The Sheriff of Fractured Jaw Page #2

- About what?

Well, the Box T Ranch

and the Lazy S...

...started a range war

over the water rights.

- Really?

- Ain't you ever seen a range war?

Uh... No, no, I can't say I have.

Well, if you get in between the Box and the Lazy S, you're sure dead.

You see, the Box T men are out to kill

the Lazy S men every chance they get.

That is, unless the Lazy S men

get to the Box T men first.

And they're both out to kill a stranger

in case he's on the other side.

As I won't align myself with either

faction, I shouldn't have any difficulty.

If what you say is true,

it should be a splendid place to sell guns.

Come on, come on, have a drink.

Come on, come on.

No, thank you.

- Boy, you're a brave man.

- No, sir, I'm not brave.

I intend to mind my own business,

that's all.

Should an unforeseen

situation develop...

...a firm hand,

that's what's needed always.

A firm hand.

You mark my words.

[SPEAKING IN NATIVE AMERICAN

LANGUAGE]

[WHOOPING AND SHOUTING]

Indians, Indians. Indians!

By George!

[GUNFIRE]

Savages. I'd hoped to catch a glimpse

of some while I was here.

We are bouncing along.

Hold on to your hat.

It's not my hat that worries me,

it's my head.

Do you think they're hostile?

Good heavens.

This is ridiculous. Why doesn't somebody

talk to them about this?

Nobody who gets near enough to talk

ever lives long enough to say anything.

[SHOUTING]

If my Grandfather Digby were here...

...he'd have those savages

eating out of his hand.

Eating out of it, or eating it?

There never was a savage

who could look that man in the eye.

Put down a rebellion in Karachi

single-handed, my grandfather did.

Savages, cease firing!

You know,

I feel very strongly about this.

Somebody should have a word

with these natives.

Well, if you can remember

what your Grandfather Digby said...

...I beg of you.

If any of you fellas got a gun, you'd

better save the last bullet for yourselves.

[SPEAKS IN NATIVE AMERICAN

LANGUAGE]

Oh! Whoa!

[GUNSHOT]

We can't just sit here

waiting to be turned into mincemeat.

[GUNSHOTS]

My word.

Well, I don't suppose I'm half the man

that Grandfather Digby was.

But I'll have a word

with our fine-feathered friend.

Driver, wait here.

Afraid it's the last time

we're gonna see that Englishman.

[GUNSHOT]

[SPEAKS IN NATIVE AMERICAN

LANGUAGE]

I don't understand a word.

Come along, get on your feet.

Now listen to me, my good man.

That coach was traveling at a legal rate

on a public highway.

Your interference is not only unjustified,

it's positively dangerous.

I won't make an issue of the fact

that I'm a British subject.

Because your attack upon these

American citizens is equally unwarranted.

Now, take this rather silly-looking

hatchet and trot along home.

There's a good chap.

No hard feelings?

Splendid. Good day, sir.

- You seen what I seen?

- I think I seen.

[SPEAKS IN NATIVE AMERICAN

LANGUAGE]

Why, that tenderfoot Englishman drove

off all them redskins single-handed.

Ain't anybody gonna believe us,

looking at him.

Gentlemen, I think that little incident

calls for a nice cup of tea, don't you?

Driver, stop at the first place en route.

Indians! Indians! Redskins!

Duck, everybody, duck! Indians!

- Duck, everybody!

- Relax, my friend, relax.

Hi-ya!

Just passed the cemetery.

Filled up a bit since I was here last.

That's Fractured Jaw, just ahead.

MAN:

Howdy, Zeke. You have a good trip?

COACH DRIVER:

Whoa!

Indians, eh?

Where did you run into them?

- Other side of Table Rock.

- It's a good thing they didn't have guns.

- Was there many of them?

- About 50. Thought we were goners.

- How'd you get away?

- Man, was we lucky.

I wouldn't have give a plug nickel

for our chances...

...when they just up and chased off.

One man done it.

This here passenger.

- Single-handed.

- Him.

- Him?

- Is there a porter hereabouts?

MAN 2:

Don't try to make a fool out of me.

Driver, bring those cases over

to the hotel for me, will you?

So you're the big hero.

How do you do?

Tibbs is my name.

Confounded thing. You were saying?

Nothing. I wasn't saying nothing.

Careful with those,

they contain guns and ammunition.

- What do you think, Keeno?

- He's fast, but I think I'm faster.

You may get a chance to find out.

Why would a fast gun like him

come to Fractured Jaw?

- To work for the Lazy S, maybe?

- He ain't working for me.

And the Lazy S

is the only other outfit hiring guns.

- Want me to take him?

- No, there's time.

If he's just here looking for a job,

I could use him.

We didn't mean nothing.

We didn't mean nothing.

This is a respectable hotel,

you hear?

If you two lop-eared sons

of a burro want some more...

...just try to get back in here.

I'm running a high-class dump.

The sooner the people around here

realize it, the better off they'll be.

MAN 3:
Now, wait a minute, babe.

- Don't give me none of your lip.

It's enough you saddle tramps

shoot each other...

...without using bad language too.

Now, are you gonna git

or do I start in on you again?

KATE:

Well.

Is the circus in town or are you

advance man for a medicine show?

Good day to you, ma'am.

Am I right in assuming...

...that you're the proprietress

of this tavern?

If you're a gambler, I run the squarest

game this side of the Mississippi.

I shouldn't call myself a gambler...

...although I have played a bit of whist

occasionally in a friendly foursome.

Say that again, will you?

JONATHAN:
What?

- That "bit of whist" thing.

I have played a little bit of whist...

Oh, those clothes, the way you talk.

You're gonna be the life

of the party around here.

- Really?

- Never mind. What can I do for you?

I should like some accommodation

in your respectable establishment.

Come on.

I look after strays, mavericks...

...and lost young'uns.

I might as well keep an eye on you.

Well, that's jolly good of you.

Hi there, captain.

They say the good Lord

looks after fools and children.

Well, I figure it can't hurt to give him

a hand in case he's too busy.

Here, would you mind

registering, please?

- Pleasure.

- Here's your pen.

- There you are.

- Thank you.

Jonathan Tibbs. London.

Well, Jonathan, if I were you,

I'd stay in your room after dark.

Some of the boys around here,

they play rough.

Especially when they're liquored up.

They got a peculiar idea

of what's funny...

...and they might just think

you're a riot.

Most charming of you

to offer me advice.

If you get into any trouble,

just call me.

We haven't had a sheriff

in Fractured Jaw for six months.

But the boys,

they generally listen to me.

I'll bet they do.

What? Him?

It ain't smart, mister,

to play me for a sucker.

A sucker?

Oh, no. I'm quite certain it isn't.

I don't like guns: Hired,

floating or on the prod.

Well, that's perfectly splendid.

We have something in common.

I don't like smooth talkers neither.

I've heard pitches...

...from Mississippi gamblers, Chicago

traveling salesmen, all of them.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes