The Sitter Page #3

I'm not your chauffeur.

What if you hit

somebody or something?

I mean, it's safer for children

to be in the back seat.

You are such a b*tch.

Grow a set of nuts.

I beat him for you.

Get his ass.

Guys.

Not again.

Stop being such children.

Hit him in the face, dawg!

Go away.

Stop it.

One thing about Rodrigo.

He's not a b*tch,

I'll tell you that much.

Slater, seriously,

tell me you are not

wearing a fanny pack.

Tell me I'm imagining that and

that's not what I'm actually seeing.

I need it to carry my pills.

Why do you take

those pills anyway?

I already told you,

I have issues.

Issues?

You look like a Gap model!

When I was your age,

I had a mouth full of braces

and a face like

a Papa John's pizza.

Those are real issues, my man.

Whatever.

I've got a good idea.

Why don't we go to a dance club?

Why don't we play a game?

Like Spin the Bottle?

No, not like Spin the Bottle,

like a little game I invented

called the Shut-the-F***-Up Game.

First person not to shut the

f*** up loses. Ready? Go.

Come on, Rodrigo,

you just lost, buddy.

It was not me.

Slater, that's disgusting.

Didn't your parents teach

you not to fart in the car?

You just crop-dusted me.

No, that was not me.

Uh-oh.

What's "uh-oh"?

It was me. I pooted.

I don't think it

was just a poot-poot.

I sharted.

Come on!

When you're shopping

It's super-cool

Hey, Noah. Oh, my God,

isn't this shirt so cute?

Oh, it's super-cute!

Can you get it for me?

Yeah! Of course.

I'll get you anything you want

Seriously?

No.

Here, put these on.

They're green.

I wouldn't be caught dead in these.

Don't sh*t your

pants next time.

Dressing room's over there.

Clean up, or whatever.

Can I help you, sir?

Huh?

Can I help you?

I'm just waiting for somebody.

Yeah.

Yup!

No. I'm just waiting

for somebody.

That's pretty weird, considering

you're a grown-ass man

hanging out in the little

girls' underwear section.

Right. I could see

how that could be

misconstrued as strange,

or whatever.

Very.

They fit. Let's go.

There we go. There she is.

Excuse me, young lady,

do you know this person?

No.

Yeah.

Which is it?

He came into my house

and stole my mom's minivan.

Now he's taking me and my

brothers to get some candy.

Okay, that sounds way, way

worse than it actually is.

Hey, don't I know

you from somewhere?

What? No,

I'm the babysitter.

What?

He's not a real babysitter.

He's a "do-whatever-I-say-

or-I'll-kill-you type of babysitter. "

What?

That sounds way...

That's what he said!

Blithe, shut the f*** up.

Do not tell her to shut up!

Thank you.

Ooh, sh*t! I remember you!

I went to high school with your ass!

You came to my

house party one time,

got all wasted, and then you

puked in my grandmama's urn.

And when I asked

you about it, you lied

and ran away like

a little biotch!

I didn't run away

like a little biotch!

I probably just ran

like a normal person.

And now you're hanging out in the

little girls' clothes section.

Can you please

lower your voice?

There are numerous

misunderstandings.

No, no, no. I'm not buying none of this.

Come on, little girl.

Let me go!

I'm not buying it!

You got some sh*t to deal with!

Security!

Why did you say that, Blithe?

You were trying to make

me buy green underwear.

Green underwear is not hot!

You're the worst

babysitter ever!

"You're

the worst babysitter ever!"

You guys?

Where's Rodrigo?

I don't know.

I guess he left.

That's an incredible observation, Slater.

Where did he go?

I don't know.

I was talking to my friend Clayton.

Which way did he go?

I don't know!

Got you, you little bastard.

Hey, what's up?

May I help you, sir?

Yeah.

I'm looking for

a small Hispanic boy.

About 4'8", leather jacket,

pajamas, cowboy boots.

Have you seen him?

No.

"I've not seen

a 4'8" Hispanic boy

in a leatherjacket, pajamas,

and cowboy boots.

Probably would

have remembered that.

Something tells me you have

before, you f***ing a**hole.

Don't say no because I insist

Somewhere, somehow

someone's got to be kissed

There you are!

What are you doing in here?

I dropped a bomb.

That's very cute.

Come on, wash your hands.

What's so funny?

Oh, sh*t!

Oh, sh*t, what are you doing?

What is going on back there?

It's all good! Just continue

eating your meals. I know him.

He's a friend of mine.

That looks good.

What is that?

You run away again,

and I'll break your legs!

Then I bite your ear!

What? I bite your what?

I eat your ear.

I bite it off with my teeth,

then you don't hear nothing.

That's very specific.

All right. I've got to pick

up some candy for my girlfriend.

So you guys wait here and watch

little bin Laden

back there, okay?

This isn't about

getting candy, is it?

Lock the doors, keep your

head between your legs.

Don't move or talk to

anybody or look at anybody.

Don't you

f*** with me, Rodrigo.

Hey, mister!

Hey, over here!

I do top sh*t or bottom,

whatever you want.

Noah Griffith?

Yeah.

Are you Karl?

No, I f***ing wish, papi.

If you want to see Karl,

I'm gonna have to, like,

strip-search you.

Okay, we're good.

I believed you.

Follow me!

What the f***?

PLAYING)

This way.

Hey, Eduardo!

He's really cranky.

That's Russ.

He's got an attitude.

You're such a slowpoke.

Come on.

It's okay. Do it again.

Do it again.

One more time.

That's good. I like that.

Hey, Karl!

Oh, my God! You scared me!

You scared me, sneaking up on

me like a little squirrel!

You have a visitor.

Dude, the roller skates.

You're going to get track marks

all over my mahogany floors.

Are you serious?

Go get me a smoothie.

Get out of my face.

- You're no fun.

- You're no fun.

Oh, my God. Hi. Hi.

You must be Noah Griffith.

I've been waiting for you all night.

What's up?

I'm Karl with a

Sorry about the banging.

We're doing some slight renovations,

as you can see.

We're knocking down some walls

so we can get a little more

square footage in here.

A little more elbow room.

Uh, that's awesome.

What's awesome about it?

Huh?

Why is that awesome?

More room for bodybuilders

and experiments and stuff.

That's funny!

You're funny, Noah Griffith.

You're really funny.

Thank you.

You're very cool as well. So...

You sure we haven't met?

Dj vu.

Hey, check this out.

This is an art project.

It's made from the shell of

an ancient baby dinosaur egg.

We like to package our

product artistically.

And prehistorically. Bump?

I'm fine, thanks.

I like you, Noah Griffith!

You're so shy.

You're so gorgeous and shy.

You remind me of my Aunt Shirley.

She was Asian.

Are you biracial?

Karl! I got shot!

Oh, my God.

I got shot, Karl.

Oh, my God.

Don't let me die

on this floor, Karl.

Who shot at you?

Angelo on 14th Street

shot me in my tummy, Karl.

He shot me in my tummy.

Oh, my God.

Please, someone, please!

Somebody get me a doctor!

Please, someone...

Do you know CPR?

What? I don't know.

Do you know CPR?

I don't even

think mouth-to-mouth

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