You are grounded.

- He's kind of freaking me out a little.

- What?

Maybe we should take him

back to the pound.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I'll be good.

Look, I'm good! Look at this.

Hey, look how good I am.

Look who's a good doggy.

- [Laughs]

- This is humiliating.

He probably just needs

to run around a little.

I ran five miles to get here.

I don't need a run.

I'll take him to the dog park.

No, I have stuff to do, important stuff.

I'm not going to a dog park.

- [Sniffing]

- [Barking in distance]

Is there anyone in this entire park

who has not sniffed my butt?

No, no, no. Thanks, I don't wanna

sniff your butt. Maybe later.

I just want some answers.

Has anybody here ever heard

of a human being turning into a...?

- [Josh] Hey, Shaggy, hey!

- What?

- Wanna play with the Frisbee?

- Josh, I am not playing Fris...

I got it!

- Yes! I nailed it!

- Awesome!

- Josh.

- Oh, hey, Tracy. How's it goin'?

- Where were you today?

- What do you mean?

Auditions for Grease.

[Dave] That instinct is really intense.

It's like insane.

Hey, I got a dog. Pretty cool, huh?

Here you go. Keep the Frisbee.

I'll be right back.

I gotta talk to those other... I got it!

Nothin' but mouth!

I'm not doin' the musical this fall.

- What?

- I, you know, just don't wanna.

[Mock laughs] Funny. You're cute.

Be at the theater tomorrow, 3:00.

And, uh, don't get too cocky.

Just 'cause you're the best

doesn't mean you're

gonna get the part.

- Ow.

- [Woman] Come on, kids!

Did you see that catch?

That was great. Way up in the air...

- Hey, what's the matter?

- [Josh sighs]

[Barks, whimpers]

You were a very bad dog.

Are you gonna be a good boy?

You get the cattle prod,

I'll get the needle.

OK.

[Barking]

[Door opens]

When was Dad supposed to be home?

- [Door closes]

- 'Bout an hour ago.

Hey, honey.

Remember that

"in sickness and health" thing?

[Josh] What's for dinner?

Well, your father

was supposed to be cooking.

At least he said he was, last time

he returned one of my phone calls.

[Dave] Oh, boy,

that's the mad face.

You smell mad. Are you in heat?

[Carly] Did you check your e-mail?

The computer. That's it. That's it!

- [Chuckles] All right.

- Shaggy!

Where are you going?

- [Dave] OK, um, I can't make dinner...

- [Carly] Shaggy, stop causing trouble.

What's a shorter word

for metamorphosis?

All right. Look, I can't make dinner...

I can't make dinner because

I turned into a d... Don't shut that!

Hey, watch this.

Who does this remind you of?

Wow. Maybe he escaped

from the circus.

- [Chuckles]

- C'mon, kids.

Try to see past the fur and the tail,

the snout and the drool.

[Chuckles] How cute.

Honey, you recognize me. Honey?

Do you think your dad

is gonna come through,

- or should we go ahead and order in?

- [In unison] Let's order in.

Ouch.

Well, I would let you

sleep inside, Shaggy.

But my husband won't allow it.

Now, there's a bitter irony.

Good night.

Wait. Wait. Honey? [barking]

I'm sorry about tonight.

I love you. [growls]

Sweet dreams.

Really do love you.

[Heartbeat thumping]

[Floor creaking]

- It's 3am.

- [Clears throat]

Where have you been?

What happened to your clothes?

Clearly you're upset,

and I would be upset too. But there's...

There's a simple but hard-to-swallow

explanation for all this.

[Sighs] I turned into a dog.

[Chuckles]

Lori, I wanna thank you

for picking up my car

at the animal shelter.

I figured you were

getting it fixed. [chuckles]

- Ooh.

- Um, no thanks necessary.

Anything else

I can do for you this morning?

- Actually, I need some research done.

- Oh, OK. Great. On what?

On dogs and man.

Man and dog... [stammers]

Have you ever heard

of a man turning into a dog?

They all do eventually, don't they?

[Laughing]

You've been drinking, haven't you?

Dog-men. I'm on it.

Um, do you mind if I ask why?

- It would be better if you didn't.

- Right, OK.

I'll be honest,

the reports of your behavior

in court yesterday were unsettling.

As was your disappearing

the rest of the day.

Yeah, I know. And I'm...

I'm sorry about that.

I had some kind of food poisoning.

- I was mildly delirious.

- [Elevator bell dings]

- You goin' down?

- Yeah.

- [Sighs]

- Hold it.

[Growls]

Should've taken the stairs.

- But you're fine now.

- Huh? Yeah, yeah.

I'm great now, thanks, Ken.

- [Dog whimpers]

- [Ken] Good.

Because people don't

want a loose cannon

workin' the DA's office.

- Jeez.

- [Dog whimpering]

- [Growling]

- [Gasps]

You ain't got anything illegal

up there, do you?

[Laughing]

[Growling]

By the way, Lloyd Gannon called today

about working on some

preliminary campaign ideas.

Sit.

He wants to go grassroots to start.

Mailers, some door hangers,

- work up to television and radio.

- Mm-hmm.

[Whimpering, growling]

[Clears throat]

- You OK?

- Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. [sighs]

[Panting]

[Mumbling] Oh...

[pants]

[Elevator bell dings]

You sure you're OK

to go into court today?

Yeah. Uh-huh.

[Pants]

[Gurgles] Oh.

There were these little bunnies.

There... there were poor

little fluffy bunnies

all crammed together in a cage.

[Dave] You thought it was

a good idea to set a fire

where there was bunnies present?

- Objection.

- [Judge] Overruled.

Look, I didn't set the fire,

and I saw what I saw.

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